Jah Lush

Oooh! Has the Dulwich Mum backlash started already?

Sorry to butt in on your pleasant Yorkshire rivalry here but can I just ask you SimonM why you call Neil Warnock Colin? Is it anything to do with a certain Derek & Clive sketch? If not what are it's origins. Thanks.

Again, don't be put off by the frosty reception at the Plough, go to the drinks tonight and you could well meet Keef who's big band are looking for a keyboard player. You could get some experience and still do your own stuff. Just a thought but there you go. Best of luck.

Definitely not good for business that. He sounds a like a real pompous, arrogant prat. It has rather put me off going back in there if that's the way he treats his staff.

Water Pumpin' - Johnny Osbourne. Or should that be Green & Blue?

Baby Come Back - The Equals

I saw it too Ted and you're entitled to your opinion but I won't snitch, honest.

Not East Dulwich specific this but Cleo Rocas looking absolutely ravishing in the Canary Wharf shopping mall. Phwoar!

Boots Of Spanish Leather - Bob Dylan

Spanish Harlem - Aretha Franklin

Resurrection Shuffle - Ashton, Gardner & Dyke

time

Grovelling sychopants the lot of you! Well done Dulwich Mum for getting your column off the ground and up and running. I'm sure the Telegraph readers will very soon be slavering over your regular column inches for a long time to come.

Mary Anne With The Shaky Hand - The Who

This should blow a few cobwebs away if anyone's got any this morning. Hate To Say I Told You So - The Hives

My Little Red Book - Love

When The Going Gets Tough The Tough Get Going - Billy Ocean

Love Is All Around - The Troggs

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..." "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been e xpecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat". After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know it," sa id Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh, my word!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look" "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?" "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away." "Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long." Mrs. Smith fainted

Around The World - Daft Punk

World Shut Your Mouth - Julian Cope

Street Fighting Man - The Rolling Stones

Street Life - Roxy Music

Got To Get You Into My Life - The Beatles

or her batwings.