dulwichmum

So that is where all of my metal clothes hangers went to! DM

Darling Mr Batdog, I was under the influence last night. I can only apologise. It all started to go wrong when the second bottle was opened...

Darling Sid, you really are a super sleuth! I find suspicious, street wise men terribly attractive! (especially when my husband is in the middle east on business...) Oh dear, it does seem to be my second bottle...

I am so sorry that some of you seem to have the attitude "shit happens". This could have been us. This could have been my child. This could have been your child. I care about every child, I care about my child, I care about Madeleine - she could have been Freya. I AM TAKING THIS PERSONALLY. I wish we could afford a Mark Warner holiday. BRING HER HOME! Please remember that poor boy who was molested for six weeks by paedophiles, including a stint over the cab office in Camberwell. All children desserve a childhood. Leave them alone. Shame on those bastards. SEND HER HOME...

Mmmm - I may just start a thread on shoes...

Isn't that a problem for post menopausal women? DM

Don't kid yourself Michael, Batdog may claim to be small - but I am sure he is perfectly formed! I know he is terribly bright, and when he has a mission in mind - well, I wouldn't like to imagine what could possibly happen... DM

I shall have a look then. I wish I had known earlier - I may go home and see my mammy with the chislers ... er, James and I don't use discount airlines.

Dear Spadetownboy, How did you do that then? Ah don't go - you're great fun...

Sniffs the air,... I am sure I can smell a donkey in here! Removes perfect small doglet from handbag - and sends him to search the Quiet Room. Lovely little Batdog will do anything for a Bonio and a nice plump cushion in the sunshine...

Pulls enormous Spiderman Duvet from handbag and dashes over to Mr Michael Palaeologus. Tucks him in nice and snug. Texts Ana to bring chum back his periscope, reading material (Ohmygod!!!) and nice bar of Frys Chocolate Cream - for a special treat. Smiles and thinks welcome home to the Quiet Room Michael.

Well done to all concerned. When is your calendar coming out? It would be the ideal opportunity to show case your buns! DM

Dear Nero, The people in Alleyn Garden Centre (off Park Hall Road) are very very informative and kind. Why don't you pop along there for advice? It is always a pleasure to visit, they have lovely sleepy friedly cats lazing in the sun and are always really happy to just let the kids run about and even take time to explain to them about how to look after the plants - nothing is ever too much trouble. They have even delivered things to me that I have bought on a Saturday afternoon, and arrived back at my house before me. I suppose I automatically think of them first in this situation because that very garden centre was nothing more than a concrete yard until last year when they opened and now it is full of super birds and insects. Every plant in there is in a pot and yet it is a complete oasis. DM

Dear Mr MacGabhann, You are just so get down and disco dancing slick. Have you seen Gary Barlow at all?

Wonders to self exactly what Friday feeling is? For me, complete exhaustion at the end of a hard week at work, contemplating being jumped on by two energetic small children continuously for two days... Yeah, Friday, it is a joy. Is 9.25 am too early to open the bar? DM

Just lets try to keep the focus on the child, remembering to think of her (and pray for her) every day until she is found. I hate to think that this will soon become old news, and she will simply be forgotten about. DM

Falls through the door of quiet room. Gives exhausted sigh, thinks to self - "I have missed the party...again" Staggers to bar, opens large bottle of Krug. Bottle opens with a reassuring "pop". Puts straw in bottle and settles into comfy chair...

Dear Ant, You know I wouldn't dare. I am far too shockable...

Dear Michael, I am trying to keep up with the coarse jargon on here, it is rather difficult but I believe necessary in order to hang out with the "in" crowd...

Dear Fear 'n boozin, You dirty dog! How dare you lower the tone. Why they are even not married yet, and even if they were I like to think of it as more than a shag - it is making love...

Yes I agree completely. And teenage girls should all be made to throw away any clothes that display their toned abdominal areas. Loose fitting polo shirts should be worn by all of them - by law. And men should not ever wear sandals if they have hairey toes... Does this belong on another thread?

This has all gone on far too long. When are they going to find the poor baby? DM

Looks suspiciously at kind Mr Michael Palaeologus. Thinks to self "a boyhood Spiderman duvet cover is really not quite what I was after" - but blows thank you kiss for kind offer. Takes lap top from enormous hand bag. "Googles" rubberwear...

Stands up and walks to waste paper bin, drops tattered tassles. Thanks Mr PaleProctologist, but whispers that perhaps will not be dressing up on this occasion, although would rather like a "cat woman" suit. Takes out copy of Woolworths catalogue from enormous handbag and starts to browse...

OHMYGOD!!! dm