Things that have made me laugh 2

[SeanMacGabhann]

re: columnists - can someone put Barbare Ellen out of her and our misery - I used to love her back in here NME days but now it's embarrassing

[Jimbob]

and yer woman flett from get rid of that picture its like a throw back to a well known michael douglas/glenn close film.

[HonaloochieB]

Jimbob Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> and yer woman flett from get rid of that picture

> its like a throw back to a well known michael

> douglas/glenn close film.

The Real McCains?

[wee quinnie]

Jimbob Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> sorry quinnie have to disagree on that one, while

> the occasional dowling column is good, on the

> whole there are more misses than hits, whereas

> ronson was good every week.

> still miss was it mill millington and his column.

Hiya Jimbob - I didn't rate TD at the start, but he has really grown on me over the last couple of months - I had the same thing with Mil Millington, (although his other half was the real star of the show there imo).

[CamberwellOz]

Beans for everyone!

[Bellenden Belle]

Tim Dowling makes me smile sometimes... Andrew Clover in The Sunday Times is quite fun.... Flett sometimes gets it right, but Barbara Ellen went off the boil years ago. Oh and who was that alcoholic suave bloke on the back pages of the Observer....I never got him ever. I like Michael Holden's overheard section in the Saturday Guardian guide but find him very dull in Time Out. I love some of the columns in the guide looking at advertisements... Pete Paphides can turn a good line.

And is it Lucy Mangan?- the second columnist in the Saturday Guardian... dull dull dull - even looking at her picture I just yawn.

Don't get the Times selection of self-absorbed women with names like Candice (sounds too much like an ointment) and why bother with Slummy Mummy when we have our very own Dulwich Mum.

Ahhhh, but Ronson, Ronson.... now he was a gem.

[SeanMacGabhann]

On the plus side - Laura Barton and Marina Hyde - my heroes

[Brendan]

On that point BB. Why do the English pronounce the name Candice, Candeeeeeeeeeese?

[SeanMacGabhann]

Euan Ferguson?? Is that him? I remember enjoying them for a while but he seemed to lose interest as well

[Brendan]

This from mash of the day, "Home secretary Jacqui Smith said the police must take full responsibility for misinterpreting government guidelines in exactly the way she told them to."

[Huguenot]

It's because we is French innit.

That's why we visit the 'promen-aaaahd' in the sarf, and the 'promen-aid' up norf.

[EDOldie]

*Bob* always makes me laugh but this has to be the most succinct argument for retaining BST and saying up yours to the Scots.

'Be thankful for it.

If the French have their way and manage to push through this new EU directive, time will instead be measured in units of 'onions'. And instead of the clocks going backward and forward, Britons will be required to spend two hours per year smoking, shrugging and eating the parts of animals that most right-minded people discard.'

[Moos]

Oh and who was that alcoholic suave bloke on the back pages of the Observer....I never got him ever.

Can BB possibly mean Jeffrey Bernard (as in 'unwell')? I suppose not, no-one ever described him as suave. Perhaps 'High Life''s Taki Theodoracupulos - a name that makes our own Michael P sound like, well, John Smith.

No offence to any John Smiths that may post on the forum.

[SeanMacGabhann]

* harrumphs *

[Moos]

Sean MacGabhann, ever selflessly to the defence of the innocently persecuted. I salute you, sir, and your high ideals.

*goes off giggling*

[SeanMacGabhann]

so childish ;-)

I just did a search for translation + Sean Macgabhann

Turns out I'm a Christian author of some kind - who knew!!

[georgia]

For all who work with rude customers - an award should go to this Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney:

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'. The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.'

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. 'We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.' With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F... You!' Without flinching, she smiled and said 'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too.'

[KalamityKel]

Haha I wonder who the brave attendant was... I shall make some enquiries and see if she can be loaned out ;-)

[georgia]

IT Helpdesk Questions:

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

Tech support: 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P ' to bring up the Program Manager.'

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Colin.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

Customer: can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.

[Jah Lush]

georgia Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> For all who work with rude customers - an award

> should go to this Virgin Airlines desk attendant

> in Sydney:

>

> A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after

> Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A

> single attendant was rebooking a long line of

> inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry

> passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped

> his ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE

> to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST

> CLASS'. The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir.

> I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to

> help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be

> able to work something out.'

> The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so

> that the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU

> HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'

> Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and

> grabbed her public address microphone: 'May I have

> your attention please, may I have your attention

> please,' she began - her voice heard clearly

> throughout the terminal. 'We have a passenger here

> at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone

> can help him find his identity, please come to

> Desk 14.' With the folks behind him in line

> laughing hysterically, the man glared at the

> Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said,

> 'F... You!' Without flinching, she smiled and said

> 'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line

> for that too.'

That was originally done by the late great Peter Cook whilst a stuffy customer and his entrourage were trying to get into the Playboy Club back in the 60s or 70s. But well done to the attendent for remembering it.

[Ted Max]

Re: Does East Dulwich have a gay club/society/community?

Posted by: SeanMacGabhann Today, 01:09PM

I've met plenty of gay people in ED in my 8 years here, and several frequent this very forum

However, anytime I've seen a suggested gathering advised, response has usually been pretty poor (ie no bugger shows up)

Arf.

[Keef]

LOL absolutely superb Sean!

[Brendan]

Colleague 1 to colleague 2 about 5 minutes ago, while explaining the points of historical interest they are going to pass en route to a meeting this evening.

?I?ll take you up the back alley behind the old court houses.?

[mockney piers]

Some of these have had me in stitches

Dumb Britain Compendium

[*Bob*]

"OFFERED - Home Haircuts

Posted by: local estate agent Today, 02:38PM"