dulwichmum

How about Starbucks? A great big one... DM

Dear Nero, You make Stockport sound delightful, I shall consider it a future holiday destination. Mr Karter, I am intriged (did I spell that properly?), mmm necesities, that would mean that you work in Moo too. Are you Pat or Maggie then? Or perhaps you are the lovely dark haired lady who served me in Dr Boo earlier on? She did make me laugh...

Don't you agree though Mr Domitianus, That chap from Eastenders should be prevented from reproducing? He has put me right off my cheese and biscuits!

Dear Karter, Yes indeed, it was noonish when I was about on Lordship Lane, collecting my dry cleaning and buying my lamb joint and scallops for the weekend. I wonder which establishment you work in?

Dear Ant, The staff are always very friendly, go and buy Mrs Ant a nice bottle of their Cava - it is very good, and the food very nice indeed. They have a superb selection of puddings. Do you need a babysitter? Our au pair is free... (I mean has nothing to do - clearly I cannot say she is free of charge! She is very experienced, and has the patience of a saint) I however, actually, am free of charge and free of all commitments! Hell, we could do the gig together if you like?

Dear Nero, Where pray is SK3? It seems I am all alone in Dulwich - everyone else has left for holidays far away. There were no ques in any of the shops on Lordship Lane this afternoon, I had William Rose all to myself this afternoon - unheard of! DM

Yes Trinity, I have been given that impression on more than one occasion! At least they are behind closed doors, and not making particular roads "no go" areas after dark. I still can't get Phil Mitchels face out of my head. Apparently those big cream bushy pampass grasses growing in your garden means you are a 'swinger'. My neighbours just opposite have one...

Darling Bumbalina, Huguenot is clearly quite the catch! Perhaps I should arrange to meet up with you in the manner of an older sister, in order to inform you all about men and their 'urges' - I would hate you to be sensitised so far from home. They really can be filthy beasts - if you get a good one! James' aunt Shiela lent me a book when we were engaged (just for a laugh) it was published in the 1920's and called something like "The hygiene of married life". It advised all grooms to bring their bride somewhere with a great view for the honeymoon - "in order to take the poor girls mind off nocturnal persuits!"

Wow Bumbalina! I didn't realise you were about to be married. How wonderful! What a wonderful location for a honeymoon too! Tell Huguenot to watch out in Singapore, James has told me a dreadful story about a work colleague and a chick boy in that exact location! Have you ever read Martha Stewart Weddings magazine? It is just fab. I have just passed the current issue on to a friend - otherwise I would scan you in a few pages and mail them to you. Promise me you will try to take a look at it before the big day? They sell it in Victoria in WH Smith.

Dear Huguenot, The most objectionable thing of all about 'Dogging' is that (I read in a copy of my father-in-laws Daily Mail) the guy who plays Phil Mitchel on Eastenders was caught in the act and is an avid fan! Imagine him climbing into your Volvo XC90 up off College Road one night, with love on his mind? OHMYGOD! It is enough to make anyone monogamous. Lets all draw the curtains and come away from the bay window, God only knows who is out there...

Dear Mr Huguenot, Please tell sweet Bumbalina that the only time to buy the cleansing milk and toner is in the January sales when Peter Jones and John Lewis counters sell 400 ml bottles for the same price as 250 ml bottles. 3 should last a year! Otherwise a trip to France is a must. Bumbalina is right to go crazy about it, it really Decleor is fab!

Dear Clare, I so envy you! Be sure to stock up on Aubade underwear and Decleor, and don't forget to bring your own soft toilet paper (Nouvelle Recycled of course - I got the tip on here actually, a complete revelation!) - that country is barbaric when it comes to facilities. Mother Superior, DM

Darling Mr Keef, A wimple is a nuns traditional head accessory, none of your namby pamby half hearted head scarfs. Mother Superior DM

Dear Clare, Yes it was me! My voice was breath taking don't you think? I like to consider myself to sound like a cross between Edith Piaf and Maria Callas. I couldn't find a thing to wear that was appropriate - Fr O'Connor said I should dress modestly - so I was looking for something from last years Prada investment pieces in my wardrobe - this years metalic linnen is just a little too eye catching - don't you think?. In the end I found a Joseph chocolate brown shift dress at the back of the wardrobe - but you could see my hair shirt sticking out above my low cut neck line. I hope no-one was offended. I found your empassioned plea to 'free Barnabus' particularly moving!

Dear Clare, I don't know about you, but my hair shirt is beginning to chaff!

Dear Dominatrix, I know it is dreadful! I cannot believe it myself that I am RC - it so goes against everything I believe, but I was Christened as a baby, and I hate to argue with my mother... she makes Ian Paisley look like Mr Blobbey. I can only put it down to the fact that today is a 'black fast' day, and that I have not had any alcohol or chocolate for almost 40 days, the excitement is killing me - I need sugar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On Sunday morning - all hell will let loose in my house - there will be corks popping and wall to wall chocolate (fair trade of course) - it is the thought of that - that is helping me to plough on. My husband says I have been scowling for the last 6 weeks... Have you any thoughts on Botox?

Dear Domitianus, I gleaned my opinion regarding your misogyny and religious intolerance from the opinions you have been expressing on another thread: Women only sessions at the Dulwich Leisure Centre pool, particularly towards those of the muslim faith. Perhaps you should read the opinions you have expressed there again? I have...

Dear Domitianus, Of course I am judgemental - I am a Roman Catholic married mother of two - it is my job to pass on to my children their cultural heritage of guilt and self denial. I am certainly not complacent;-). You however are intolerant of women, particularly those of different faiths to yours. Yes Domitianus you are so cosmopolitan and tolerant - when it comes to sexual deviance. DM

Dear Domitianus, indeed a prude I am and also - the first to admit it! I would rather be a prued than a pervert - any day of the week!

Yes they are indeed a lovely family!

Yes his Iranian wife with a south east London accent, and their lovely daughter.

No, he has gone a long time, but he did live there once. His wife is a local of East Dulwich I belive.

Now, now boys lets move on. Even witchcraft as a topic must be better than this! You can join Mr Domitianus in his special perverts thread if you must, Incitatus...

OHMYGOD. The poor cyclist. This is dreadful.

Dear Mr Chartwell, The inhabitants of Underhill Road I was referring to were Mr Hancock (the corner) and Ms L Barker (she owns two houses there I believe). DM