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RosieH's story about Ken Hom in another thread made me chuckle and also made me think about other similar stories I'd heard.


My Mum is from Liverpool and in the Seventies she used to go to lots of parties and quite often there'd be LFC football players there. On one occassion she was sat in the lounge with some mates and this fella came running in to the room looking most pleased with himself.


He then proclaimed at the top of his voice "Gerrin'!!! Me berds upstairs in bed with Ray Clemence!!!" Dead chuffed he was.


Strange people these Scouse folk. ;-)

I heard a great story that years ago in the houses of parliment, you know the bit with the statues where the general public can go when they are on a tour. A very posh Labour peer saw Neil Kinnock and shouted across across the hall 'Neil'. Whereupon assembled general public promptly fell to their knees.

When she was a little girl, the daughter of Judi Dench was in the Nativity play playing the Innkeeper's wife.

A few reporters turned up to watch as the great actress Herself was there in the audience.

After the show, a reporter leant down to the little girl and asked what the Nativity is all about.

"Well, it's about this Innkeeper's Wife..."

Speaking of Neil Kinnock...


My friend Patricia was working as a receptionist for the Northern Ireland parliament, and on her first day Neil Kinnock rang up to speak to someone, and poor old Pat got a bit flustered and managed to cut him off. Anyway he rang back and gave her a right earful for cocking things up, and she then burst into tears, saying "I'm so sorry, its my first day...yadda yadda." NK then realised what a tit he'd been, apologised profusely, signing off with "It's just my way, see!"

old A30, now bypassed near Ottery St Mary in Devon - the road that leads down to the village of Whimple (where I used to live) had a big filling station at which a friend used to work. Car pulls up one day about 1994, and he sees with some disbelief that the driver is David Bowie and the wife Eamonn* is with him - he's not especially fan but he is a bit agog and not a little speechless - Bowie pays and as no words have been said, simply adds "yes, it's me" and goes back to pootling around the West Country



* just for Mark & Lard fans..

My friend and I suggested to Graham Bell that he and my ex compete to see who could do the most turns in 60 seconds on that ski machine he promotes at the Ski Show. We didnt realise who he was at the time, just thought he was some chap manning the stand. We were quite insistent and wondered why my ex, normally keen for a challenge refused point blank and seemed keen to leave the stand asap !

I went to see the MC5 a couple of years back at the Royal Festival Hall and went to the aftershow party. Pearl Lowe and her husband Danny (Supergrass) come over to me and think I'm in the band, which is a bit of a bloody cheek because they rather more older than I am. "Oh hiya, we really enjoyed the show," she says. "Err, actually I'm ligging just like you darling, but thanks anyway."

Realising I wasn't in the band or someone famous they discreetly did an about turn and started chatting to someone else, probably famous or probably not. Bloody shallow, superficial bastards!

about 20 years ago i was in a new york jazz club, i went to the loo and frank sinatra was there before me having a slash. after a few star struck moments i asked him as a favour, if when he left the loo he would approach my table and act all surprised and shocked, saying something along the lines of "jim i havn,t seen you for years etc" and greet me like a long lost buddy, he actually agreed to do it. so a few minutes later i was sitting with my mate when suddenly frankie comes over right on cue and begins the act. my mates were flabbergasted espicially when i turned to frank and told him to fuck off as i was with company.

ratty Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I once deliberatley p122ed on Frank Lampards shoes

> in a pub in Bethnal Green!

======================================================


Ermmm :-S in the middle of the pub?? (I know I shouldn't but I am secretly smirking at this)

Jimbob Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> about 20 years ago i was in a new york jazz club,

> i went to the loo and frank sinatra was there

> before me having a slash. after a few star struck

> moments i asked him as a favour, if when he left

> the loo he would approach my table and act all

> surprised and shocked, saying something along the

> lines of "jim i havn,t seen you for years etc" and

> greet me like a long lost buddy, he actually

> agreed to do it. so a few minutes later i was

> sitting with my mate when suddenly frankie comes

> over right on cue and begins the act. my mates

> were flabbergasted espicially when i turned to

> frank and told him to @#$%& off as i was with

> company.


Now there's a coincidence, I've done exactly the same thing with Sting and Mick Jagger.

Jimbob Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> about 20 years ago i was in a new york jazz club,

> i went to the loo and frank sinatra was there

> before me having a slash. after a few star struck

> moments i asked him as a favour, if when he left

> the loo he would approach my table and act all

> surprised and shocked, saying something along the

> lines of "jim i havn,t seen you for years etc" and

> greet me like a long lost buddy, he actually

> agreed to do it. so a few minutes later i was

> sitting with my mate when suddenly frankie comes

> over right on cue and begins the act. my mates

> were flabbergasted espicially when i turned to

> frank and told him to @#$%& off as i was with

> company.


