HonaloochieB

Many happy returns Karter. Now get yourself off to Kebab and Wine for a celebratory meal and piss-up.

JUED Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I was in the Thai Corner Cafe a few weeks ago and > noticed that they charge 50p for a glass of tap > water, understand that they have a right to charge > but 50p is bit steep. > > I think any restaurants that charge for tap water > should donate it to water charities like they do > at Banners in Crouch End. > > Think it's gone downhill as well, any other decent > local Thai restaurants other than Sema on LL? Did you buy a glass while you were in there? Or did you you just notice it? A few weeks ago? Took a little while to get riled up about it, perhaps? It happens. Banners, eh? Crouch End is it? I had an unfortunate experience in Crouch End, once. And coincidentally the drink that was thrown in my face may have contained some tap water. Uncanny.

tommyboy Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Ready For Love/After Lights - Mott The Hoople Of course the Mick Ralphs connection Tommy. I Need Your Love - Ian Hunter

karter Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > HonaloochieB Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > Hello and welcome CT. > > You obviously didn't get karter. > > I'll do my best to get a photo of him to you, > so > > that if he is ever in your ward you can do that > > whole > > > replacing-the-rectal-thermometer-with-a-daffodil-u > > > p-the-arse that they did to James > > Robertson-Justice in that film. > > What was it again? The Seventh Seal? > > Anyway I reckon there'd be 34 nurses in > Dulwich. > > Blimey, and all i said was Shish and Vino. You > harsh lot.:-S But think about it Karter, if you do end up in a hospital, and someone puts a daff up your bum, then you can sue CT, me and everyone else on this thread for incitement to horticulturalise a James Robertson-Justice lookalike. There must be some sort of law against it. Seriously, you made what I thought was a fairly, for want of a better word 'risque' post that in other circumstances wouldn't perhaps have excited as much attention. That it was made to a new 'un was perhaps why you got some flak, including from me, though it wasn't a personal attack on you, more of a welcome to CT, if that makes sense. Anyway you've withdrawn the 'offending' post which is noble of you. I think you and CT should do kissyface and make up.

Kilt

And then you might end up buying a 'Hairway To Steven'. A bright shiny shilling and a rogeish wink for the first forumite to reference the above. I've made a small personal bet with myself as to who it might be. But sorry to interrupt RS, I've not got a scooby about Jason. Though frankly, Plant could be a way to go. I'd team it with snakeskin cowboy boots, and a sheepskin. Just a thought.

Can't Get Enough Of Your Love - Bad Company

Geezer and Bird meet. Bird and Geezer fornicate. Geezer and Bird find Bird is pregnant. Bird and Geezer fall in love. Nine months later Bird 'stands for a chavvy'. It's a boy. Named Lionel. Lionel and his mother (Bird) stay at home. Geeezer goes to the pub, has moderate amount of alcohol. Goes home to Bird and Lionel. All three feel happy and fulfilled, and all the better for spending a little time apart. But they would, wouldn't they, what with being working class. It's parable of course, and the moral is, just because you can spend time together as a family in licenced premises, it doesn't mean you have to.

giggirl Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > It's going to go to his head and before we know it > he'll be the forum's official lounge lizard. Why bless you Giggi, you reference an Ian Hunter song. You'll always be special. HUGS.

Well of course, one's flattered and everything, but of course one doesn't seek this sort of attention. Not that one's not pleased by LuLu being in love with one, so sudden and so welcome. Most of all one is just so grateful not to be sharing a prison cell with TLS and Mick Mac. One likes living in a world where hearing one's farts is not considered a luxury.

