daizie
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Everything posted by daizie
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CONVINCE PEOPLE you're a worm by chopping yourself in half and carrying on as normal.
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CONVINCE people you're trapped down a Chilean mine by growing a beard and filming yourself topless and in 'high spirits'.
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Fool people into thinking you are having sex by putting pubes between your teeth. Dont forget to smile
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HARD UP WOMEN: Discarded fag ends make ideal "toe spacers" for economy pedicures
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A HAIRLESS cat is an ideal pet for an asthmatic nudist
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LADIES, save money on sexy lace underwear by stapling paper doilies to your usual underwear
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It immediately made me think of a porn film I once saw
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CONVINCE your neighbours it's Christmas by climbing down their chimney
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Leather jacket and trousers you need help .
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TURN your greenhouse into a garden shed by boarding up the windows with spare floorboards
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INCREASE your penis size by simply watching some porn
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TRICK old people into thinking they are haunted by the ghost of Thora Hird by turning their stairlift on and hiding
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CONVINCE neighbours you run Neighbourhood Watch by peering in their windows
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YOUNG MOTHERS. Calm hysterically crying children by firmly slapping their legs and then tugging them along by the wrist.
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Don't discard used banana skins.. . .They make ideal sun hats for starfish.
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BOOK-BURNERS. Instead of burning books, try reading them. If you object to what you've learned, just set fire to your head
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INCREASE the life of your carpets by rolling them up and keeping them in the garage
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Ha ha :))
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TRICK neighbours into thinking it's been really windy during the night by sneaking out at 4am and pushing their wheelie bin over.
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BEGIN HAUNTING relatives in advance by whispering horrible, disturbing things from the darkness while they sleep
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AN OLD spectacle lens makes an ideal and easily fitted 'sunroof' for a tortoise
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PREPARE for Christmas early by falling out with relatives now.
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CYCLISTS. The hollowed out skin of a freshly baked jacket-potato makes an ideal testicle warmer for chilly Autumn mornings.
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FEEL BETTER about all the problems in the world by simply not giving a shit
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FOOL people into thinking you don't like sugar in your tea by saying 'none for me thanks', when asked