Rhinestone Cowboy

Cheese and a Cheese board.. Thats just food for everyone to eat.... hmmmmm

No traffic on the way to work today.. It was great instead of 25 mins it took me 15 on me 125cc ... Happy Holidays all.

HISS.....

Bret Easton Ellis - American Psycho Not for the faint of heart.

Which film won best Picture Oscar in 1970 -- Midnight Cowboy, Anne of the Thousand Days, Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid Hello Dolly or Z It was Midnight Cowboy but everyone will go for Butch Cassidy. Who has played guitar with Bobby Darin,Rick Nelson,Elvis,Frank Sinatra,Dean Martin The Beach Boys and The Monkees Glen Campbell Legend.

I've been walking these streets so long Singing the same old song I know every crack in these dirty sidewalks of Broadway Where hustle is the name of the game And nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain There's been a load of compromising On the road to my horizon But I'm gonna be where the lights are shining on me................

Chelsea vs Juve Ranrieriee going to smash you Lyon vs Barc Barc look very pleased with that Real Madrid vs Liverpool unlucky Pool you out Arsenal vs Roma hmmmm Inter vs Man utd nice to see that one

Champs league draw taking place.. its very exciting

Boys from the White Hart Lane. The Players Stories 1980's by Martin Cloake and Adam Powley pants.

Morgan Arms in E3 does a nice Sunday roast

Blackburn 1 Stoke 0 Bolton 0 Portsmouth 2 Fulham 2 Middlesbrough 2 Hull 0 Sunderland 0 West Ham 1 Aston Villa 0 Arsenal 2 Liverpool 1 Newcastle 4 Tottenham 0 West Brom 0 Man City 3 Everton 1 Chelsea 1

I found this beautiful winter poem and thought it might be a comfort to you. It was sent to me and it's very well written and I hope that you enjoy it too . ' WINTER ' By Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre Shit It's Cold The End

5 or six generations of West Ham born in Hackney/Bow 12 minutes to Upton Park. Season ticket holder in chicken run for many years. Now too poor to see every week although I do try. I think it does depend on who older brother/Dad/Uncle supports as its usually them that take you to first game and then you are hooked or maybe not if yr Sheffield Utd fan.

Don't think he supports West Ham if he is sticking up for Ince.

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

A Wee Scottish Tale. A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn. A Gamekeeper shouts, 'Dinnae drink tha waater! Et's foo ae coo's sheet an pish!' The man replies, 'My Good fellow, I'm from England . Could you repeat that in English for me.' The keeper replies, 'I said, use two hands - you spill less that way!!!

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his Bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, Your Son John PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card That's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home

WHY MEN DON'T WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS Dear Walter, I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbours daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbours daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore. Can you please help? Sincerely, Sheila ............................................................................................................... Dear Sheila: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. I hope this helps, Walter

CHURCH CONFESSION The preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.' No one moved. The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression. Again all was quiet. Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, 'Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.' The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

West Ham Fans "If you make alot of money selling biscuits buy our club"

SOME GREAT QUESTIONS BROUGHT TO YOU BY PETER KAY 1) Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed? 2) If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? 3) Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? 4) Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your bottom? 5) Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'? 6) Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside? 7) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? 8) Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date? 9) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat? 10) Is French kissing in France just called kissing? 11) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'? 12) What do people in China call their good quality plates? 14) What do you call male ballerinas? 15) Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

PETER KAY'S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS 1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones. 2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. 4) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. 5) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden. 6) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. 7) You never know where to look when eating a banana. 8) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses. 9) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity. 11) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. 12) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited. 13) Old ladies can eat more than you think. 14) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. 15) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan. 16) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with. 17) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Peter Kay One Liners 1) I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?' 2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. 3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. 4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder. 5) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. 6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals. 7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! >From there on it was sticks and stones all the way. 8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. 10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.' 11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat? 12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. 14) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living. 15) I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. 16) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before

West Ham 5-2 Spurs 12-1 to be relegated along with West Brom 1-5 think that would pay for another trip to St Lucia

SOCIALISM - You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor. COMMUNISM - You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM - You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM - You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATIC-ISM - You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. VENTURE CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. A FRENCH CORPORATION - You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION -You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION - You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION - You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION - You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION - Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION - You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. A SPANISH CORPORATION - "You have two cows. You set up a construction company, build 1,000 cow sheds, open a real state agency and advise your cows to buy 500 cow sheds each because after all, the price of cow sheds never goes down."