a joke

[Moos]

Loving the indignation - imagine the cheek of it, posting a joke about the wrong shade of politician! Whatever next?

[Narnia]

I there a right shade?

[Jah Lush]

Deadly nightshade.

[Brendan]

I suppose one thing the conservatives have going for them is their shade. They are the only one of the major parties where it isn?t the same as a bodily fluid.

[legalbeagle]

Unless you are suffering from porphyria, of course.

[Narnia]

So having 'blue blood' is a myth then?

[Jah Lush]

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. Just ask Tony Blair.

[Mick Mac]

Mary said that God had given her a child.

So Joseph joined Fathers for Justice.

[Mick Mac]

Dinner Party:

Oh hi Amy - you are very welcome.

Oh yes of course there is a vegetarian option....

Its "Eat the Meat - or fouck off"....

[Sue]

saintsabrina Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> What's brown and sticky? A stick.

>

xxxxxxxx

YAY! My favourite joke!

:-$

[omniprescient]

"How dare you fart in front of my wife??!!!" "Sorry mate - I didn't realise it was her turn"

That MUST be someone's favourite joke?

[Jah Lush]

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour:-

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife.

[RosieH]

Jah Lush - superb, laughed out loud

Omniprescient - it used to be my favourite joke - so much so I bought it on all the birthday cards

[sophiesofa]

Q: What do you call an ape in a minefield?

A: A Baboom.

[RosieH]

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

[omniprescient]

How do you know it's not you? Have you recently found yourself spying on your friends on the internet or blocking other members of your family from certain websites?

[omniprescient]

"My friend Bernard is excercising all efforts not to miss his spring holiday in Western Switzerland despite the current problems with the ash cloud"

"Bernese Oberland??" "

"Yes - the current flight restrictions are expected to last at lest until the middle of this week..."

[georgia]

What's the difference between the Icelandic volcano and Cheryl Cole?

The volcano is still blowing ash

[DirtyBox]

Wife: "Did you piss in the shower?"

Husband: "Yes. It was an accident."

Wife: "An accident?!? How could it be an accident?"

Husband: "Well you know what it's like when you're having a shit"

[Jah Lush]

Q: What's brown and hides in the attic?

A: The Diarrhoea Of Anne Frank.

[Mick Mac]

Knock knock

Who's there

Monica....

Monica who....?

Monica's have fallen down.

(thats a joke from a 7 year old)

[Jah Lush]

I would tell you what my girlfriend does for a living, but it's difficult to say.

She sells seashells on the seashore.

[Jah Lush]

I've got a new idea for a TV show. It involves Chris Tarrant being kidnapped and tortured by Fern Britton.

It's called Britton's Got Tarrant.

[Jah Lush]

I've already done all my Christmas shopping this year. Bought socks and Y-fronts for all my aunts. See how they fucking like it.

[citizenED]

Did you know that Pumpkin circumference divided by pumpkin diameter equals... ... Pumpkin Pi.