dulwichmum

Darling Batdog, Your offers are extremely tantalising, but I would never forgive myself if I went to meet you for a 'full detox' as you suggest. Although James would not even notice (the rugby season is currently in full swing), Fr O'Connor would spot the spring in my step immediately. He would surely expose my misdemeanor to the entire community and have me tarred and feathered and then run out of town! I mean Mr Batdog, in these heels? You really would not wish that on anyone. Have you seen the film 'Ryans daughter?' The Irish are barbarians - although slightly more cultured than the French (toilet paper of better quality). DM

I have come this far alcohol free - so I must try to complete this whole Lent thing, even though it is killing me! I keep putting comments on other threads, and then finding that other peoples comments seem to slot in above mine, and my comment is left in obscurity, not relating to anything else and appears random... unless that is just a sign of detoxing and my mind is starting to play tricks on me?

Pulls enormous duvets from capacious handbag and places one over Mr Mikewbate and one over Mr Crystal...

Does anyone know when is Easter this year? I can't drink until Easter sunday...

Dear Kathryn, What should I look out for? Do you favour a particular designer or colour of frame? I try to avoid anything blingtastic - metal frames are so last year. Don't you agree? What do you think of white frames?

Yes, indeed James is right. Sexual intercourse should never involve barrier methods of contraception, and the act itself should only take place in the context of a married relationship - and then only when trying for a baby - clearly! My mammy is always right in these matters, the priest tells her everything she knows...

Mr Keef, You are indeed an inspiration to all men of breeding I am sure.

Dear Kathryn, What a super idea! I have seen the most amazing selection of over sized sunglasses in that enormous House of Fraser on London Bridge (Monument?) - I shall go there on Monday and keep you posted! I think we should keep this thread as a thread just to support those of us making Lenten sacrifices...

Hears Mr Batdog growling in bag - warning of freinds now present in Lounge. Discretely removes pad, and new rejuvinated self slips from behind screen. Remembers buzzing appliance in handbag, reaches in to turn it off....... Mr Batdog!

I do not like France at all. Some of the department stores and restaurants have toilet cubicles with doors that are about a foot off the floor, so the people outside can admire your shoes and rob your handbag. It is terribly undignified! Also, you can find the occasional establishment with a hole in the floor type porcelain toilet - and their toilet paper is unnecessarily paper like in consistency. No, no, no, France is best left to the French. The Germans, now they always have good facilities. Go to Germany. The French are virtually barbarians...

Wafts into lounge, realises that the pads from new Cleo facial exercising machine are still stuck to face, rushes behind Japanese screen. Decides as no-one seems to be here yet, to plug in and give self a further 'lift'. Hopes no-one is curious of buzzing sound behind screen.

Hurrah! Looking forward to your PM Mr Keef!

Dear Mr Batdog, you are back!!!

Mr Simon M, Clearly I do all of my real shopping on Ocado, but in search of a good coffee and some space - I had been making random visits to Sainsbury's on Dog Kennel Hill. Not any more, I can assure you!

Mr Muttley, Did you ever see his cute and cuddley self in the flesh so to speak? He is just a dream boat. Why I went to see him at Earls Court and he was wearing rubber trousers! My word, he made me glad to be alive...

Dear Mr Mockney, I think I was more traumatised by the memory of Andy Williams in one of the earlier U tube clips. Why would he never give the damn bear any cookies? Am I the only person who was traumatised by that image in the 1970's?

Yes, I spend a fortune in there, and end up with random rubbish like a tiny bunch of coriander, some dishwasher tablets and kitchen paper with picture of Pooh the bear on it. The only consolation for spending a fortune and having nothing to show for it was an enormous Vente Latte and a ginger bread man for the boy wonder!

James, I think you are describing my five year old son Max. He has been stacking shelves as part of his Duke of Edinburgh award. Shame on you!

Dear Kathryn, My mother says that 'Protestants' make up their own rules (she is a real charmer isn't she?). As far as she is concerned the damned reformists have caused no end of trouble... Anyhow, according to darling 'mammy', if you are observing Lent properly - you are to abstain for the entire duration of it, even Sundays. The Easter eggs on Easter Sunday are indeed (good old Keef) a reward for behaving yourself. On Easter Sunday we shall party! I could murder a drink, and so I had a virtual drinking session in the Lounge yesterday, and drank a bottle of gin through a straw. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Honestly! Good luck Kathryn, it is good to know someone else is suffering too. It actually feels quite supportive.

Dear Katgod, But will they sell ginger bread men, and have big deep armchairs for exhausted breast feeding mothers? I shop in the enormous Sainsbury's in Sydenham sometimes, and there is one of those big electric rocking ride-on's in their dreadful coffee shop. It costs me a small fortune to sit on their hard chairs and drink their Nescafe.

Has anyone seen anyone worthwhile around here? Like Gary Barlow perhaps???

Bekons Ana to bring fluffy white towel. Climbs out of hot tub in the manner of Cleopatra in a 'Carry on' Film. Disappears behind Japanese screen.

Dear SimonM, I can think of nothing nicer than a Starbucks opening in the old music shop on Parkhall Road. Wow! Please Mr Fractionator - tell your sister about that site!!!

Bekons Ana and whispers a request for 'Wham! - Club Tropicana' to be played in the background (quietly - clearly)... Admires red toe nail polish.

Dear Clare, The children will be wearing crocs, but I find a bit of a lift in the heel accentuates the shaps of the leg, so I shall be continuing to avoid Birkies and Uggs too.