HonaloochieB

It's a phrase we possibly use a great deal, and usually there is something a great deal worse that we could experience. Not the tragic things, hurricanes, explosions and suchlike but just much direr things than that which we're describing. So let's give each other a hand here on the EDF and help each other out with 'MAD' magazine style comebacks for anyone who informs us that 'There's nothing worse than...' So the next time a colleague tells you 'There's nothing worse than just missing a bus and having to wait 10 minutes for the next one' Inform him or her brightly that, actually, being mugged for your contraceptive sheath midway through sexual intercourse is considerably worse. And see how they like it. Come on, let's get a good compendium of counter phrases to twit those that would dog our conversational footsteps with cliche. I mean, there's nothing worse, is there?

You know when you begin a sentence with the phrase 'there's nothing worse than...' There inevitsbly is something worse.h

giggirl Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Shakira is fabulous - wish I could move like that. Whilst I don't presume to know you terribly well Giggi, I reckon your hips are about as truthful as they come. Seriously.

randombloke Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- Mick > Jones and Paul Simenon dressed up as Sailors would > surely make Joe Strummer turn in his grave. That's a little presumptuous RB, I doubt the late Joe Strummer would have been arsed and would have had them round his campfire. Though perhaps Mick might have given it a swerve so as to avoid his suit getting all smoked up, though I reckon Paul Simonon would have turned up and appreciated Joe spelling his name correctly on the invitation (if of course, invitation there was) and not how it turned out on the credits of The King Of Comedy. And that Martin Scorcose calls his self a director.

As a general point, I don't own a dog and doubt I will ever do. I'm more than capable of being flippant, sarcastic, irrelevant and dismissive, but I mostly try to not do it at the expense of others who have seemingly had a rotten experience such as AM. Please, a little humanity, a touch of empathy. Thanks.

katie1997 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > me - 17 years old, standing in front of bathroom > mirror at my mum's house, plastering on a > ridiculous amount of make-up. Foundation first. > > brother - 5 yrs old, watching intently...then he > innocently asks why I am putting on 'new skin'. > > A *little* bit older now and I am thinking 'if > only it were that easy' ;) > > PS. I persuaded him that my lip gloss was just > colourless lip balm. You gotta get your own back, > right? I remind him of it regularly. I just keep playing 'Perfect Skin' by Lloyd Cole & The Commotions, ss I read this. It seems so right.

RosieH Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > HonaloochieB Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > > It's a plum duff, it's ridiculous. Little Jack > > Horner 'stuck in his thumb' and furthermore, > > apparently, 'pulled out a plum'. > > That's just plain daft, a thumb is an opposable > > digit, and it's unlikely the thumb alone would > > have had the capability of plum-pulling. > > Thumb and forefinger? > > Now you're talking. > > Still... > > Oh Hona, don't be such a tard. The plum is > cooked, stoopid - so your thumb goes right in, and > then you can pull it out, like a thumbplum > lollypop. > > You clearly need Woof or someone to give you some > cooking lessons. Sorry RosieH, but a cooked plum just wouldn't attatch itself itself to a thumb in the way you describe. We scientists have proven so with our slipperiness theory of fruit. So there, as we in the scientific community usually put it. But lollypops? Now you're talking, even us white-coated lab-hounds need a break occasionally. Did you know that sugar-rush thing might not be true, by the way? Still, mine's a rhubarb and custard Chupa-Chup if you're asking.

Bryan Cocksedge Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > My best description of this shady fellow is of a > hairy legged younger Wilfred Bramble with what > looks like a tattooed ferret on his forearm. Oh, thank Richard Dawkins, for a while there I thought it was me. When I'm engrossed in my Linda Smith book on the 12, I can be up to all sorts without me knowing about them.

RosieH Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Had it been a gooseberry cobbler on the other > hand... Oh stop RosieH, would you honestly want a third uninvited person attempting to repair your footwear, while you were on a date? > Or a rhubarb fool... Or even worse, mumble in an actorly fashion, while trying to tell the King the truth, because of course he can't hear you, because you're mumbling. > Or a plum duff... It's a plum duff, it's ridiculous. Little Jack Horner 'stuck in his thumb' and furthermore, apparently, 'pulled out a plum'. That's just plain daft, a thumb is an opposable digit, and it's unlikely the thumb alone would have had the capability of plum-pulling. Thumb and forefinger? Now you're talking. Still...

