*Bob*

We could have a 'Hoopers Award'. To qualify, nominated establishments must be located just outside of SE22 and be called 'Hoopers'.

Just after 'Hoopers', by the sounds of it.

One of my friends mentioned something about CoD a few months ago and I haven't heard from him since. I like shooting things. No interest in driving or sport. I suppose I can always tell Mrs *Bob* I'm working and shoot things upstairs on my Mac on the sly. Maybe a Wii is the way to go.

Dear Geeks, Gamers, Recluses and sallow-skinned curtain-shut Oddball-types. Can you help? I'm thinking of dipping my toes into the waters of this new-fangled gaming - in the hollow guise of a surprise Christmas treat for all the family. My experience (to date) comprises a VIC-20, a ZX Spectrum, 'Swoop' and 'Deus Ex' on the Macintosh. I know nothing about consoles and want to buy the right one for our gaming requirements, which includes trying not to buy something which will be out of date the instant I walk out the shop. I've played the Wii multiplayer stuff (once) and this is the stuff which will appeal to the ovver arf - and which could prove entertaining when the Iceland vol-au-vents have all gone and conversation is flagging. Is the Wii the only one worth having which does this sort of malarky? Do they all connect to the 'net so I can occasionally play online with friends who are unfortunate enough not to have girlfriends, or perhaps trapped in a loveless marriage? Your help is appreciated.

Anyone remember the Boer War?

mockney piers Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Like viz, it's never as good as it used to be, > which is why I spend no time here any more!! You're down to a paltry 6 posts a day now.

You know what it's like.. you've been away, witnessed exotic sights in far away lands, broadened your horizons - both literally and metaphysically - and returned with new priorities and a greater sense of what's important. But don't worry - these futile feelings will soon pass. Go and get yourself a bag of roast beef Monster Munch and put 'Judge Judy' on. There's no place like home, Dorothy.

'Best postcode'?

Twisties were ok, but not really worth getting of bed for - let alone making the 23,000 mile round trip. Overrated. (Like Australia)

I'd be interested to know other people's thoughts on the ultimate maize-based cheese snack. Balls. Curls. Puffs. etc Sainsburys Cheese Balls have gone downhill since 1987, when they peaked. Generic puffs and balls are everywhere these days, but the flavour is often poor - especially if you've never heard of the brand and there's a picture of a red cockerel or similar on the packet. Wotsits can be hit and miss - sometimes a little brittle, dry and lacking in that delicious pseudo-cheese powder. And I'm sure they used to be bigger. M&S Cheese Tasters usually guarantee a good flavour but the proportions are a bit small so you need more than one at a time. So, to reacap: I'm looking for a cheesy ball, diameter around 250mm with a slightly claggy 'cheese' surface but with a cripsy interior. Can anyone help?

Favourite colour?

I heard they were planning on bulldozing Alderney and building a giant bowling alley and cinema multiplex there. Best thing for the place, really.

The ones I liked were the vizzed-up versions of the more 'adventurey' strips from classic comics. They did one which was a version of 'Billy the Cat' from the Beano, drawn in exactly the same style. Billy and Katie stumble across s band of thick-set, swarthy adults up to no good. They change into their crimefighting outfits, leap into action and then.. (in the final frame).. they both receive a sound kicking.

I know where to get them from a shop. Right here in SE22. Oh Yes.

The King of Snacks are Scampi-Flavoured Fries (night in on your own, obviously) If you know where to find them (*taps side of nose and winks*)

'Nuff said

You should

Is C a particularly easy key to play on the trombone? With this remaining piece of the joke jigsaw slotted into place, one may proceed to fall about laughing at will. Is the trombone a maligned instrument in the Brass World? Like violas in an orchestra? Let's talk trombones.

You tell us, Keef. You're the man with the brass credentials here.

How about an HILARIOUS trombone joke..? Someone asks a trombonist: "What's the subdominant of F major?" The trombonist is confused: "What??? I thought F major was the subdominant!" Fetch a needle and thread.. my sides, my sides..

Any talk of tromboning and I'm in there - like a rat up a drainpipe.

It's not even a euphemism

Glutton for punishment.

I don't know which I'd least rather be in London: a cyclist or a bus driver. Admittedly the cyclist has a greater chance of not reaching work in one piece, but chances are, when he arrives, he won't have to spend the entire day sitting behind a perspex screen being shouted at by total strangers, wondering when the next fight will erupt in the office - and whether the Police might actually turn-up this time.

Nope. I'm aware Amstell is 'in the seat' though, but somehow the reek of Lamarr still pervades. And all too often the panel seems to resemble a particularly bad night at Jongleurs.