Thoughts on 40

[Narnia]

I didn't realise women were ever older than 21?

[karter]

Ladymuck Wrote:

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> karter Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > think he wanted MORE female responses...

>

> What makes you think TRB is a "he"? Personally,

> I'm leaning towards "she".

You are right fluffy LM, i was not thinking.

You lot are a bunch of spring chickens on here.

[PeckhamRose]

TRB your assumption that you'll get more female responses in the family section is not a little irritating, since so many men and women don't do / have 'families' and the thought that only females do - like, you know, was irritating. grrrr.

So wait till you hit fifty - then you get irritated more easily.

But in actual fact becoming forty upset me because I had hoped I'd have been more successful in my chosen careers, but in another way I settled into it nicely because my friends accepted me as I was (and still am) and the depth of friendships meant a lot to me. I spent five days in Paris being spoilt rotten by MrPR. And quite rightly so. Friends of mine who turned forty also reported that they began to notice their parents stopped hassling them to have children and started accepting them as they were. A nice thought. Enjoy it. It's just a day. You're still alive!

[Ladymuck]

karter Wrote:

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>

> You lot are a bunch of spring chickens on here.

You're hardly an old broiler!

[PeckhamRose]

Declan Wrote:

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> I didn't realise women were ever older than 21?

I am 51. The pressure on women 'of a certain age' to not reveal their age, and women who won't do so, irritates me too! It's putting women's 'demands' to be treated equally back to the 60s.

My Mum has alzheimers and I hope it's not hereditary. I'm 51. Did I say?

[TillieTrotter]

Forty is great as you finally feel confident in your own skin. I got rid of my business, my husband and lots of weight. I got a life in fact. Enjoy it.

[TRB]

Peckham Rose, sorry to irritate but you must admit that the Family section is full of females happy to reply

I also fully understand being irritated - most things irritate me now so dread how I'll be as I get older.

[legalbeagle]

I'm 37 and dreading being 40. I used to be thin, rich and single. What happened??!!!! But then I'm feeling very poorly today so maybe I should consider the issue again when I don't have appalling earache......:'(

[candj]

This is deja vu.

I love being forty, strangely. I recently read something comparing happiness in life to a 'J' curve. The very bottom of the curve is the mid-thirties and as one gets older our happiness increases (presumably because life becomes easier, we become more confident, career is established and we become financially secure, kids grow up (move out!), etc). I think it's very true, in my opinion, and a nice way to look at life.

[SeanMacGabhann]

I'm in agreement with the lovely Ms Trotter above

heading for 30 was (melo)dramatic and angsty - 31 and onwards has been a revelation and 40 was no bother at all (in fact it was blast - in no small part thanks to many people of this parish)

41 is so far so good too. I may start looking for a pause button in a few years tho'

[DaveR]

Obviously, 40 is not that different from 39 or 41, except that 'milestone' birthdays tend to be when we take stock of where we are and maybe where we're headed. When I turned 30 people asked whether it was a big deal, and I laughed - in the period leading up to that I had got married, bought my first house etc., so the idea that a birthday represented some kind of tipping point was obviously ridiculous. Turning 40 was similar; lots of genuinely important things happened between 30 and 40 (birth of kids, death of parent) so just having a birthday with a '0' on the end was pretty trivial.

40 is a great reason to have a massive party. It needn't be anything else.

[louisiana]

Roll Deep Wrote:

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> Age is irrelevant. The ability to misbehave is

> essential. Man or woman.

I'm with Roll Deep on this one.

Plus: 50 is the new 40.

[legalbeagle]

Rationally DaveR you are completely correct. But I'm too old to be a supermodel or a popstar or an international sporting hero, and that is starting to bother me! (Age is of course my only bar to these various professions, you understand.)

[Oh good lord the painkillers are wearing off. How is it possible for earache to be this bad! This is another sign of age, no?]

[TillieTrotter]

That's because we're both chilled out forty-somethings lovely Mac;-)

[daizie]

Oh get a cubicle .. see me , im highly strung * see piano thread*

[PeckhamRose]

Soooo no men in the families section eh?

Families being the women's job/role/responsibility? Or what.

TRB Wrote:

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> Peckham Rose, sorry to irritate but you must admit

> that the Family section is full of females happy

> to reply

> I also fully understand being irritated - most

> things irritate me now so dread how I'll be as I

> get older.

