HonaloochieB

Dancing On A Saturday Night - Barry Blue And His Forgotten Bottom

Why do youhave to justify anything? Politely decline, if that doesn't work try the 'sod off' option.

Star Star - The Rolling Stones And Their Bottoms

Wishing On A Star - Rose Royce And Their Bottoms

I Should Be So Lucky - Kylie Minogue And Her Bottom

Away From The Numbers - The Jam

Sally Can't Dance - Lou Reed

How Long - Mott The Hoople

Town To Town - Microdisney

Last Gang In Town - The Clash

Last Of The International Playboys - Morissey

Ring My Bell - Anita Baker

Baby You Can Drive My Car - The Beatles

Devil In Disguise - King Elvis presley

Ted's missus decided that fancy cocktails were no longer for her. From now on she'd settle for a small Brtish port. Grimsby? Actually, now you mention it, yes.

Mrs Max had the misfortune to be afflicted with an 'outie' navel. On visiting her GP he sent her for treatment to a specialist in North Wales. Prestatyn? She tried that many times before she went to North Wales.

Mrs Max on her visit to Italy went straight to the capital city. Rome? No, she didn't budge.

*takes over microphone* "My mother-in law always 'ated me. I thought I'd make an effort to get round her next time she stayed. Trouble was, me boss wouldn't give me a month off". *realises that there are quite a number of birds in tonight* *observes that many of the birds are of similar 'build' to self* *makes cowardly reference to Ben Elton* Is that SIR Ben Elton, now? Seriously, is it? *realises he's not going to distract birds of this size quite so easily* *looks into mid distance and mutters 70% cocoa solids - FREE?* *escapes in the ensuing melee/ruckus/ruck* PHEW.

I hear tell the good Mrs Max recently visited a volcanic island in the Sunda Strait between Java and Sumatra in Indonesia. While there she had the misfortune to sustain an injury to one of her feet, but she endured it with good humour and kept the locals in stitches with her Chico Marx impersonations. Krakatoa? Noa, but she sure did'na do hera biga toenaila too mucha good. 'As fora sure.

Mrs Max is off to a city in West Yorkshire to assist the local police in an ongoing investigation. Leeds? She'll be pursuing quite a few.

Is it true that Mrs Max is off to a county that borders Greater London, Kent, East Sussex, West Sussex, Hampshire, and Berkshire? Surrey? I SAID, IS IT TRUE THAT MRS MAX IS OFF TO A COUNTY THAT BORDERS GREATER LONDON, KENT, WEST SUSSEX, HAMPSHIRE, AND BERKSHIRE???

I hear that Ted's wife is going to work on one of the larger Caribbean islands. Jamaica? No. I'm not in a position to coerce Mrs Max into that sort of committment, and even if I were I certainly wouldn't.

Probably like that Doreen Gray. Now there was a stranger to Oil Of Ulay. Olay as well I shouldn't wonder. Battenberg? Can't touch a crumb of it since I heard that Johnny Cash song, Boy Named Sue. BOY? Named Sue? SUE. IF you don't mind. Anyway one line goes 'It was Gatlinberg in mid-July', but I took it as 'Battenberg' and I've been unable to allow a morsel past my lips since. I blame his diction of course, but hardly surprising, UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES. Bit of a druggie they reckon.

Barry Manilow may have his detractors but that song ne did, 'Ships' is great.

I know what you mean LibraCarr, I miss Les Dawson too, and that is worthy of him. Quality. Did the mother-in-law pay a surprise visit to celebrate the wife's birthday? Were you aware of her imminent arrival because the mice starting throwing themselves on the traps?