dulwichmum

No, and I bet he is not even a dog either.

We were reading The Style Supplement of yesterday's Times, Take That were on the cover!

Arrives in the lounge avec Grande Latte. Sits down on directors chair, cashmere cardigen on shoulders 1950's style. Low level growling heard from handbag. Opens handbag, Mr Batdogs head pops out. Growls at Mr Keef, due to earlier misunderstanding with small puppy on Goose Green...

Can I use Mr Batdog then, I have him here in my bag afterall? He looks so cute against the blue cashmere...

Dear Mr Crystalclear - I thought you told me that Keef was represented as a puppy dog in this scene? I really need some more instruction, clearly! Keef darling, what colour of cashmere cardigan had you pictured? Where are the make-up people? If I don't get a latte soon I shall expire, I just know it... I really have no problem with the filming, but the damn standing about, and the endless retakes...

Mr Mikewbate, This is filth, filth I tell you. I am sure you can get some kind of cognitive behavioural therapy for that kind of pre-occupation of yours!

DM pops darling Keef into her enormous handbag having first kissed him on the nose and wrapped the sweet baby in her baby blue cashmere cardigan. Stands up and walks back up Lordship Lane in search of an appropriate coffee boutique. Stops to admire the reflection of her white jeans in the window of the East Dulwich Deli. Pops Ipod earphones in ears and begins to sing along to Take That track...

The delightful Mrs Eclair lives in the trendy award winning house just over Dog Kennel Hill as you drive towards Camberwell on your left hand side. Her fab architect type husband is resonsible for the design, and they won an amazing award over the Scottish Parliament building - the design is amazing. I love her bathroom...

Dear Mumra, Thank you so much for that! You have made my weekend, or my month - and it has only just began. I was beginning to think of starting up some kind of public campaign to bring Starbucks back to Saino's as some kind of public serice. We get damn little else for our tax payers money. I shall pop in during the week to check the plan for myself and to buy a small bunch of coriander or some lemongrass!

Thanks for that boys! I was all ready to make my entrance...

OHMYGOD!!! Is that really you Louisiana? Naturally blonde hair... It must save you a fortune!

Please, please now, have we not all spent some time inside The Garrick Club? Really - Ladies! Beanbags? Shhhh...

Dear Dream_saturdaygirl, Now Wellingtons - just try to make them trendy! It will never happen. Really, to replace ones Uggs or not, now there is a real debate, surely desserving of a thread in itself! You see I think that whole Kate Moss thing is so pasee. She is just a tramp with a drugee boygfiend in tow! Do Uggs really look good or not? I think corporate tickets are in order, or really, only if Gary will be there. Have you seen the cover of The Style Supplement this Sunday? OHMYGOD!!!! No fun ever, with only a chemical toilet??? - am I showing my age? No no, thrice no

Dear Mr Bob, Have they announced who is playing there this year? I could only consider it if Gary Barlow was there in his rubber trousers. I love the video of Take That's current track, Gary looks so chunkey in his flat fronted trousers! He is such a cuddley guy, and a super dad. And even if Gary was there, it would have to be dry weather - mud free, and a flushing toilet!

Was she (Linda Davidson) in Holby City recently?

The Berkley for the Fashionistas High Tea, it is to die for darling!

If that is motivation for your teenager to leave home, it may indeed be a good thing. My neighbours teenager has not gotten out of bed since leaving Dulwich College last summer. He will not even open the front door to the dog walker. Teenagers of today, they get too much if you ask me! How old does Max have to be before I can get him a paper round or send him up a chimney?

Darling Mr Keef, lets do it! I just bought a fabulous new dress in Jaeger on Regent Street, and had my spray tan topped up. I a sure I could sneakily take a lend of James' new dvd recorder thingey. We could have Mr Mikewbate trying to make off with Ana the au pair, and Mr Batdog could make an entrance in a wet shirt - in the manner of Sean Connery with a wet shirt, in that classic film Marnee! Most of all I love the scene where attractive men engage in fisticuffs over me. James is at work again today, but I made him bring Max with him today, just to ensure there is nothing else occupying his time... I am free until about 6pm. Is anyone else up for it?

Dear Bob, I would love to understand the matter to which you are referring... Have you been trying to buy tickets to the mud festival of the year? I do hope not. There is nothing that could possibly entice me along to listen to music in a venue that provided chemical toilets for its patrons! The music that young people listen to these days has no harmony or melody. But if Take That were playing, well, that would be an entirely different matter. Do they have a corporate entertaining area per chance?

Dear Clare, Mr Darcy (Batdog) was simply toying with me! I am undone...

Hurrah! As Kathryn pointed out - only one week to go! I wonder if Godiva does fair trade? I shall do a google search right now...

Oh Boys! You do make my day. I shall rummage in my drawers and find myself a garter!

I almost choked on my coffee when I read the mime myself, I think I have destroyed my keyboard, it is all dried now and icky...

Dear Kathryn, I shall be in the House of Fraser tomorrow, and I shall consider myself to be window shopping for the both of us!

Dear Geh, OHMYGOD! Would you recognise Mary off Eastenders after all this time? I suppose I could too if I thought about it. I wonder what her name was?