Dragons' Den - The 'one' shop

[Jeremy]

I didn't mean my post as an insult, just saying that pensioners would be the most likely customers for something like this, and they tend to have very little disposable income. I think that this business would struggle to make a profit, and would probably be an unfulfilling experience for our budding entrepreneur.

[KalamityKel]

Hona my dear as I mentioned earlier I see 324 a more appealing offer unless of course as part of the whole BOGOF offer I can choose a different item which would be free afterall, as I hate the whole shopping task, I don't see why I should be going shopping for others too ;-)

[bigbadwolf]

"Hello, My name is Jaybee and I've come here to talk to you about an exciting new venture in the retail sector. It's a tried and tested strategy that combines advertising and profit gain in the same purchase scenario that has been tried and tested in corner shops the length and breadth of the country. Buy one get one free".

Duncan B: "Yeev com here wiv a praposhal that ma wee bairns ca dee better. Apart from being unshound itsh queet frankly an offensive proposhal tee a tight Scottish cont like mashelf. Fa dat reashon, Am oot!"

[HonaloochieB]

Amazing BBW, it's like he's in the room.

[bigbadwolf]

Your turn Hona. Take your pick of which Dragon you wish too impersonate.

[HonaloochieB]

HonaloochieB Wrote:

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> As you haven't bother to make a complimentary

> remark about my heliotrope hoopy socks, I'm out.

Already done BBW.

[Jeremy]

Did anyone see the Dragons on Wossy the other night? What *was* James Caan wearing?

[James]

This shop already exists. It is called Waitrose.

[????]

James Wrote:

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> This shop already exists. It is called Waitrose.

Soon to open in the old Co-op building by the Plough

*goes off for shower whistling innocently*

[Ted Max]

I've had a good dig round but I can't find all the threads insulting the old of East Dulwich - as advertised by Macroban. Which is disappointing because I fancied getting a bit of geriatric disparagement in before tea time.

Can someone point me in the direction of these? Maybe Macroban can do the necessary when it's her turn to have a go on the library computer again? (See? I'm a natural)

[HonaloochieB]

And when they've exhausted the library they all congregate at Hope & Greeenwod and chafe the propreiters about the authenticity of their merchandise.

When the patient owners point out how well they source their products and how close it is to the sugary crap it was originally, they start screaming about how much more expensive it is than before WW11.

The females storm off screeching exactly like the Monty Python cast used to do when they dragged up as old women.

Thus affording the males the opportunity to trouser some 'cough' candy and licorice whips.

They then meet up in the MIND shop to divvy up the loot.

All the while loudly remarking that in their day no one had the chance to be mad.

They were all too busy being evacuees or widows.

Blimey O' Reilly Ted, you're right, this senior-baiting is quite bracing, isn't it?

Hope your tea time went well anyway.

[Ted Max]

It did, thanks, Hona. I was quite refreshed as I had fortuitously run into Mavis from number eight in the mini mart. I insulted her on matters various for a few minutes, before buying the last (single) Battenberg. Her face was a picture.

[HonaloochieB]

Probably like that Doreen Gray. Now there was a stranger to Oil Of Ulay. Olay as well I shouldn't wonder.

Battenberg? Can't touch a crumb of it since I heard that Johnny Cash song, Boy Named Sue. BOY? Named Sue? SUE. IF you don't mind.

Anyway one line goes 'It was Gatlinberg in mid-July', but I took it as 'Battenberg' and I've been unable to allow a morsel past my lips since.

I blame his diction of course, but hardly surprising, UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

Bit of a druggie they reckon.

[macroban]

Bah! It don't work.

[Ted Max]

"Airbrushing expert Michelle Facey" might have an undeclared interest.

[Moos]

"Woman Made Up And Well Lit In Looking Better Than When She's Looking Downwards On Way To Shops Shocker"

"Daily Mail in Don't Get Above Yourself You're Still Just A Woman And We Will Take You Down Shocker"

[citizenED]

Hey JayBee baby, could I possibly buy just a single hundreds and thousands?

[Jeremy]

Citizen, surely a single piece of "hundreds and thousands" would just be a "one"?

[jaybee82]

I'm beginning to see a few drawbacks with this idea...

[Moos]

Citizen, of course you may buy a 'single'. However, since the smallest denomination of currency in the UK is a penny, sorry 1p, that is what it must be priced at. Jaybee's profit margin will be spectacular!

[citizenED]

Hmmm, well if you put it that way, Moos, I think I'll find a better way to spend a penny.

[macroban]

VAT gets interesting when it comes to very low value purchases.

Hundreds and thousands are liable to standard rate VAT at 15%.

A strict reading of the VAT legislation means that:

[A] the sale of one hundred and thousand at one penny including tax incurs a VAT liability of one penny,

the sale of one hundred and thousand at one penny excluding tax incurs a VAT liability of one penny.

Not many people know that.

Edited: to remove the stupid B in parenthesis smiley Admin has implemented.

[HonaloochieB]

I remember when it was all hundreds and thousands, it's billions everywhere you look nowadays.

I could understand a hundred and a thousand, but a billion is like some strange number that is just completely random and could mean anything.

Like the people who have three numbers, one, two and many.

[macroban]

No need to be coy: you can name the one, two, many people.

[Moos]

Oh dear, we'll have to price the 'ones' at .867p then.

jaybee, shall we just do what everyone else on LL does and open a bar?