Nero

I am sure there must be one in Purple Ronnie's repertoire.

Ahem, if it weren't for some grubby journo, you wouldn't be discussing this story right now.

* Thanks for that! It's like a pissed-up version of the ATV credits!

Why the word 'mom'? What a tool to use it. If he wanted to go the whole-American hog, he should've had said 'stroller moms'.

'Considerably more effcient' you say. Please don't let the new lagging mean that the temperature will be even more stifling. The pool doesn't need to be so warm, and neither does the ambient temperature. Could you find out whether there is a legal minimum, and if so, make sure they keep it to that temp, or if not, persuade them to keep it a degree on the cooler side. Sweating while in water is interesting, but ultimately uncomfortable!

I think you will find that the majority of people on here will let you know about stuff like vandalism, grafitti, riding bikes on pavements, parking problems etc. If you can do anything to clear up these problems, you'll be dong a good job. ED is safe although - naturally - crime does happen.

Smile coquettishly, approach them suggestively with a lowered head and a pouting mouth, then lunge for their balls with sharply-filed, strengthened nails whilst frothing at the mouth and screaming 'I'm gonna rip your cocks off and eat them'. Should do the trick.

* is not on drugs. He is high on life. To keep it on topic - something along Court Lane or off Eynella Road would be nice.

I think Joe C will lamp Bruno or Craig before long. Pansticked malevolence galore from him on Saturday night.

My nana, who is 89 in November, wants a very simple mobile phone, mainly to receive calls but sometimes to make them. She is not interested in texting or camera etc. If you have any ideas of which model would suffice, I'd be grateful. (I've seen those Big Button phones but they cost ?100, which I think is too dear.)

Hello, A large minority of drivers disregard red lights. Most disregard amber lights, speeding up rather than slowing down. I have told at least three of them that I witnessed their going through a red, but they all denied it. Buses are heavy, potentially lethal objects. Do your best to get the supervisors to tell the drivers that driving dangerously is wrong. I used buses on a daily basis, taking on average three a day.

A bloke stopped to tell me all about the burglaries as I was at my doorstep last night. He said his neighbours' gaff had been targeted, one of five dwellings in all.

Couldit be that they were taking pics of the environs because they are doing the paving stone along the road, and might want to have a record of what it was like, what the obstructions were etc?

Is the top of Goodrich meaning near Donkey Alley?

Bus fares are not that expensive anyway. He could push up the daily pass to ?4 and the weekly to ?15 and it would still be good value.

Hello * I think Worrall would be the worst option. He looks like he smells a bit.(#) Also, I can imagine strands of gammon sticking in between his teeth and flakes of egg yolk adhering to his beard, in a warped take on lamb's wool on a briar. Alround grubby, if you ahsk me. (#) My mate Peter's stepdad always used to say that Anthea Redfern looked like she would really pong of BO. He was quite adamant about it and would let his family know this often.

So, if you have a Zone1-2 on your Oystercard and you go to Zone3 and have a bit of cash on the prepay, the difference is automatically deducted? I never knew that. Also, can someone confirm that you get 1/3 of rail fares if you get an annual Travelcard. Ta.

I spoke to a very friendly, sane, red AND amber light-respecting bus driver early this morning on the 12, who told me that it was unlikely the bendies will be taken off his route for at least a couple of years. (This driver even stopped for the odd would-be passenger who was running up to his vehicle as others had just got on.)

Amy Lame or Vanessa Feltz? Nah, prob not. That woman who used to present Going Live with Andi Peters. She's good. Liza Tarbuck would be very good though. (I know I am repeating myself there)

Marc Riley or Mark Radcliffe Liza Tarbuck Paul O Grady Jeremy Vine (?) Evans is the obvious choice but I don't think he'll be that good. He's too manic and doesn't seem to have matured that much professionally.

Once again, the barriers at Peckham Rye were not operational. What is the point of having them installed at some expense, having (too many) staff at them when they are not on? It makes no sense. Also, do you have any remit over London Bridge platform 5 and 6? I was there this morning and it was very dirty, with cups and bags etc littering the platform. There were no bins and no staff clearing up. Not good.

Trying to be all zenly reformed after having faced a tragedy is difficult if not impossible. By attempting to count your blessings and be nice and kind and gentle at all times you'll just end up doing yourself an emotional injury. Don't expect that you'll keep those beatitudes in mind from now till you pass away yourself. It simply won't happen without superhuman effort and near-constant frustration. Be sad at the loss, think about life more, but don't try to turn yourself into a Dalai Lama/Joanna Lumley hybrid. (Blondes can't wear saffron.)

It's a link to a BBC presenter who forgets his punctuation and ends up sounding very silly. I posted a link to Facebook but realised that it wasn't 'open' to all. I will try to repost it properly.

See below

The Vicar of Frogley