Won't Get Fooled Again - The Who

Blouse

LuLu Too Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Dear Mr Local Hack > > I can assure you HB is not me. > Just how narcissistic would that be? > > LLT > > ps: I heard a rumour that there'll be a flash mob > at The Phoenix tonight - that'll make a good > story. Check it out! Thanks for putting Ted straight on that LuLu. And well done for being in love with me. I think you might have something there with the narcotics, he acts like a man 'blocked' on 'leapers'. So who knows. But a 'flash mob' in The Phoenix tonight? I don't think so. You want to mingle with a proper mob, tonight's our 'mohair suits and knuckleduster rings' night. Come down to the Bag O' Nails on Kingly Street, tell Sherman on the door you're with 'Heston' and you're in. I'll be the one in the midnight blue two-piece telling everyone in earshot that they're 'two bob ponces'. The large Tanquerays are on me.

Some Fools Mess - Gallon Drunk

Ted Max Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Now you've gone too far. YOU took over hte bored > with your chat about buses and Fearne COtton and > socks as if anyone cared and I done my best > becaose I beleive in local accoutnability. And now > you have accuesed me of being ont he take. Fisher > never gabve me anything. I spiked his retirement > story remember? And far from slipping me a > backhander the inflateable slide bloke sent some > lads looking for me when I rote about the dangers > of high winds at the FEstical and I had to hyde in > the Ladies till they'd gone. > > I come on a bored like this looking to publicise > the local conversationa and events, and peraps do > people a few favours as wel and this is the thanks > I get. My mate Tristran works on the Ham & High > and they don't get this kind of rubbish on their > boreds, I can tel you. He's had invites to the > local farmers' market and has become good friends > with teh Methodist minister's wife as well. > > Good lucj to you so called :"Forumutes" - all the > best. It seems you're not intereted in real > jounralists and communities after all. > > PS If you do have any good stories, though, keep > them coming through. > > PPS I'm knot going to Hawaie you poop, I was > saying you and Lulu are hte same person. Really > sad, inventing different persinalities on a tork > bored just to make yourseld look good. And just > cos TOny's got a gay uncle doesn;t mean he wears > skirts. LAters. Alright TM, you're NOT on the take. No bribes, no backhanders, no bungs, no drinks, no gratuities, no bunce, no little earners, no sweeteners and definitely no beak wetting. (Jesus, I never knew how hard it was to type while tapping the side of your nose and winking. Seriously, you try it). Anywway the way I heard it from Stacey, was that Fisher had already greased your palm and was so riled about the story getting spiked he sent his two daughters round to have a 'word' about the matter. They couldn't get there the first day as one of them had detention, but they sent you a note on a Barbie postit demending redress. As for Slidey Sean, she reckons that was all in your imagination about his blokes being after you, and in fact you had wnadered into the Ladies by mistake after the two pints of Guinness you had went to your head. Went to sleep on the pan, she reckons. I reckon you're a bit jealous of your mate Trist, all the farmers he can carry and a Methodist ministers missus to ministrate to him. Sweet. Aaah, I see now what you were getting at about LuLu, you think we are as one. Well have you ever seen us in the same room? Well have you? I may be consulting with my people on this matter. Be warned. I'll let you know if anything of note occurs. Chin chin.

Ted Max Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > PPPS You owes me a new microwave as well. Really > funny trck that one. I follwoed your instructions > as I rad them and by then it wos too late. That's the point Ted, at the Fat F*ck we keep a large number of microwaves and it's all part of the presentation. The microwave is brought to the table and the lights are all turned off for the maximum effect. We call it Three Hundred Quid A Pop. 'HB'

FYI I know all about the business with Jamie. Two words TM - FREE STAMPS! As for the hi-vis vest, that great I'll order one with KLF on the back and send the bill to you. As for the ankle tab, could we make it wrist one instead, less girly. I was wondering about your wanting to remain as a small-time local journo, but now all is clear. What local reporter can afford a Hawiian holiday? A local reporter who's getting 'bunged' of course. I expect Fisher and the inflatable slide bloke make sure you get a nice 'drink' for mentions in your articles. Good on you TM, I like to see a man 'wetting his beak', and I find tax-free bunce somehow spends better. Anyway when you come back, can you bring me a few grass skirts which I will distribute to my admirers. Make sure ones an XL for Tony London.

