Rhinestone Cowboy

many thanks to Mockney for sorting out the box at west ham yesterday, great seats nice food free beer and a result, think we were lucky with 2-0 go irons.

Arsenal 1 v Man City 0 Blackburn 4 v Tottenham 0 ( blackburn come out fighting ) Bolton 1 v Middlesbrough 1 Fulham 0 v Liverpool 1 ( pool on a roll ) Hull 0 v Portsmouth 3 Newcastle 1 v Chelsea 3 ( owen scores first then they fall apart ) West Brom 3 v Stoke 3 ( first game on motd) West Ham 2 v Sunderland 0 ( the view from the box is rather nice ) Everton 2 v Wigan 2 Man Utd 0 v Aston Villa 1 ( please let it be )

Went in last night for food n drink, having only been once before in the summer and sat outside could not really tell you much abut the referb. Food was very nice but slow service think they need another bar-person. Would return thou as good value/quality.

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter..' Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars' One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.' The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.' Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!' Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!

A man and his wife were doing yard work. The husband said to his wife, "Gee, honey, your butt is as wide as the BBQ grill." The wife ignores his remark. A little later, the husband, measuring tape in hand, walked over to his wife. While she was bending over to tend to her flower bed, he measured her back side. "Honey, your butt IS as wide as the grill!" She again ignores his remark. Later that night, while in bed, the husband began to feel amorous. He starts to hug her and stroke her until the wife said, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you're out of your mind!!"

Little Johnny had just come back to school from his summer break and the teacher was asking all of the kids to stand up and tell the class what they had done in their holidays. When it came to the turn of Johnny he stood up and told the teacher " Well M'am I went down the woods with my mates, found some frogs and stuck fireworks up their ARSES". Horrified, the teacher replied " You mean RECTUM". Johnny was surprised and paused for a moment "WRECKD'EM? fucking blew 'em to pieces!"

Seat in the box ?90 4th April count me in if spaces Irons

Barcelona 8 Spurs 0 Celtic 8 Spurs 0 Al Ahly Cairo 8 Spurs 0 Are my initial predictions for that tournament Now that is funny I have to clean my screen now having laughed so much thanks for making my day

Had some old trading buddies on the exchange floor when they last stormed in thinking they would be met with some larry lightweights, only to find the icf had moved from football terrace to the floor and gave them all a good kicking.

Six retired Irishmen are playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500.00 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, The other five continue playing standing up. Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?" They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion Is me middle name. Leave it to me." Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, "Your husband just lost $500.00, and is afraid to come Home." "Tell him to drop dead!", says Murphy's wife. "I'll go tell him." says Gallagher.

Sean O'Neil, out in his pasture in southern Kilkenny, takes a lightning-quick kick from a cow right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage to rise, he takes himself to the doctor. He said, 'Ow bad is it Doc? I'm goin' on me honeymoon next week and me fiance, Mary,is still a virgin. Her expectations will be ver' high. This is ver' embarrassing!' Doctor O'Flarty responded, 'I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight Sean. It should be OK next week. But you will have to leave it splinted right up until first intercourse.' The doctor took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together. Quite an impressive work of art and engineering. But Sean is beside himself. Sean mentions none of this to Mary, marries her, and they go on their honeymoon to Limerick. That night in the hotel room, Mary slowly open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said, 'You're da first, nobody has EVER seen deez before.' Sean immediately drops his pants and replies, 'Look at dis, Mary....still in DA CRATE!'

Blackburn 1 West Ham 2 ( chasing down 6th ) Fulham 1 Man Utd 1 ( Man Utd starting to lose it ) Newcastle 0 Arsenal 3 Portsmouth 0 Everton 0 ( zzzzzzzz ) Stoke 1 Middlesbrough 2 Tottenham 0 Chelsea 4 West Brom 0 Bolton 0 ( zzzzzzzzz ) Liverpool 2 Aston Villa 0 ( Pool on a roll ) Man City 3 Sunderland 0 Wigan 0 Hull 0 ( zzzzzzzzz )

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?!

Would be interested in the box at Upton Park, for ?200 I would prefer to see big game ( Man U Pool Chelsea ) let me know thanks MP

Popped in last night for pint n some food. Nice Tuna melt sarnie and pint Ipa nice,quick service and good price I will return.

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, 'It's Lent'. In tears, she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?'

great stuff this but they have "blacked out" some roads Maggie Thatcher is round the corner to me in chester sq but you cannot see her place nor the lonely copper standing outside in all weather, well either it's her or Roman that wanted to be blacked out.

A West Ham United fan and a Sheffield United fan get into a car accident, and it?s a bad one. Both cars (with football stickers on windows) are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the United fan says, ?So you?re a West Ham fan, that?s interesting. I?m a Sheffield United fan? Wow! Just look at our cars. There?s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.? The West Ham fan replied,?I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!? The West Ham fan continued, ?And look at this - here?s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whiskey didn?t break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune.? Then he hands the bottle to the Sheffield United fan. The Sheffield United fan nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then handing it back to the West Ham fan. The West Ham fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Sheffield United fan. The United fan asks, ?Aren?t you having any?? The West Ham fan replies, ?No. I think I will just wait for the police??

Apols but thought everyone and his brother had seen first season on here.

have to agree with Peter Luger's Brooklyn. Sawdust on the floor,Mafia guys on the corner looking out for who knows what, cash only no credit cards ( unless you are a made man and have a Peter Lugers card ) and melt in yr mouth steaks. Yumm

Started watching this after reading comments on here Fx channel Monday nights. Was very funny this week when they are in kitchen looking at bullet lines and say nothing apart from Mother F**ker or just F#*k 2 mins of per class made me smile all Tuesday just thinking about it. Glad I have 5 seasons to get through. Thanks for tip about this

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the C ircus was in town I'm going with male. ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I fini shed. ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Fifa has announced the countries bidding to host the World Cup in 2018. The nine-strong list includes England, Japan, Russia and United States. Each will also be in contention for the 2022 World Cup if a country from their continent is not successful in 2018. "The diversity and quality of the contenders will make this a very interesting selection process," Sepp Blatter, the Fifa president, said.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

I had this done a few years ago, one of those mad moments " I wonder what that is like " did it in holborn area all very nice and relaxed, the pipe is approx 5mm wide and goes in 3cm ( too much info but nice to know beforehand ) so they pump water in and you just relax and then it just kinda comes out. You do feel very full and want to push it out, do not do this it can get very messy. So after 15 mins of flushing around the nice lady comes in and lets you know what you have been eating and how you should chew ye food a bit more. 15 mins later on the scooter and feeling a bit flush. No side effects and felt somehow lighter? would not repeat as not sure why I did it in the first place. Colonic Irrigation tick