Captain Scarlet

As a long term customer, I have to say that I am really enjoying watching these Halifax adverts where their staff pretend to run a radio station. It makes a welcome change from watching them pretend to run a fucking bank.

Two dwarfs go into a bar,where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their seperate hotel rooms. The first dwarf,however, is unable to get a stiffy. His depression is enhanced by the fact that from the next room he can hear cries of ''one, two, three....uuhhhh!''all night long. In the morning the second dwarf asks the first ''how did it go last night?''the first whispers back ''it was really embarassing I just couldn't get a hard on''.The second dwarf shook is head and said ''you think thats embarassing I couldn't even get on the bed!!''

I always thought little boys stick a straw up there bum and blow them up? [its on youtube!]

A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the testicles and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the testicles and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg." The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the testicles. The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you." The Scotsman smiled and said, "Ye can keep the damn egg!!"

Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet. Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat." Vet: "Is it a tom ?" Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi' us."

You need to make sure you update your I tunes when it informs you to do so..I download a lot of Podcasts myself and this normaly sorts the issue out.

How do you know when someone has a new Iphone? They tell you.

louisiana Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I'm fixated on theremins. Travelled to Brussels to > see one in action a few years back. > > Is there anyone with a theremin locally? Or indeed > an ondes martenot? > > I admit: I'm a bit of a music-tech junkie :-) I love the sound Of a theremin being played!...Midsomer murders theme is played by a Theremin I believe?.

Can I request that Scribe be played by Robbie Coltrane>:D

Lol..dont let me catch you with your crossbow in public.Is all I am going to say. you will be getting more then a ticket ol chap.

My son got kicked out of class today. The teacher asked him, "If I gave you ?20 and you paid ?5 to Joanne, ?5 to Jane and ?5 to Katie, what would you have?" Apparently, "Three blowjobs and enough left for a kebab," was the wrong answer.

Scribe Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > 1?/10, Corporal Scarlet. would you like me to post some hunting jokes for you Scribe?. Tut tut...Stalking now are we?....that was a joke!.

How did you know I wore a hat old chap? you must have seen me in uniform?. Are the pills kicking in yet?.

Lol...I thought there was something wrong with you!. Reverting to Cannibalism now.Hidden desires I suspect coming from you Scribe ol chap.

The Egyptian Government have devised a way to settle the unrest on the streets. Everyone has to get in a car, toot their horn and chill. . . . . . . . . . . sorry about this but . . . . . . . . . . . . it's called Toot and Calm Down said I was sorry. XX

lol...Thanks for the compliment.Ive not been called son for years lol thanks ol chap. keeping taking the pills. ps why not collect roadkill and cook that? to supplement your diet/income?.

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!! whos being insulting now. you should take a deep look at yourself...you are a offensive human being. Its Stupid of you to post your OP in a local community thread forum in the first place. As I also orignaly said."why post here and not on a hunting forum covering this area" You know full well you would get people objecting to your post..not everyone shares your view on hunting animals for fun as you have said thats what you like to do. there is a difference in hunting to provide food to survive and hunting just for sport and fun. You just dont like the fact that not all people share your view on hunting. I would also be very carefull who you insult on the board...you never know when you might bump into them in real life or what they do for a living.

Never thought of that..ill give that a try Scribe ol chap. Have you a lot of pent up anger? you can get help with that you know. Just trying to help you really buddy.

Lol...Your a funny guy Scribe. It must be true what I said....Do You feel a real man when your hunting your little bunnies with your cross bow kill head?.

Of course...did you?.....Did you torture small animals when you was a child?. Was you feeling unloved at some point in your life scribe?.

for info Source: Act 2003 Offence: Section 1 - (Sale): It is an offence for any person to sell or let on hire a crossbow or part there of to a person under the age of 18. Section 2 - (Purchase): It is an offence for any person under the age of 18 to buy or hire a crossbow or part there of. Section 3 - (Possession): It is an offence for any person under the age of 18 to have with him a crossbow which is capable of discharging a missile, or parts of a crossbow which together can be assembled to form a crossbow capable of discharging a missile. Hunting is illegal in the UK, it is also illegal to use broadhead bolts, you must only use target points. Be sensible when using and transporting, it is not illegal to own one but they should not be carried in public and only used on private land. Respect should be given at all times as it is a leathal weapon if used incorrectly. Be very careful where you shoot and ensure there is plenty of room beyond where you are aiming in case you miss.

Captain Scarlet, your misguided convictions render you impervious to logic. There really is no point in making you look even more stupid than you already are. Keep taking the tablets Scribe....you will get better one day. Mosley Hospital is only up the road. Are you a fat fooker by any chance? eating all that meat you brag about killing?. Mind it dont clog up your valves ol chum.

I had a friend, He couldn't stand his toes, so he cut them off, I couldn't stand it, I guess I'm lacktoes intolerant.

Totally agree the first series was really good...all the Vampires coming out of hiding because True Blood was avlaible for them to drink.Second series was pants I thought. You can always watch the Walking dead when it comes on Main tv channels ..now thats a good show if you like horror.

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhh lets carry on Scribe....your a goodddddd laff