"wow, she's pretty for a black girl"

[muffintop]

Sorry, ranting and raving this morning, I overheard the above comment directed at me on the train this morning, and I can't believe people wouldn't know that to me that is a really offensive comment! I was so insensed and upset I could not even think of a scathing retort, I just quietly steamed, I wished I had one of those really witty comeback comments to shut idiots like that up if I get into that situation again, it just completely took me by surprise. Incidentally came from two middle aged, obviously white, business type so-called men. Afterwards I thought of "I wouldnt **** you even with my mum's **** ya tosser, you've got more chance of troding in rocking horse poop!" but by then it was way too late and already after the fact, and slightly on the crass side for me.

[muffintop]

Any suggestions anyone?

By the way I am mixed race, but invariably get classed as black, I don't have a problem with it, but I am half white too and people rarely acknowledge that fact.

[mockney piers]

"and you're quite pretty for an ignorant prick, but I normally keep those observations to myself thanks very much" ?

[TillieTrotter]

I don't pretend to know how you feel muffintop but we all get derogatory remarks made about us for some reason or other i.e, big boobs, fat arse, ginger hair etc. Rise above it rather than getting upset, morons are morons there isn't much you can do to change that fact.

Enjoy the fact that youre obviously attractive.:))

[muffintop]

mockney piers Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> "and you're quite pretty for an ignorant prick,

> but I normally keep those observations to myself

> thanks very much" ?

Mockney, my knight in shining armour! >:D< good one!

[SeanMacGabhann]

It doesn't matter what I would want to say, I would have been rendered speechless upon hearing it

* checks calender *

Yep it's definitely 2008.

Come along to the drinks on Friday and have a forum group hug

[annaj]

muffintop, that's so unbelievably rude, I'm not surprised you needed to come on here and share your anger.

It's not even just the race aspect, although that is shocking, it's offensive on so many levels. The fact the two middle aged men think it's ok to sit and objectify and judge the women around them, loud enough for the women they're talking about to hear, is really arrogant.

Although it's tempting to think of an equally rude and scathing retort, it would only have been satisfying very breifly and probably wouldn't have had any impact. You probably did better just maintaining a dignified silence.

Hope you day improves.

[blinder999]

I think you have to ignore scum like that. I would guess they do know how offensive it is and were trying to get a reaction out of you - might even have been a reverse-psychology attempt at a chat-up:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/specials/am-pickup1011,1,6467330.story

"In lieu of complimentary openers about a woman's "soulful eyes" or "great personality," some men now rely on variations of such tried-and-true lines, as "What weird hair color -- that isn't natural," "Oh, you look just like a hobbit," and the piece de resistance, "Nice nails. Acrylic?"

Such bizarre tactics are being employed by men using reverse psychology, gleaned from card-carrying pick-up professionals, who believe a little misdirection and subtle indicators of interest are better than a sweaty handshake and all-too-earnest introduction.

Arguably no more sophisticated than pulling a pig-tail in the third grade, negative attention-grabbers may not intend to harm the "target," but they are a technique, for which purveyors of the multi-million dollar seduction self-help business have become most infamous."

[muffintop]

Well doubt those type of people will be gettig dates for the next two decades or so then!! feeling better now, sorry for the outburst!:-S

[mockney piers]

No probs, and Tillie's right, at least feel good about yourself in retrospect...noone ever admires my flowing locks or sexy legs *ahem* any more :(

[TillieTrotter]

Now Mockers, you know that's not true. You've a lovely set of pins;-)

[mockney piers]

awww shucks, cheers Tillie :-$

[giggirl]

I was quite offended when I saw the title of this thread and I'm even more offended now I've actually read it. So sorry that this happened to you Muffin. What a couple of pricks.

For years I used to put up with men talking to my chest whilst I silently seethed. Then I learned the trick of bobbing down slightly until I could make eye-contact. So embarrassing for the guy because he knows he?s totally busted.

[citizenED]

an obvious set of dimwits - it should be "wow, she's pretty for an African-Caribbean woman".

Muffintop, Mockneys retort was perfect, but you have to be damn confident to deliver something like that (reminds me of the scene in Notting Hill wehe Hugh Grant defends Julia Robert's honour in the restaurant when a bunch of besuited types are glibly judging her). As others have said - concentrate on the first part of the sentence, rather than the second. Oh, and come along to the drinks on Fri at the Herne.

Citizen

[mockney piers]

Oh, and if it's any consolation I only ever seem to think of retorts about 30 seconds too late too.

[Keef]

Now now Sean & Citizen, you're both seeming far too keen for muffin to attend the drinks now you know she's pretty? ;-)

Sorry you had to hear that sort of shite, and I hate to say it, but if you responded aggressively, these morons would quite possibly just put that down as being typical behaviour "for a black girl".

Blokes like that are just f**ing knob jockeys, they think because they're going in to the city in a suit, they are somehow special and can talk to anyone, particularly females, how they want. Quite often they talk to blokes like they are a turd on their leather shoes too though.

Maybe next time, just smile sweetly and ask "do you really think so?? I'd love to hear their response.

Or, just say "shame you're fugly", simply because I love the word fugly and think it should be used by everyone! >:D<

[ratty]

For people like that, being them is it's own punishement. Think about it and rejoice that you are normal!! :)

[SeanMacGabhann]

Surely there is more than sufficient attractive ladies at the forum drinks as it is - I hardly need to drum up any more!

I am merely an inveterate hugger (I blame Piers)

But muffintop should come anyway - so should everyone!

(Apart from the two gobshites on the bus obviously!)

[bob]

If a girl is "pretty "she is pretty if she's black white red or blue colour doe's not come in to it.

Bob S

[Ant]

So embarrassing for the guy because he knows he?s totally busted.

Pun intended giggirl? :)

Muffintop - my reply is essentially what Keef and Mockney said, so I won't waste too much space repeating it. They're twunts, you're pretty; you win.

[mockney piers]

Passed a girl in the street earlier and my (female) colleague said "eww muffintop".

I was totally shocked and thought she knew you for a moment; I had no idea it had a meaning!!!

[Moos]

Muffintop, what a horrible start to your day. I think Annaj hit the nail on the head with her post. And the idea that somehow black women are intrinsically less attractive than non-black women ("for a black girl")!!!!! Tell that to Naomi Campbell or Alek Wek.

Seriously, well done (even if involuntary) for your remaining silent - morons like that will not improve their narrow minds if reproached anyway, and you'd only have ended up feeling worse, and possibly in an unpleasant confrontation.

I do think the comment has to resonate more for its racial content than it would if it were 'pretty for a fat girl' or 'pretty for a ginger' (though all such comments are hateful), and you have every right to be upset.

Glad to hear from subsequent posts that you're feeling better, and I hope enjoying the sunshine today. Do bring your beautiful white half and your lovely black half to the drinks on Friday too!

[TillieTrotter]

What does Muffintop mean then?

[david_carnell]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muffin_top

[annaj]

Hhmmmm

*straightens up in chair and breathes in*

A degree of muffintop is natural and inevitable on all but the very thinnest of women and shouldn't be judged too harshly!

Muffintop, you should come to the drinks as should all the recent newbies who might be thinking about it. :))