Dating Disaster

[jaybee82]

After an horrendous Valentines day date this year, I thought I'd share this cautionary tale with you all...well that, and my mates are sick of hearing about it...

I agreed to meet up with this girl who works with a mate of mine for a few drinks on what coincidentally happened to be Valentines Day, the Saturday just gone. From (hazy) memory we got talking at the work drinks in question, and my mate reliably informed/reminded me that 1/she wasn't a nutter and 2/ we hit it off quite well. The venue was a pub on the river by Hammersmith Bridge on Saturday afternoon at 4pm. Nice and informal. Happy days.

I arrived at said pub a couple of minutes early so got myself a pint in and pitched up outside to appreciate the rare bit of sun on offer and take in the surroundings. A pretty big group of lads were hard on the drinks outside and taking in a bit of the rugby, and feeling a bit sheepish on my tod I struck up some light banter while I was waiting.

Time ticked by, and we reached 4:15. No sign. Fearing being stood up, I necked the rest of my pint and was about to move on but was stopped by one of the lads laughing at someone further up the river. 'Ere lads, come and have a look at this!' was the cry. What was to follow was quite horrifying. A girl, who appeared extremely worse-for-wear, was making her way along the river in a zig-zag motion, pausing to grab the handrail every so often and boosting herself up over the side a couple of times to let out the odd retch.

Now the lads clearly loved it, and were wolf-whistling away and giving her quite a bit of stick. I must admit I did snigger a bit myself too...until she came into view. This was my date, absolutely smashed off her face.

I finished up and made a break for it, but was too slow and she recognised me. She flung her arms around me and said she wanted another drink. The lads were finding the whole thing hilarious, and naturally I was pretty keen to get away ASAP. She asked for a Vodka and Coke but fearing this wasn't wise I fobbed her off with just coke, which seemed to help for a while until she fell off her stool. She professed she wasn't pi$$ed, but the speckles of vomit on her chin and clothes told another story entirely. She then abused a few of the locals and smashed her glass (albeit accidentally), at which point I made it time to go.

I got up, used the age-old 'I'm off to the toilet' line and ran. And ran. And ran.

[Mikecg]

Oh! Dear!.

The thing that gets me is, I would have smelt a rat when my mate said she wasn't a nutter?. I would have thought "Why did he say that" he must have known that she has an appreciation for the sauce or something.

Nevermind, looks like a happy ending. Hehe!

[jaybee82]

Well it turns out a few of her friends were going for lunch drinks beforehand for a birthday or something. Couldn't quite make out her slurred verse. Still, like you said, a near miss.

[????]

Do you aspire to be a Journo for "Loaded"?

[dulwichmum]

Mikecg,

You are a fine one to give advice.

You couldn't smell a rat if the rat was the size of a dog and stood at eye level, six inches from your nose, on top of a great big dustbin, with a great big electric sign hanging around his neck in neon that said "rat"...

[Mikecg]

Just think how much worse it could have been, date 1 controled informal and rather pleasant. date 2 paraletic with all your friends around.

[Brendan]

You big girls blouse. You should have bought her some tequila and taken her a posh restaurant in the West End. Then recounted a hugely sentimental tale about yourself, breaking into tears at least twice before declaring that you thought you were falling in love with her.

That would have been far more entertaining.

[Mikecg]

Bitter and twisted are we DM.

[ThinLizzy]

Jaybee -- if you were born in the 70s you'd know how to treat a woman -- poor love, she was probably so nervous about going on a date with a fine hunk of a man that she felt the need to have some dutch beforehand... you should take it as a compliment! You must be quite a catch ;)

[jaybee82]

Pfff well I try! I had no idea I was so intimidating to women!

Not sure I agree though Brendan, it was like being in the company of a twentysomething ADHD sufferer. Respect to you for not throwing in the towel though!

[Keef]

Well if no one else is going to say it, I guess I'll have to...

Did you not just think to yourself "I could be in for a shag here"?

[Brendan]

Good gods almighty Keef! Kids these days.

There are a few other things you could have done to ?iron out the wrinkles? in the evening.

If you noticed that she had a lipstick in her bag, ask to see it and start applying it to your lips while telling her how much you appreciate that you can be yourself around her.

When the waiter delivers your food, thank them with a hug.

Point out how beautiful the, chandelier/curtains/pot plants or whatever are and become moved to tears.

Spill you drink and chastise yourself by slapping your own face.

Don?t eat any of your potatoes and say it is because, ?The Leader forbids them.?

You should probably buy her some more tequila about now.

[Jeremy]

Did you attempt to take her home (I mean, back to her home to sleep it off)... presumably running away was the last resort?!

[jaybee82]

Crossed my mind momentarily Keef, but the sick dribbling from her chin killed that off pretty sharpish. I did consider bundling her into the nearest cab but even that seemed like hard work when she could barely stand.

Brendan are you free for a date sometime? Sounds like exactly my bag.

[Asset]

well, let's hope she got home safe - sounds like she was in a bad way.

[giggirl]

Oh goodness. I feel really sorry for the poor girl. It only takes about three drinks for me to get in a pretty bad way so I walk a very thin line between "just taken the edge off" and "I need to go to sleep NOW". Can't believe you even considered a shag - wouldn't that be rape?

[bigbadwolf]

Ha ha that your last post was good Brendan. Jaybee please tell me you took advantage.

[jaybee82]

Of course I didn't, just humouring Keef! I did feel a bit bad for bailing on her but I'm sure I'm not the only one who would have done the same. Last I saw before my swift exit she was having a little snooze against the fruit machine anyhow.

[bigbadwolf]

Peek down her cleavage?

[Applespider]

She's got to take responsibility for getting into a state like that although you never know whether a drink in the previous place was spiked or they were all doubles so suddenly you are drunker than you thought.

I do think abandoning her wasn't particularly nice although I wouldn't have expected you, on a first date, to take her all the way home. I suspect I'd have tried grabbing her phone and calling/texting a couple of her friends to say that she was in a bad way and they should come and help her home. If she was passed out, someone may have helped themselves to her purse, keys, phone so she might have a lot of trouble getting home later.

[bigbadwolf]

Applespider you're an example to us all. I'd at least have a 'rummage'.

[jaybee82]

You're a very sick man BBW...

[bigbadwolf]

The correct term is depraved. I already know I'm going to hell but it'll be warm and I'll know people there so, whateveeeerrr!

[giggirl]

Maybe this girl behaves like this all the time and is someone who needs to be given a very wide bearth. Or maybe it was a one off and the girl was in trouble and needed some help. However funny it may have looked (and yes it does have a comedy side to it), she's someone's sister, someone's daughter, someone's loved-one. Granted we all need to take responsibility for our own actions and yes, granted it was embarrassing and it didn't help having those rugby guys having a laugh at your expense, but come on, I wouldn't want to think of one of my friends in this position. How is it going to sit with you if you get a call from the police later today to say she didn't make it home?

You were in a rotten situation and "date from hell" doesn't begin to cover it - but I think you could have done a bit more before you bailed.

[Keef]

Just for the record, I was only being light hearted, but I bet it crossed a few minds.

As for "wouldn't that be rape", I don't think so, she as an adult got herself in to whatever state she was in, and if she consented to a bunk up, then it's not rape. Had jaybee82 met her sober, and purposely gotten her off her tits, then I think that would be a different matter.

She may have woken up in the morning with regrets, but I think it would be very harsh to call it rape if she was up for it at the time (and he'd done nothing to mess with her head).

Of course I am no legal expert, and may be talking absolute nonsense!