Captain Scarlet

Ridgley Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Theresa May has banned demonstrations in Tower > Hamlets, Newham, Waltham Forest, Islington and > Hackney, and has now outlawed similar marches in > the City of London. > I understand the reason why she did ban the EDF > from marching as she fears there will be trouble. > > I am no fan of EDFL but I feel once you go down > that slippery road of banning marches for 30 days > how long will it be before you banned marches for > 90 or indefinitely. That is one of our basic > democratic rights to do so if we are not happy > with government policies etc??.. Thought she was a Model showing her tits off in page 3?

Little Johnny's neighbour's had a new baby boy. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital Johnny's family was invited over to see the new arrival. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word 'ears' he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby." The mother replied: "Why, thank you, Little Johnny." Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see OK?" "Yes", the mother replied. "We are so thankful; the doctor said he will have 20/20 vision." "That's great," said Little Johnny, "coz he'll be f_cked if he ever needs glasses!"

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself: ?I'm going to take that.?

The Bathtub Test During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine Whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?" "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a Teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket Because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you Want a bed near the window?"

Superman is flying about one day straining his super senses to look for crime and those in trouble. The day seemed quiet so he decided to look in on the Justice League to see if they had anything to do. Flying over the roof he spotted Wonder Woman. Legs akimbo, pussy on show lying there on the roof. "I'm faster than a speeding bullet" he thought to himself "Surely I could fly down there, hit here with some super sex, cum and fly off before she even noticed". So like a blink of an eye he flew, fucked her a super speed quicker than the eye could see and was away. Wonder Women looked up when she heard the sonic boom of him leaving. "What the hell was that". "I haven't a clue luv" replied the Invisible Man "But my arse is bloody killing me".

An ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

Neville received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. Neville tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary. Finally, Neville was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Neville shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. Neville, in desperation, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed, then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, Neville quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Neville's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour." Neville was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird spoke, very softly............ "May I ask what the chicken did?"

Yes be carefull..lots of Aliens in East Dulwich...Beware! Dont be Anally probed!.

Electric gates I hope!

MrPoole Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > My argument is that I wanted a future, and I > worked for it. > > You don't need to go to university for that. Yep same as me..I worked hard to get to my position today I worked up the ladder..taking on crap jobs to build up my cv. these kids are lazy.....They want something for nothing!.

edresi10 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Lets all do what the Liberals want- lets throw > money at the situation because it makes us all > feel better. Not that the failed billions that > have been spent in the past years is anything to > go by. Or in fact shall we just give them all new > pairs of trainers, clothes, plasma screen tvs and > PS3's as they have been so hard done by by the > state- its a load of crap. > The majority of these looters arent interested in > education or getting decent jobs or moving up in > the world, they are just angry young kids who are > only interested in doing as little work as > possible and still getting paid to do it. This > country is seriously screwed up. > If you actually listen to them they dont know why > they are doing it, they are just sheep who are > angry, angry because here you are expected to work > if you want the nicer things in life, the > luxuries, but these people dont want to do that, > its to hard, but its alot easier to hang around in > gangs preying on the people that do work hard and > just taking what you want. Hell it seems a lot > easier than my life. I agree with you on this.

Can I come along?

Rupert Murdoch has said how touched he is by the messages left by family and friends on amy winehouses phone

London, Birmingham and Liverpool burn as hoodie scum rule the streets. The government are exposed as corrupt, fiddling their expenses and are split, scared and powerless to act. 'Europe' is on the verge of collapse and America spirals into uncontrolled debt. The police are exposed as trigger happy, ineffective and bent, taking cash off the lawless corrupt press, while leaving our city's to burn. The bankers screwed the economy with their greed but pay themselves millions in bonuses. And while the stock-market plummets, the petrol is gone and prices soar, they still spend billions on a pointless war thats killing hundreds of our own, resulting in the consolidation of the hatred of our enemies for generations to come. Unemployment is rising, the NHS is dying, and our planet, the earth, is teetering on the edge of a global climate meltdown that will kill billions....? Carlsberg don't do fuck ups...........

A woman and a man were involved in a car accident -- it was a bad one. Both of their cars were totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of them were hurt. After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, "So, you're a man -- that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are both unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends, and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man thoughtfully replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nodded his head in agreement, opened it, and drank half the bottle. He then handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle, and immediately put the cork back in, and handed it back to the man. In surprise, he asked, "Aren't you having any?" "No," the woman replied, "I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Reports are coming in of major looting going on in Glasgow after a jock was seen breaking into a fiver!

The awkward moment when the looters realise they have robbed vision express and should have gone to specsavers

primark has been looted. ?24 of damage was caused

Swinging or blind date club in Dulwich?....who's up for it then?.

My wife & I have a beautiful little girl who we named after my mom. In fact, Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 tomorrow...

Amy Winehouse's family have been told they cannot bring the ashes home as it would be possession of a Class A drug

When I was at school, people used to throw gold bars at me. I was a victim of bullion...

Q. What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? A. Wiped his ass.

Sean Connery was being interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that despite being 72 years of age he could still have sex 3 times a night. Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Cilla says, 'Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer. Lets go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun. So they went back to her place and got comfortable After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together. Afterwards, Sean says, 'If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma willie in your right hand'. Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says 'Okay'. He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before. Then Sean says, 'Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to.......' 'I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun'. Cilla complies with the routine. The results this time are absolutely mind blowing. Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla asks 'Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?' Sean replies, 'No, not at all Cilla, it's just that the last time I shlept with a scouser, the bitch stole ma wallet !'

The "F" Word - when is it acceptable? There are only a few times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows: 1. "What the f... do you mean, we're sinking?" Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912 2. "What the f... was that?" Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 3. "Where did all those f...ing Indians come from?" Custer, 1877 4. "Any f...ing idiot could understand that." Einstein, 1938 5. "How the f... did you work that out?" Pythagoras, 126 BC 6. "You want WHAT on the f...ing ceiling?" Michelangelo, 1566 7. "Where the f...are we?" Amelia Earhart, 1937 8. "Scattered f...ing showers, my ARSE! Noah, 4314 BC 9. "Aw c'mon. Who the f... is going to find out?" Bill Clinton, 1998 10. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this f...ing mad." Saddam Hussein, 2003