[legalbeagle]

I'm sure that's not what the OP meant.

Don't be such a silly girl. :))

[Roll Deep]

PeckhamRose Wrote: Families being the women's job/role/responsibility? Or what.

If you read the Telegraph...yes.

[Sue]

Ladymuck Wrote:

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> Sue Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > Turning 60 was something else altogether.

> >

> > AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

>

>

> It couldn't have been that bad...after all, you

> can actually remember when blocks of ice-cream

> contained a pistachio flavour. Whereas I cannot

> recall what I ate for breakfast this morning...

xxxxxxxx

What's pistachio? :)):)):))

[Ladymuck]

Sue Wrote:

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> What's pistachio? :)):)):))

Don't ask me...I thought you knew!!!

[Roll Deep]

Deerrrrr...it's a tree.

[legalbeagle]

A drunken moustache?

[giggirl]

Dear TRB,

I'm a woman. Here are some observations on my turning 40 and how I think I?ve changed as a result. Everything I write here is deeply personal for me so try not to judge and I?ll return the favour. Sorry they?re a bit rambling but I?m struggling to be coherent this evening.

I believe wholeheartedly that in life you have to play the hand that has been dealt you. Whatever you don?t have; don?t cry about it. Enjoy what you do have. You are who you are; you?ve got what you?ve got ? don?t let people bully you into believing you?re not good enough. If you don?t like who you are then change it ? otherwise learn to love yourself or you are doomed to unhappiness.

Children ? I don?t have any. My 20s and 30s were blighted by severe gynaecological problems that meant (a) I couldn?t conceive and (b) my body was fucked up to the point that I seriously and frequently thought about suicide. I gave up trying to get pregnant when I turned 40 and had a coil fitted. I?m a healthier and happier person for it. This has changed my life; seriously.

Because I haven?t had children I feel that I frequently (and I do mean frequently) fall foul of other people?s prejudices and assumptions and I haven?t yet learned how to deal with them.

I took stock of my life when I turned 40 (I think most people do); re-evaluated my relationships, my friendships, my closets! Just before my 40th birthday I got rid of a highly manipulative boyfriend and that alone felt like a huge burden was lifted from me. He used to check the mileage on my car on a daily basis and quiz me about where I?d been. I don?t miss him. He?s STILL trying to get me back ? phoned me just last week ? he doesn?t hear ?no?. That was part of the problem.

Sex ? as Miss Jean Brodie once said, ?I?m in my prime?. Enough said.

I?ve been on the planet a while now, I have forged some strong friendships. You need to invest effort in friendships to nourish them or they will fizzle out from neglect. When I turned 40 I jettisoned a few friendships that weren?t working for me so I could pay more attention to the ones that were.

Gravity ? mother nature is a mean old cow and takes no prisoners.

It definitely takes longer to get ready now. I spend more time putting my slap on than I used to. I don?t want to look younger ? I just want to look as good as I can for my age. It takes more time and more effort when you?re older. So be it. Get used to it.

Confidence ? I never had any. People always assumed I was confident ? apparently I give that impression ? but they were wrong. I have acquired some inner confidence in my 40s and I must say it?s a wonderful thing to have.

I believe that people are basically good. Even when those around me behave badly, I don?t find it so hard to still see the good in them. As I?m getting older and less riddled with doubt and insecurities, I find it easier not to take what people say and do personally. I?m aware now that everyone is fighting their own demons so I don?t assume everything is about me. It?s a different way of seeing things and its a million miles from how I saw things in my 20s.

Finances ? I made some good investments - they?ve matured and so have I. Basically I can afford whatever I want. Fabulous.

There?s a lot of ageism out there and a lot of assumptions are made about 40 something women. It?s not a battle I particularly want to fight but I am aware of it.

I don?t feel the need to be fashionable or cool. I don?t care if someone thinks my ipod choices are a bit iffy. I?m not trying to impress anyone. I loved Susan Boyle?s ?Wild Horses? ? it made me cry ? so there! Vogue is my bible and I get a real kick out of seeing the new collections, but NOBODY is going to dictate to me what I can and can?t wear. Uncool is so hot it?s the new cool.

I?m done for now. I hope I haven't over shared.

[SteveT]

Dear Giggsy

That is an awful lot of personal stuff and you come out smelling of roses, good for you.

[????]

*Stands and applauds*