Quiet room...

[CrystalClear]

*spurns keefs copy of razzle with disgusts*

*takes out a very much loved copy of Ovid: The Erotic Poems*

*Ahem. it falls open on book I part IX......"

[Keef]

*Smiles to self at Crystal's obvious attempts to look intellectual in front of dulwichmum*

*Puts copy of Razzle in bag, knowing Crystal will want it back in the pub later*

[Mark]

*strolls in, opens the curtains and french windows to reveal today's scenery (summer Alpine mountain landscape) and in doing so allows the warm breeze to clear away the lurid air of pornography that's hanging round the room*

*goes over to ice bucket, pops open a bottle of champagne, pours some glasses and passes them round the room*

*nods over towards the cans of Stella on ice if people would prefer them*

*goes outside to the hot tub, slides out of gown and slides in the water being careful not to spill a drop of the bubbly*

*relaxes*

[Keef]

*Picks up book on mountain survival techniques in preparation for hike later on*

*Has reality check and realises that champagne is going to head and that this may well end up another wasted day*

[Polly D]

*wonders whether Mark has something to celebrate*

*spies Keef applying to go on Masterchef 2008, thinks, he'd be better than Steven who won 2007's last night*

*spots handsome man carrying Sainsbury's bag (recycled of course) full of fresh pasta and looking a bit lost*

*carries on snoozing under desk 'cos it's Friday and the boss is away*

*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

[mockney piers]

* jumps in air and clicks heel behind self in slightly camp manner, managing not to spill shampoo in the process *

* nods to mark in gratitude, strolls out to celebrate, clean air and quality vintage champagne, raises glass to wasted days humming dodgy 90's europop rendition of Edelweiss *

[Polly D]

Keef you multi-tasker you!

[CrystalClear]

Hike?!?!? To the pub?

*makes note - lend keef the Art of Love*

[Keef]

Huh?

*Using pasta generously donated by new man (in return for a good word to Shambles) whips up a stunning dish to be shared with everyone*

*Decides that champers is a bad idea, and gets 2 cold cans of Grolsch out of bag. Hand one to Crystal, knowing that he too is no wife beater, and will avoid the Stella*

[Huguenot]

*Notices DM has used the only copy of the Guardian as a coffee mat for the dog bowl, grunts, and picks up Daily Mail*

*Staggered to notice that Carrington's prediction of blizzards for Monday is supported by same amateur publication, along with a gust of murderers blowing down from Scotland, a front of pick-pocketing immigrants from eastern Europe, and a hail of chavs. There is a 95% chance of hoodie*

*Somewhat startled, starts to fear strangers*

[Keef]

*Puts on Hoodie...Sneaks up behind Huguenot*

BOO!!!

*Tee hee hee*

*Hangs head in shame*

[Ant]

*passes by outside window*

*stops, returns to window and leans in to be sociable*

*finds self straining somewhat to see inside with eyes that have become accustomed to the bright sunshine outside*

*peers*

*leans in further*

*eyes adjust, and suddenly finds he appears to be staring at DM's bosom*

Oh! Er, sorry. Um...

*Eyes adjust more. Finds that it is in fact a copy of Razzle that has come to rest on her gently snoozing form, open at the centrefold*

*thinks: gosh, if I had a monocle I'd be adjusting it right now*

*thinks: I wonder whether I'd look silly in a monocle. And a top hat.*

*sighs*

ah well... another pleasure lost to the past.

*continues with stroll outside*

[Administrator]

*pops head round the corner of the door*

everyone, there's been a mention of the forum in the Times today, so I would appreciate it if everyone please make sure the place is respectably tidy as there will probably be some new people popping by. Crystal please tuck those publications away somewhere, we don't want people thinking of this place as an empornium do we? Thanks.

[dulwichmum]

Wakes up with a start, finds Mr Ant lying face down in cleavage. Picks up the mobile phone from coffee table to summon the Gendarmes.

Becomes aware of darling Mr Batdog growling in the corner. Recoils in horror as feisty Mr Batdog leaps onto the seat of Mr Ants trousers. Poor sweet Mr Ant runs to swimming pool with small dog attached to bottom and leaps in.

Smiles to self and admires red toe polish. Goes to changing room to collect some towels for the boys when they stop fighting. Heads out to swimming pool.

[Administrator]

*pops head round the corner of the door*

everyone, there's been a mention of the forum in the Times today, so I would appreciate it if you could all please make sure the place is respectably tidy as there will probably be some new people popping by. Crystal please tuck those publications away somewhere, we don't want people thinking of this place as an empornium do we? Thanks.

[mockney piers]

-sudden draught topples half built house of cards

* rapidly clear away cards and searches frantically for Matt's clever looking book type things *

* sits down on top of comic and dons Ant's misplaced monocle, much better *

[Keef]

*Recovers from laughing fit following Ant, BatDog, Dulwichmum episode. Decides to leave for the day, as not looking best, and wouldn't want to scare off new comers! Waves goodbye to everyone, and hopes to see them all later in The Real World, at The Drum... Winks at Dulwichmum ;-) * *As no one has touched them, quickly puts all the Stella cans in bag and heads for the door*

[Polly D]

http://property.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/property/article1521914.ece

DM - you and Freya are in it! She's got it all wrong - Costa Coffe - bah ...

[CrystalClear]

is she, local?

[capt_birdseye]

*Bursts in, shouts "Who the bleedin' eck is Tom"?!*

*Runs throuh room accidenatally stepping on batdog's tail, and dives, fully clothed, into the pool*

[dulwichmum]

Stands up, grabs handbag, rummiges about looking for the telephone number of the local 'King of Botox', finds damp Mr Batdog sitting on cushion in bag. Locates phone number, begins dialing while running for door with small pet in one hand and enormous handbag in the other, wonders if she needs her hi-lights touched up also and perhaps a spray tan?

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Sidles out of lavatory with Playboy behind back - relieved that DM has left so can avoid embarrasment*

*Excellent - no yapping dog or fish fingers about either - although there seems to be scrap of trouser on the floor - strange*

*Settles into fave chair for a snooze to prepare for The Drum*

*Stuffs Playboy behind chair - for later*

[shambles]

*pop in to wake mikewbate up and hides playboy in a cunning place so he won't find it*

*eat a bit of leftover pasta to line stomach for later*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*I will see you later young lady!* Hurrumph!!

[dulwichmum]

Walks elegantly into quiet room (looking remarably refreshed). Gestures to au pair who follows with Dyson vacuum cleaner and Marigolds. Plumps cushion on aubergine velvet armchair by the window. Scoops Batdog from enormous handbag, pets on head, kisses on nose and places on cushion. Leaves quietly as au pair gets on with tidying up.