dulwichmum

Yes, I agree with Spymum here, us mothers of Dulwich are particularly attractive. And Keef, your friend Tom is not bad himself!

OHMYGOD! I just read the article, and it reads as though I am completely seriously saying that these people should be boiled in oil! Ha, ha, ha! I wonder if they will put in a quote from me soon, mentioning how I intend to ship my current au pair home to Lithuania in a crate - have they no sense of humour? I mean, everyone knows that au pairs must pay for their own transportation home, if she chooses to travel by crate - who am I to argue? DM

I get clicks through most days of the week on my blog from the Forum from The Times. We will have to watch what we say then... not! DM

I see! He shall be having his bikini line waxed and everything then? DM

Yes sorry Mockney, I was hoping you would lounge this, so we could really get a conversation going! DM

Dear Madworld 74, Clearly! DM

No dear Ant, I believe she will be having a Brazilian! DM

Dear Karter, Are you in fact Mr Robinson?

For sure Professordingo, get blogging! Mr Mikewbate - how very unkind of you... and I considered you a friend too. Ana is just about to pack her bags and I was going to point her in your direction too - look how you repay me! DM

Well, now you said it Huguenot. The last group in London it is officially ok to consistantly make fun of!

Dear Madworld74, I asked the agency to send me a bearded overweight Ukranian, instead I received Miss Lithuania 2007! My life is in turmoil. I shall order a crate and sent her back forthwith! I had been warned that the fuller figured au pair can be expensive to keep due to her relationship with the larder, but I was prepared to take that chance! This willowey chick has even captured the heart of my Brazialian gardner!

Dear Buggie, I will probably be lounged for this, but I think I shall pay for her to have braces on her teeth too, the Crocs are not quite as ugly as I hoped... DM

Dear SimonM, You are dreadful! DM X

I was in there today in fact, with my babies and au pair for chocolate milk shakes and cappacino. We popped in following our trip to Stella B on North Cross Road, to buy the children and au pair some Crocs to wear while gadding about in the park this summer. Crocs are large functional plastic therapeutic looking shoes. I will make Ana look unattractive if it is the last thing I do! Now I simply have to convince her that a boiler suit is a good look, and I am sure my battle is nearly won! Yes I bought her an enormous chocolate milk shake too, and I gave her bread and butter pudding and ice cream tonight after supper. Were you the tall athletic looking short haired man serving the drinks? DM

Dear Mr Mockney, I am looking forward to sharing some raspberry shag... How kind! James will probably be spending the evening shadow boxing with his Wii.

Why of course darling? But I am not sure it would go with your jacket...

The most exotic thing in my garden? My new Brazilian gardner...

Dear Louisiana, I forgot of course Patek Philippe! I just love Patek Philippe... DM XXX

Oh, Ant et al! You are sooo describing my darling husband! Every single item in his wardrobe. By the way, a Rolex watch is currently considered 'old hat', it is Jaeger LeCoultre or Longines, clearly. The current car of choice is now an Aston Martin DB9. I would offer you all a lift tomorrow night, but I shall be leaving the car(s) at home as I shall be drinking Hurrah!

Hurrah! What wonderful news. It is easier to park up that end of LL too! I shall be first in the queue!

Pulls enormous duvet from handbag, and puts it over Bagpuss 78, fluffs up enormous pillow and places it under her head. Trots out of quiet room and into the cool evening air. All is well in East Dulwich...

Will anyone mind if I smoke my pipe? DM

I myself shall be coming straight from the building site up at Dog Kennel Hill, so I shall have my working boots on, a hard hat, a white soiled t-shirt and some nasty old overalls. You will spot me because of the hard skin on my hands and my hairy shoulders tufting though my shirt. The life of a bricky is not easy guys, so don't be too scathing. Yes I am retired, but this is cash in hand and the state pension is not what it was. DM

x

Looks around, smiles at chums. Stands up and has a nice stretch. Snaps off small piece of shell from Ants chocolate ovoid (with permission). Texts Ana to bring a fresh post of tea. Clears all cups and glasses to a tray. Walks to window and draws back heavy velvet cutains. Opens window, breathes in deeply. Thinks to self - all is well.