Let me deal with the fish fingers first TM, as I don't want you getting all fractious with the hunger. 1.Remove the fish fingers from the box. 2.Put tin foil on a plate. 3. Arrange the fingers around the plate in a recreation of Stonehenge. 4. Put the plate carefully in the oven and set the timer for 30 minutes. 4. Watch as the 'arcing' gives a lovely caramelised finish to the project. Remember you eat with your eyes as well as your mouth. 5. Go to Argos and get a new microwave. Enjoy 'HB'

Homework. Though I wouldn't go as far as David Bowie in his song 'Kooks'. "If the homework brings you down, then we'll throw it on the fire and take the car downtown" Irresponsible I call that.

Somebody Got Murdered - The Clash

Take

Ted Ted Ted, you've been got at by 'Stirring' Stacey. You're familiar with the phrase 'Hell hath hath no fury like a woman's corns' well Stacey's been playing with fire and got her fingers well and truly burnt. She couldn't stand the heat so she got out of the kitchen (probably Heston Blumenthal's). I don't wish to go into too much detail, as that of course would be bandying a woman's name, and I have a code in such matters, but suffice to say that Stacey would find it difficult to find a good word for me at the moment. Well actually that's not quite true, some of the words she directed at me were quite good and I'm saving them for the next time my dander is up. Things were good between me and 'Sweetcheeks', til she saw that thread about people being all in love with me and that and she went garrity. I tried to tell her that she was just going to have to learn to share me with the rest of the world, but she wouldn't have it and gave me an ultimatum, them or her. I tried to explain about the greater good and everything but she simply refused to see sense, selfish I call it. Any way the upshot was that I asked her for return of the Mott The Hoople keyring I had given her as a love token, then I got dressed and went home. I've probably breached the code a little, but I want to put you in the big picture. The last I saw of her, she was threatening to pull Lulu's hair out, then go round to Tony London Suburb's house and do him over with a brick. Which would make quite a story for you, when you think about it. As for the aliases TM, two words - tax purposes. I'll say no more. So you know Chris Martin's agent, send me his number, will you. Lorraine Kelly is a div though, I won't be swayed on that. As for Heston Blumenthal, I'm afraid your journalistic radar wasn't operating on full beam there. Look at the initials. Think about it. This is no way for a journalist to carry on, listening to Stacey and worrying about the Chief Sub, you won't get hard-bitten that way. If I was in the same room as you now I'd be grabbing hold of and roughing you up the way Don Corleone did to Johnny Fontaine in The Godfather. Just for your own good, you understand. Anyway I'm quite prepared to put your little outburst down to overwork. Consider yourself forgiven.

Ted Max Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Anyawy, look our for the the Brixton "End of > Times" story. I'm trying to get some comment from > the quantum physics boffins but I can't finds out > who their PR rep is, and the Bihsop of Sougthwak > is out on the piss, as usual!!11!. The Bish of South has unfortunately become a byword for unreliability TM. The last time I visited the Cath (edral, that is), the legend 'SOUTHY IS A CNT TRUE' had been spray painted found the nave by rival bishops. I found myself losing confidence and took my exorcism business elsewhere. As for quantum physics, go for that Heston Blumenthall, he seems to know quite a bit of science and he has lots of time on his hands, what with the waiting for the steaks he's put in the oven for 24 hours to finish and all. Probably be glad of a bit of work. I mean it's all bunce ain't it?

Oh, pack it in MM, I know you're just ribbing me. Snicker.

Ted Max Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > BTW, I'm really sorry about the green ink thing > earlier, Dave form features told me what it meant > and Iw as really corss. TOny teh news etidor can > be a real hard ass sometimes. > No apology necessary TM. I've been listening to Coldplay, and now it's all yellow. Which of course renders the 40 reams of 'Canary' paper I bought useless. It'd be reasonable to think, that a fellow in this circumstance could approach Chris Martin and ask him for a little financial help to offset the expense. But no. Far too high and mighty to reach down and assist the likes of me. Ex directory I kept getting told. How out of touch has the man got. And don't even bother asking about Paltrow.