KidKruger Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > My 4 year old girl while we were driving up to > Barbican family film club.. > > Dad ! > > Yep ? > > My brain's not working properly. > > Oh, that sounds pretty heavy baby. > > Yeah, I think it's gonna stop in a minute, it's > broken. > > What does it feel like, I mean HOW can you tell ? > > Well, I've gone blind Dad. > > *WANTS to concentrate on driving through Elephant > & Castle but looking around to check daughter > 'looks' OK* > Well, can you see anything, I mean can you see > Daddy ? > > Yeah but you're not real, Dad. > > OK.... can you see the road and cars ? > > Yeah. > > Well that's good sweetie, maybe you're not blind > just yet. > > Dad I think my brain's working again now. > > Excellent d arling because the film starts in 20 > minutes... Fine, fine stuff KK, I'm not sure whether you might want to offer it to Peep Show or Outnumbered. I could see it working some way in either. Anyway, you had me at 'Oh, that sounds pretty heavy, baby' Made my Friday night KK.

fruitytarts Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > pleeeeeaaaaaassssseeeeeee get a life. Got one Fru T. It's alright enough I suppose, but the lift I would get if I were close enough to a BT/Uncle Ben actor to give them a respectful pinch on the arse, would add to my day immeasurabley. I would think of it as me giving them an autograph, just for a change. Though I might well have to do some fancy talking, including a few ten bob words in order to extricate myself from what might turn out to be a bit of a confrontation. Especially with the BT bloke. I gather he's a bit 'tasty' post-lash. Or so I've heard. Any old how Fru T, don't know about you, but I'm gutmans about the Kelly Brooke situation. I reckon she should go back to Jason myself. But then I'm a sentimental old fluff.

The crumble was fine to my palate, but I gave the custard a miss, as I suspected vanilla extract instead of a proper pod like James Martin does on Saturday Kitchen.

I've found myself growing to like Poirot recently, and after years of detesting it I now cannot resist the carnage and cupcakes of Midsomer Murders.

Shot By Both Sides - Magazine

david_carnell Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > When did we become Readers' Digest? > > Or Take a Break? Now DC, what's wrong with Titbits, eh? Reveille too good for you? Get with the scene, Gene.

Bravehearted

On seeing his little friend's effort at Lego, my bricklaying friend's two and a half year old son Lionel asked "Who done that then"? He even tried to look incredulous and my mate swears his fingers were miming building a roll up. You can't buy moments like that.

Up And Down (Like A Bride's Nightie) - John Shuttleworth

Cat in a Hot Tin Bus Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > There was me minding my own business on the 185 > tonight, when a pretty girl got on at Pimlico and > sat almost opposite me > > When the person sitting directly opposite me got > off, she moved over. (I suspect to get the corner > seat and lean on the window rather then anything > else) > > She knows who she is, (if she doesn't she was > reading the third Millennium book - which you will > enjoy) > > The problem is I don't know who she is. > > Maybe next time you get on and sit opposite one of > us should say hello as I think you got off the bus > in the SE22 area, but I got off just before you. > > That is the problem with being a Cat in a Hot Tin > Bus, curiosity will get the better of me. > > Yours Mr Curious Cat. Oh dash it all to blazes CIAHTB, if I may address you so informally. Hang it! I intend to stand in front of the fireplace, haul up my slacks and talk to you like a Dutch uncle. By Jingo, you'll lsten too, ya young rip. Are you not familiar with the phrase 'Faint heart never won fair maid'? It was spoken by some brainy nib or other, whose name escapes me for the nonce. You must haunt the 185 until you spot your enamourata, then find a way of getting the seat next to her (these are details, your initiative will pay dividends here). As she is preparing to get leave the bus, take careful note of the page number of the book she is reading. As she places the bookmark and closes the tome, quickly snatch it from its place, waggle it in front of her and say 'I know your page, what say we discuss this further over a cocktail'? She may gasp at your boldness, but will at the same time be drawn by it. De-bus, and offer her your arm, you may wish to place the bookmark behind your ear, but I leave that to you entirely. To the nearest bar and the ordering of a brace of Gibsons should be the work of but moments. From here on, COAHTB you are on your own, busk it. Though phrases such as 'I yearn for you', 'I have a long felt want' and 'Crikey, when you tilt your head that way, you don't half look like Keren out of Bananarama' may do you some good. Anyway, bon chance.

And of course the 185 goes to Lewisham, and no matter how enamoured you might be, nothing's worth that journey. Or, perish forbid, CATFORD! Lewisham without the glamour, especially since The Catford Gun Company closed down. Perhaps you need to be saved from yourself.

Babylon

Oh, that Brendan, he's such a mischief, but what can you do with him? Rise - Public Image Ltd

WMTD, provides light relief, sometimes for himself, sometimes for the general public. If the groooming parlour The Gay Dog that used to be at the Rye end of Barry Road was still in business, I know he'd be a regular. It was next to a human grooming parlour named Renee Parisienne, was it not? And a Ronnie James Dio 'devil's head' salute to MrBen, what a thorough-going gent you are. Well done.

Sorry Brendan, crush notwithstanding that one can't count. Now try again, there's a good fellow.

Brain Damage - Brian Gamage & The Spikes