Jimbob, is a good story but one I've heard many times before.

A friend of a friend of mine was on a ski holiday and one night spotted the singer Seal in a bar. Lurched up to him, started attempt at small talk related to skiing and uttered the immortal line, "so, are you a black man?" Needless to say, the said popster just gave her an incredulous look and ran away.


(NB I am not a skier myself but apparently what she meant was did he favour black runs - think that means difficult ones?)

That reminds me of being in Tignes skiing, a bit worse for wear in a bar and the guy in "My Family" and the BT ads ("Kris" someone) happened to be there.... We were in a large group and he ended up joining the group (hard not too, given the number in the party and size of bar) my friend said to him "arent you the chap in 2.4 children" He was most unimpressed!

Once while in Cape Town I stumbled into one of those 24hr petrol station shops in the wee hours, with a friend of mine. We were on a cigarettes and redbull scavenge.


When we got to the till there was a very attractive young lady in front of us. My mate, one of these long haired surfer types who fancies himself a ladies man, proceeded to shamelessly hit on her.


I stood back from the situation and watched as the young lady?s boyfriend approached and tapped my gallant friend on the shoulder. Then I started to giggle as he brushed the guys hand away and said something like, ?I?ll be with you in a minute mate.?


So the boyfriend tapped him on the shoulder again. This time my mate turned around and found himself staring directly at the chest of one Mr Bobby Skinstad the then captain of the Springbok Rugby team.


The expression on his face was priceless.

HonaloochieB Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I once sold Mickey Dolenz a shirt. He didn't take

> a lot of persuasion.

> Actually now I think of it, he wanted to buy it. I

> just wrote the receipt and took his money.

> He was pleasant enough though, if it makes any

> difference.


Ditto Billy Ocean.

Same shop different day. He wrote cheque and it turns out his name isn't Billy Ocean it's (I think) Leslie Charles.

Lying bastard.

I went to visit my Grandma last month and took her out for the day so we could spend some time together. We driving to Sandringham and she threw in to the conversation that Stephen Fry lived in the village we were driving through. I passed some comment about him being from Norfolk and then the following story emerged.


Turns out that my Grandma and Step Grandfather had lived in the same village as a young Master Fry. One of the locals had 6 daughters and was becoming increasingly frustrated at the prospect of marrying them all off. As Stephen was one of the local young men, it seemed quite obvious to everyone that he should be "courting" one of the daughters and they were continously trying to set him up. Obviously nothing ever came of it. If only they knew what we all do now eh....?


Grandma had me in stitches though as you don't generally expect to be having that sort of conversation with an 85 year old woman. My response was "So you know Stephen Fry?" and she told me that she used to see and chat to him all the time.


This is why is good to spend time with the Grandparents. :)

HonaloochieB Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> HonaloochieB Wrote:

I once sold Mickey Dolenz a shirt.

>

> Ditto Billy Ocean.

> Same shop different day. He wrote cheque and it

> turns out his name isn't Billy Ocean it's (I

> think) Leslie Charles.

> Lying bastard.

....Just to merge a couple of themes on this thread..

Same shop:Neil Kinnock...

When I was living in halls in Liverpool (96/97), John Barnes came to the student union to do a talk on racism in football. We decided not to bother going, as it was absolutely rammed, so we thought we'd just have a beer in the quiet bar upstairs.


I was there at the bar waiting to be served when it dawned on me that I was actually stood next to Mr Barnes himself. I rushed over to my then girlfriend, a scouser who was a big pool fan and loved John Barnes, but she said she was too shy to go over. A few minutes later I went over to him and asked if he'd come and say hello. He asked me which one was my girlfriend, so I said where we were, and that she was the little brunette and all that. A few minutes later, he comes over in what can only be described as a strut, and starts smooth talking her for a good few minutes. I was immediately forgotten by said girlfriend, and when he left I had to spend the rest of the evening hearing about it.


That is why I will never do anything nice for the current Mrs Keef! ;-)

John Barnes wasn't kidding then

You?ve got to hold and give

But do it at the right time

You can be slow or fast

But you must get to the line

They?ll always hit you and hurt you

Defend and attack

Theres only one way to beat them

Get round the back

Catch me if you can

Cos? I?m the England man

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