Do you ask for seat on train/bus?

[Smiler]

But why didn't you just ask? I just don't get it - when asked, almost everyone will move.

[sb]

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[missd]

Just ask!!!!!!!!

[millsa]

Gina, 'Put your hand on your back and play on the 'ohh my back', keep rubbing and hope for a seat I say' - do you think some random people will care about your back, particularly if they are rude enough not to stand up when they see your big bump?! And why do you need to rub your back if you have a big bump? Hope will often disappoint you I am afraid. Just ask...

[GinaG3]

Do you know majority of people don't want to offend - what if the lady isn't pregnant after all and sits there thinking why did this person just offer me a seat? This happens often, so I hear. A lot of the time seats aren't even offered to old people who clearly cant stand for long.. I often see people take the attitude of 'head down, mind your own'

I mean should you have to carry a pass or something to be eligible for a seat on a bus..? I think not

millsa, do you think random people will care about your bump after all its not them that got you pregnant or made the choice for you to get pregnant? They wanted a seat too, that why they sat in one when they got on the bus, is it their right to defend their seat against the more needy? And believe it or not, some people still say no even when you do ask.. Then what?! On to the next person?

[Belle]

sb - I'm exactly the same, I know it's illogical but for some reason I could never bring myself to ask. What annoyed me was people bumping into me, more than the standing thing, but again - just couldn't find a way to say something. Guess some of us just aren't assertive! I really wish I was and did try, but more often than not prefer to avoid the situation - I remember once on the way into work I got off the train at Peckham Rye as I was feeling crushed and unwell, took a few minutes and boarded the next train.

[jollybaby]

Gina The fact that people may not offer in case you are a larger woman and not pregnant is all the more reason to ask. I didn't have one person refuse in all my weeks of commuting. More often than not the person next to them would go to stand up too.

[bodsier]

wow, I am amazed at peoples reluctance to appear rude, even when it comes to protecting their unborns. if there is one thing being a mother has taught me is assertiveness. When it comes to my child I always speak up. Luckily for me this kicked in as soon as I was pregnant. The words lion and cub spring to mind. Before my pregnancy I often shut up before I spoke up. Now I simply think of how he may be affected. Even now when we get on a bus I insist on him getting a seat and he is 3. The drivers drive erratically, and I want to make sure he is safe. I feel no way about it. I would if he ever got hurt.

[sunbob]

At some point in my pregnancy I realised that I was not going to be offered a seat (bump hidden under big winter coat, people not looking up etc) so I made up my mind to always ask. As Vik said, it does depend on your personality, but if you are shy take heart, you can do it, I did!

I would stand at the bus stop taking deep calm breaths and psyching myself up, then stand by the front seats and project loudly something like "Please may I sit down, I'm pregnant". It was always a trial for me, as I am easily embarassed, but I always got a seat. There was only once when I got a dirty look, as I had accidentally looked straight at one particular person instead of no one in particular as usual. She still got up anyway though and it didn't really matter in the long run.

Good luck shy ladies, the cringe factor will definately be worth it in the end!

[civilservant]

I really don't get the thing about 'being too polite to ask'.

If no one got up, I always asked, especially when commuting in my third trimester when I resembled a melon on sticks. Once or twice, a woman refused, but never the men.

It doesn't end when pregnancy's over, though. If you're carrying a baby on a bus, because the bus driver's made you fold your pushchair up, there's no way you're going to be able to hold on at the same time! If you're too shy to ask for a seat, it's you and your baby who're going to be rolling in the aisles...

[crystal7]

Belle i was exactly the same when pregnant- couldn't bear to ask and a few times got off crowded buses and walked the rest of the way to work (only walworth rd). Maybe it will be different the next time. Luckily i am able to utter a loud excuse me please when people are standing in the buggy bit.

[sophiesofa]

civilservant Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Once or twice, a woman refused,

> but never the men.

I am so so shocked by this. What did they say, was it just "no" or no, because i'm pregnant too or feel unwell etc.?

Please anyone who needs a seat just ask, 99.9% of people would quite happily give up their seat.

[sb]

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[civilservant]

hi, Sophiesofa, one woman did say that she felt unwell, which I perfectly understood.

Then there was the woman who asked me - I was standing and hadn't asked for a seat - 'are you fat or are you pregnant?' and when I replied ' I'm afraid I'm pregnant', started joking about it with her male companion... You clearly get all sorts on public transport.

But I particularly remember the women who was reading her Bible, looked up and saw me (and of course the bump) and then looked down and paid very close attention to her reading. Charity clearly didn't begin at home for her!

