Jump to content

Lent

Moos

By Moos
in The Lounge

 Share

Recommended Posts

Moos

Moos

Posted
Posted

Thanks to the ill-timed interference of a certain Forumite, (6), Mr. Moos has persuaded me that it would be a good idea to give up all sweets, biscuits and chocolate for Lent.


So here I am on Shrove Tuesday stuffing fudge into my face at a rapid rate and full of grr.


Now, I have to say that the seams of my trousers will be glad of the respite, as they've had to work slightly harder than usual recently, ahem, possibly due to the presence of Millie's Cookies at London Bridge - so hard to resist at the end of the working day when the blood sugar is low.


Anyone else planning to suffer through 6 weeks - count 'em! - of what our vicar calls 'Our Lenten discipline'?

Link to comment
https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/5424-lent/
Share on other sites
Jah Lush

Jah Lush

Posted
Posted

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?


A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?


A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?


A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?


A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?


A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?


A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?


A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?


A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?


A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?


A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!



Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'



AND.....



For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.


1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION


Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Link to comment
https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/5424-lent/#findComment-173923
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing
  • Advertise Here

  • Latest Discussions

    • CPR Dave
      Where can you smell Wood Burning stoves in East Dulwich

      By CPR Dave · Posted

      These are the smokeless fuels you can burn on a open fireplace in Southwark: https://smokecontrol.defra.gov.uk/fuels-php/england/ https://www.southwark.gov.uk/planning-environment-and-building-control/environment/air-quality/reduce-air-pollution/reduce-smoke
    • malumbu
      Advice on dealing with a solicitor who will not use modern means of communication

      By malumbu · Posted

      Thanks all, our hope was (despite the diminishing estate) he would get on with it.  Progress is glacial, it's been two years since probate was granted, that's two cold and damp winters with no heating, and not surprisingly a pipe burst. He's blames the issues on the estate agent, who separately had a dispute with him, he had a wobbly when one of the beneficiaries spoke to the estate agent.  Separately he said it was the family's fault for letting the property get into a poor condition.  It was dated, but certainly not in poor condition. There are two five star reviews on Google, and five one star: ** WARNING** This solicitor firm has to be one of the worst I have encountered. The solicitor is prehistoric in his practices and will carry out work at his own snails pace, the fax machine he uses gets turned off at 2 pm and its near impossible to get him on the phone. STAY AWAY, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, check the solicitors ombudsman, this firm has previous bad practice recorded.   Disgusting under no circumstances use this solicitor.For over 10 years he has not carried out the terms of a Will he has not re-invested money but has retained it.  He writes letters which are pure "Flannel" excuses for doing nothing.  You have been warned   shocking experience, delayed the whole process, told other side solicitors to not contact him as he feels pressured etc. never use.   Not fit for 21st century. No website, no email address, no electronic transfer. Very slow, very little communication.   Was not a pleasant experience dealing with this firm    
    • ctovey
      Is the Choumert Road bus stop open yet following the ending of pavement works. Thanks

      By ctovey · Posted

      If you mean the one outside the church going towards Peckham, it still had the closed sign on it this morning, but as there are no road works there, I'm sure some of the drivers will stop there on request.  The stop outside the chippy coming from Peckham is closed as there are road works in front of it.  The 4 way traffic lights are in operation.., causing a lot of congestion.
    • theron2
      Electrician - Geek electrics - Bob Barwell

      By theron2 · Posted

      We found a recommendation for Geek Electrics on a here after we wanted to have a electrical inspection of a property we are buying. From the very beginning through to the end Bob was responsive, helpful and demonstrated his knowledge. He has been an absolute pleasure to deal with. We will defiantly be using Bob again and would thoroughly recommend him! His details are... www.geekelectrics.co.uk 07453 407 226 [email protected]

East Dulwich Forum

Established in 2006, we are an online community discussion forum for people who live, work in and visit SE22.

Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...