dulwichmum

Sweet Keef, Rugby is all very well and good, but I would probably break a nail, and have you seen the cost of a pair of white jeans? I thought if I sent Ana along to one of your sports outings, James and I would have the house to ourselves, and perhaps James could watch "The Bill" without distraction. Actually, perhaps I will come. Could we play checkers or backgammon? I really hate to mess up my hair. Myself and Polly Dorner must remain groomed at all times. I was hoping to be maid of honour? DM

I love the idea of asking Silvana Franco to give us cookery lessons - she is just so fab. Please lets ask Silvana??? Anyone else interested?

You know I can still recite every word from my many Jam albums, and even the entire Dare album by The Human League - but try to get me to recite my Shakespeare - no, that is long gone. I have just recited 'A Town Called Malice for James' - he looked horrified, so I thought - hey he wasn't a Mod - I forgive him. I then recited 'Love Action' by the Human league, and he opened a bottle of wine, and recited the words of 'Bat out of Hell'. God I am lucky I met him in the 90's - I would never have gone out with someone who was into Meat Loaf! At least new romantics washed their hair. DM

Dear Ant, You are a gentleman. And Mr Incitatus, when I consider how well Mr Winstone has aged as opposed to Phil Daniels who is now on Eastenders - well, I now know who I would have chosen with the gift of hindsight! Ray Winstone really is a dream boat... DM

Oh, you boys! I am blushing!

I would love to be Penelope Pitstop - in fact I am! DM

I shall send Ana along, she needs to spend more time out of my house. DM

I'm joking dear Nero! DM

OK, OK - I admit it, I am Batdog! I do not know who Karter is though. I didn't want to admit talking to myself, but my husband reads my private messages, and he knows what a flirt I am, so the best thing all around is if I flirt with myself... I know it is rather sad, but this way I get to keep my shoe allowance and no-one gets a punch on the nose! DM

Wasn't "tokaji" the name of that 1970's detective programme where the main character sucked a lollipop and had no hair? DM

Why Mr Batdog, you are here again!!! You don't fancy exercising your lovely doggy jaws on Mr Mikewbates leftovers do you? I can't even begin to tell you the dreadful things he has been implying about my past. Obviously he does not know that I am a christened Roman Catholic with a guilt complex the size of a small south American country. Why painting my toenails hot pink is about as outragous as I can manage! DM

You should be ashamed of yourself, and me a married lady!

Dear Mr Mikewbate, that is all very well and good, but I can assure you that Mr Batdog does not have a monthly subscription to Razzle! He is simply marvellous. You cannot tarnish him in my eyes, (sigh). DM

This is just dreadful. The poor family. DM

* (deleated for fear it would end up in the papers) DM

*

I love you guys, and no-one calls my Batdog evil and gets away with it! Shame on you Karter. I love Batdog and so does everyone else. DM X

Dear Jimbo, I just love a Indian food myself. There is a restaurant called Agni in Hammersmith, where the chef achieved a Michelin Star at his previous restaurant before moving there. They hold regular cookery classes and demonstrations on a Sunday afternoon, and they are just amazing (you can google them, if you have a problem PM me). The other thing which is quite worthwhile to do, is to get Kulwant to come to your home and cook for your dinner party. She does a full demonstration for your guests, and gives out super goody bags with spices and recipes, and Kulwant has been doing this locally for years. She has recently done a pilot cookery show for channel 4 I believe. PM me if you want her email address. I was in a bit of a rut last year - cooking wise, and I went to a lesson at Agni for summer barbecue food, it was amazing - a true eye opener. You would be amazed at how you can really make summer barbecue food special and not run of the mill. If I was you, I would try something completely different, something that really stretches you - something authentic and not like restaurant food. DM

Mr Mockney is indeed a gentle and kind individual. He does not enjoy exerting power over others. DM

Dear Mr Mikewbate, Shame on you for offering such a filth to me. I can feel another quote coming on - in the manner of my previous one concerning the boiling oil and the removal of children into care. Watch out South London London Press, I can come up with complete crackers at will... DM

OHMYGOD, I never noticed Paul Weller chewing gum while he sang that song in the video before, I havent seen that since I was about 17. They were sooo cool. He looks so very young there, and now he is grey. I can't even use youtube properly, all these newfangled gadgets. I am so bloody old!

Wow Bagpuss! I wish I could find stuff like that. Can anyone find Speak like a child? The Style Council??? That would make my day. DM

Thanks Mr Keef qietly, considers to self, I really am rather innocent!

Dear Mr Ivemet-Jimmy, Yes of course, I apologise. DM

Sweet Batdog, I am so pleased that you explained the meaning of that expression. Where were you on Friday dear heart? DM