[crystal7]

Belle i was exactly the same when pregnant- couldn't bear to ask and a few times got off crowded buses and walked the rest of the way to work (only walworth rd). Maybe it will be different the next time. Luckily i am able to utter a loud excuse me please when people are standing in the buggy bit.

[hpsaucey]

Priority seats are labelled to make it clear who they're for. If they either haven't noticed OR are too selfish/rude to offer then damn right I'd be asking them, politely, to give up a seat. I know most of us feel awkward asking but better to be safe and get a seat if you can. If I see anyone onviously standing and pregnant and I haven't got a seat to offer them, I'm afraid I quite often stick my oar in and ask on their behalf. Maybe embarrassing but most have gratefully sat down when someone has been embarrassed into offering their seat.

YOu can get a 'Mind the Bump; badge from from LOndon Underground as well.

[The Nappy Lady]

In my experience someone always offers, even if the person you initially asked refused to get up.

I have offered my seat before & had a pregnant lady decline it, but when I insisted she did then take it, I think sometimes we are way too polite.

Always ask ladies, or accept the offers when you get them. You are carrying a precious load.

[redjam]

When I was pregnant I would make it very clear I was in need of a seat - I didn't generally ask outright, but would unbutton coat, stick out bump, put one hand in arch of back and assume a martyred expression - that generally did the trick. I get absolutely enraged when people (esp. young, apparently healthy men) don't offer seats, not just to pregnant women, but to the old/infirm, or women carrying young kids. One time when I was heavily pregnant I had a seat on the tube, and an extremely elderly couple got on - white hair, hunched over etc. Both of them were being flung around on the strap in the middle of the carriage once the train got moving. I could only bear it for a few seconds, so after trying and failing to get anyone else's eye I got up to offer the old lady my seat (despite me being a good seven months pregnant myself!). Clearly everyone must have seen this transaction take place, but not a single fellow passenger then came to my aid or to the old man, who was still forced to take his chances hanging on to the strap! Unbelievable.

Apart from this memorably depressing experience, generally I found people very helpful once they'd realised I was sporting a bump. I think most of the time people just wander round in a world of their own so it's inattentiveness rather than laziness that stops people offering.

[colonelchips]

I totally appreciate the need for a seat when pregnant and would hope that people who notice you would offer. Although I have experienced more than one embarrassing episode where I offered a seat to women just carrying a few extra pounds and this is really mortifying for all involved.

However, I think that if anyone else is like me in the morning they may well just not have noticed, even when bumps are very big they can be easily missed on a busy train/bus. Getting a seat to protect you and bump is your responsibility. If you haven't ask for a seat I really don't think that you should complain that someone hasn't magically noticed you and offered you theirs.

[buggie]

Was talking to hubbie and friends about this earlier - another thing to consider is how likely it is that people are going to look up each time a train/bus stops and look out for people to offer chairs to - esp if their engrossed reading something/plugged into an ipod, sleepily gazing out of the window!

All agreed that they had no probs with someone asking for a seat (and would be happy to oblige).

[Keef]

Good point buggie, I'd not thought about that, but I am basically oblivious to anything going on around me in the morning, I just have my head in a bood, trying to shut out the horrors of the journey to work!

Anyway, I think people should offer their seats, but unfortunately you can't automatically expect them to. However, if it's the priority seats we're talking about, I would expect them to, and ask them to move.

[reren]

Just wanted to say that I think its probably very easy for people to give advice along the lines of - 'just ask, you can't expect people to notice' - but until you've actually been in the situation, feeling somewhat vulnerable and knackererd - you'd be surprised how little you feel like tapping a stranger on the head and demanding their seat.

[MikeC]

I would make eye contact with someone and ask if you could sit down. Demanding is a fast way to sadden yourself even more, especially if the person you're demanding give you his/her seat refusing cause of the demand, you know?

[buggie]

looking at the thread we are talking about having asked when in "that" situation... and at the end of a 12hr A&E shift I was definitely knackered... but if fuelled rather than quashed my assertiveness! But I would never target one person to ask - I'd ask generally but in a loud cheerful voice (I know, I have no shame!!)

[paragon]

Assertiveness works both way. As shown on this thread there is several women who wouldn't feel confident enough to ask for a seat when it would benefit them. there is going to be 3/4/5 times as many non-pregnant people who don't feel assertive in offering a seat. especially when going to work in the morning. if someone was standing close to me I would offer them a seat, but i wouldn't shout down a bus to a pregnant lady offering my seat to her if she was 10m away.

I don't offer my seat to elderly men unless they look frail or struggling as I woould worry about offending them. "I've survived the Blitz young man, I can certainly stand on a bus"