dulwichmum

Dear Mr Mikewbate, whatever he was, he has gone!

Watch out for the lovely window cleaner man, I found one recently, and he has scored the glass on my windows very badly - I don't know how he is doing it, and I am never home when he does it to explain the problem to him. I thought only diamonds would score glass! If he washes windows in Dulwich, he may be your window cleaner too!

Is there anyone from Underhill Road who is not on the forum?

Definitely not Mr Domitianus, this is afterall a Christian country!

Leaps from chair dressed in floaty 1950's dancing dress and high heelies. Trips the light fantastic in the manner of Ginger Rogers meets a dying swan and leaps into the pool to join Huguenot.

My dear Kathryn, What a wonderful idea! You could be Maria, and I could be a Nazi with a handlebar moustache!

Thanks Bagpuss, takes big drink of latte, and enjoys bone breaking hug from Mr Keef! Wonders if Mr Mockneys concoction would taste better with vodka? Looks around the room with happy feeling written all over face. Loves the company of friends!

My word Louisiana, You, me and Kathryn! We are like triplets!

Staggers into lounge wearing large pair of new Prada sunglasses. Head pounding - sits on stool of repentance, as broke Lenten fast yesterday. Opens handbag to look for small container of Andrews Liver Salts, instead finds 3 champagne bottles, a small doggies jacket and an old cabbage. Groans out loud as stool of repentance is very hard indeed. Longs for a latte

Louisiana darling, You clearly are not a fashion victim - but a trend setter! Well done for bagging your pair already! DM

Dear Kathryn, I checked out the sunglasses yesterday, and there is only one brand to buy this summer - Prada, not too blingtastic, terribly large, wonderfully tastefully, rather understated! Lets do it! Have you bought your wimple yet?

I shall count them this evening, if you like I can send you a PM just in case James reads this and realises that I hide some of them in the au pairs room! DM

This is a disgrace, but it is encouraged further by dreadful toy companies such as Matel, who to my horror have recently made a boy doll called Derek who comes complete with 12 pairs of shoes for Barbie (if she can manage to get them off him!). You are right Louisiana, you could not make this up! Derek the Royal Cobbler - yeah right! http://froogle.google.co.uk/froogle?q=Barbie+Derek+doll+with+shoes&hl=en&um=1&sa=X&oi=froogle&ct=title It is a disgrace. Parenting is a minefield. Its all filth!

I personally find it difficult not to answer the phone when out in the car, and for this reason I always insist that the Au Pair drives the car...

You dirty devil! You should be ashamed of yourself. I dread to think of the manner of decorating work you are capable of...

Pours champagne into Batdogs bowl and puts it on the floor...

Enters pool area with enormous bottle of champagne. Jumps about shaking it in a hedonistic manner. Fills up pint glass of champagne and hands to Mr Keef and all of chums. DM

Offers carrotcake to Bagpuss 78, wonders to self if Puss' hair is naturally that colour...

Writes short note to Mr Keef and passes it over - It will be just a few of us - (well me actually) here for a while then? Lucky Bar Stewards! DM

Dear Mr Mockney Piers, I just watched that video again, and it made me feel so good. Can I recommend that everyone on the forum watches it immediately? Thanks my lovely, DM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uREyczwk_k

I didn't, but a friend of mine saw the one of Sarah Ferguson being made, and apparently her face is so full of Botox it hardly moves anymore - which is a real shame as I always considered her to have a real natural fun type of beauty.

OHMYGOD!!! That was the noise I heard ringing in my ears when I told my mother I intended to marry 'a Protestant'! It has taken over seven years for the penny to drop - but I was wondering why that bloomin chuck was carrying on so much in the garden on what should have been anotherwise peaceful morning! Enters quiet room with enormous home made carrot cake. Takes enormous knife (Japanese folded steel Global) from bag, looks around for Mr Mikewbate, begins chopping. Wraps enormous piece of cake in some tin foil for Mr Keef to take to his lovely fiancee, and also puts a big piece on a plate for him by his favourite chair. Cuts slices for Mr CrystalClear, Mr Mockney Piers, Mr Huguenot, Mr Chartwell, Clare and Scruffy Mummy. Looks around to see if Kathryn is in the lounge. Wonders if she has given up cake for Lent... Puts slice of cake in a bowl by handbag, sits and waits for Mr Batdog - as usual. Remembers Mr Batdogs affections are no longer forthcoming, slumps in aubergine velvet armchair and lies face down in large slice of carrot cake... Ana arrives carrying tray of Starbucks Latte.

Darling Clare, I shall be there too! Hair shirt in place, ever at the beck and call of the legendry Fr O'Connor. My mother is going to 7.30 am mass every morning during lent. I Live a hop and a skip from the garden centre you discuss, but sadly shall be at work - grateful to escape the mayhem that is parenting!

Please Clare, come over to my house. I am having last weeks Sunday supplement framed. You should get The Times, it is just the best!

I'm with you Scruffy Mummy, welcome to the forum.