dulwichmum

Lovely Hyounan, Indeed "it only works if you believe in it" is recognised in mainstream medicine as "the placebo effect" I believe...

Lovely thoughtful Annasfield, well done! Good morning Keef - our favourite forumite.

OH MY GOD!!!

Hi Tinagwee, I haven't met you but you are very welcome. Are you on Facebook?

Indeed Mr Keef, the Irish are strange. But I have heard that they are warm and considerate lovers...

Thanks for that Alan, you have provided me with plenty to think about this evening. I do know however that he is not with Ana, as she is cleaning the drains as I type - using these enormous rods that we bought specially on the internet. Dynorod is terribly expensive you know, and sometimes you really need to make sure your passages are clean... Have you ever considered cross dressing yourself?

Not again? OHMYGOD!!! I shall shoot the pair of them - actually Alan -

I am enjoying the word "flounce" at the moment, and even the expressions "hey ho" and "hurrah." But then, only people who realise how bloody alien these phrases are to my natural vocabulary will realise why I am laughing out loud while typing this. I am a retired bricklayer from Penge afterall...

Rats! The Administrator just got home from work. Never mind, time to light up my pipe, crack open a bottle of Newcie Brown and watch Corrie. The Stock exchange has been up to all sorts today, James'll be home late tonight... I'll be able to open the window before he gets in.

I know Alan, and my husband is so busy working in Private Equity in the city, he still hasn't realised that I am in fact a chap!

Dear Mr Dale, Me! Dear Jeremy, there is Cheeky Monkey Toy Shop, Jo Partridge the hairdressers, a sports shop, an interior design shop (Mad Cow - original branch of Moo Too), Threshers wines, Eclipse super dress shop, Thatch and Co Estate Agents, Phase 8 dress shop, The Curtain Exchange, Dulwich Orthodontics, The Bakers, Tesco, Porcini - great little Italian, Gastronomia - super Italian Deli, super award winning Dulwich Books, Alleyn Park Garden Centre and a great big branch of The Dulwich Trader. I still just love East Dulwich - this is not a competition. East Dulwich is young and trendy, it is much sleepier over here - which is good too.

Smiles knowingly at Michael, and texts Ana to bring her butchers block,set of global knives and sausage making equipment... Whispers to Mr Papadopalot "Its for the best darling, can we use the meat to make chorizo do you think?" Pours large glass of Chablis - down Michaels neck... "There, there my lovely..."

OHMYGOD Ratty! It is soooo not Tulse Hill. How could you even suggest that? I must go and lie down... Alleyn Park, College Road (through the Toll gate - clearly) and Alleyn Road are the choice place to live if you have stacks of cash. Our capacious homes are detached (very detached indeed), with at least 5 bedrooms and a separate garage with an upstairs flat - where the au pair lives! (have you noticed how pretty she is? She is not welcome in my home after she stacks the dishwasher and puts the children to bed...) All the homes are on plots of at least a half of an acre (ours is actually substantially bigger than this) and this enables us to have tennis courts and swimming pools and even peacocks strutting about (if it wasn't for the damned fox!) The benefits of living in such a home are various, you see if you need major excavation to construct a pool for example, or your tennis court needs resurfacing - the machinery cannot get through to the back of the house unless you are detached darling - that would be virtually impossible dans le village! The lead content in the air at the centre of the village is as bad as Camberwell Green, and there is never anywhere to park either! The roads are too narrow to accommodate capacious vehicles in the village. Our local train station - West Dulwich, goes straight into Victoria in eleven minutes (unlike North Dulwich - where is there to shop at London Bridge apart from Borough Market?) from Victoria, it is just one tube station to Sloane Square and the joys of The Kings Road etc! The train from West Dulwich goes directly to Blackfriars during the week and well - we are all married to city boys over here. Michael Winner himself says that Cafe Rouge is the middle class version of The Harvester, and Majestic Wines is on my doorstep darling! They deliver by the crate. I love East Dulwich, I lived there for a very long time, and could never be convinced to move too far away. I consider myself to be an exotic bird (like a huge brightly coloured parrot) trapped in a luxury gilded cage. Our supermaret of choice is Ocado by the way.

Perfect Wee Quinnie, have you spotted the hunky guys in there? They really are amazingly helpful. One of them carried my wine to my house personally. He had hands as big as cauliflowers and no neck! What a hunk. He looked just like Ray Winstone... Super Scor46, I know, Isn't it just fab? I think that is the best point!!! Sean and Mockney and Keef live there. And I can sneak a membership of the EDF because I am just next door! Lovely Spencer, I shall go and sample the Ravioli at my first opportunity, probably Tuesday.

Wow, Ladygooner! Thanks for that, we shall be off to see The Jungle Book asap.

Go on then Macroban, I am waiting...

This is true, but I love the East Dulwich Forum and would be a forumite here in preference even if there was a West Dulwich Forum.

Dear Macroban, What is wrong with West Dulwich?

Gosh Mr Huguenot, you really are a commanding yet deep sensitive sort, despite your aloof manly exterior. How terribly attractive! *Places brick in handbag* Yes indeed Mr Cloak, I have something I would like to give you too...

Please forgive me Ondine, what is The Scoop?

Dear Mr "The Cloak", How very dare you? Why don't you and your "missus" clear off. If you offend one of us, you offend all of us. Keef is one of the best forumites, balanced with a great sense of humour. A real friend. What are you like?

Stands up and taps loudly on coffee table with long manicured finger nail. Addresses assembeld group "Shhh now boys and girls, we shall have silence or I shall slap bottoms"...

Rushes back into room, pulls Madworld74 onto knee. Takes tissues from bag, sighs and whispers; "Oh darling, I really don't know how to say this, Limericks and reconciliation are not my Forte, and you did take the Lords name in vein now, didn't you sweetie? Here now, have these raisins and the rice cake too, and go back in there and say DM sent you. Dry your eyes lovely girl, and play nicely now..."

Wakes up startled. Looks around and immediately rushes to assist Madworld74... "What did he say? What did he say? - I shall get fired if I get caught on the net, I shall check the situation out and revenge shall be ours. I have all manner of tactics up my sleeve." Rushes from room.

Thanks Asset graciously, accepts bottle of bolly. Removes straw. Slugs alcohol straight from the bottle...