Rhinestone Cowboy

Arsenal 1 Manchester United 1 Wigan Athletic 0 Stoke City 0 Hull City 1 Bolton Wanderers 1 Sunderland 1 Portsmouth 2 West Ham 1 Everton 0 Liverpool 4 West Bromwich 0 Blackburn Rovers 1 Chelsea 2 Aston Villa 3 Middlesbrough 0 Manchester City 4 Tottenham Hotspur 0 Fulham 0 Newcastle United 2

Spurs have had 5 mins in dreamland time to knock them back and the pool just the team to do it.

Everton 2 Fulham 0 Chelsea 2 Sunderland 0 Manchester United 4 Hull City 0 Middlesbrough 1 West Ham 0 Portsmouth 1 Wigan Athletic 1 Stoke City 0 Arsenal 3 West Bromwich 1 Blackburn Rovers 2 Tottenham Hotspur 0 Liverpool 5 Bolton Wanderers 0 Manchester City 1 Newcastle United 1 Aston Villa 0

Glen Campbell No relation,no Cowboy boots and darn it no horse.

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want dont you?' 'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?' Paddy replies 'I dont know! Its your f***ing plane!!'

Everton 0 Man Utd 1 Sunderland 2 Newcastle 1 West Brom 0 Hull City 0 Blackburn 4 Middlesbrough 0 Chelsea 3 Liverpool 0 Man City 5 Stoke City 1 Tottenham 0 Bolton 4 Wigan 1 Aston Villa 2 West Ham 0 Arsenal 4 Portsmouth 3 Fulham 1

Some very talented people out there. Good luck tonight turning point and all that.

Forgive me, I know no other Spurs fan .. What comes around and all that. Plus I have about 10 gooner mates hence the jokes keep flowing.

"The Day that Tottenham Died" To the tune of American Pie A long, long time ago, I can still remember, How the Carling Cup win made them smile, And they knew this could be their chance, To finally make that big advance, And maybe, break the top 4 for a while. But transfer windows made them shiver, As Robbie Keane went off to Liver..... Pool, and Berbs to Man U, You can't believe it can you? Tears of laughter we all cried, As on Bent they have to rely, And Frasier Campbell really tried, The Day That Tottenham Died ! So my my kiss UEFA goodbye, When Comoli sold the Goalie, Well it made Levy cry, When you play for Spurs you kiss Capello goodbye, Soon your gonna be a Magpie, I bet you wish you were a Magpie. Did your players eat the poisoned food, To let Arsenal in and spoil your mood, If the fansite tells you so, Do you believe in Chas n Dave, Can their music save you from an early grave, And can Dawson teach me how to run real slow, Well, I knew you were set for a let down, When the Spaniard signed the Blackburn clown, You sacked poor Martin Jol, And now everyone just laughs out loud, I have long been laughing at your lack of luck, Your delusion means I couldn't give a f*ck, That to the table bottom you are stuck, The day the Tottenham died, I started singing........ So my my kiss UEFA goodbye, When Comoli sold the goalie, Well it made Levy cry, When you play for Spurs you kiss Capello goodbye, Soon your gonna be a Magpie, I bet you wish you were a Magpie

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 knots. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 20 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that s**t?' I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I've stopped fishing.

West Ham 1 Arsenal 0 reserves won last night.. Hope springs and all that....

Portsmouth's foreign players will be sent to language school to aid communication with boss Harry Redknapp. The South Coast club are organising lessons for 16 players in nearby Southsea after it emerged that they were often left baffled by East Londoner Redknapp's orders in training and from the touchline...

So happy that West Ham playing Arsenal this w/e I can see 5-0 and not in our favour.

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun. He shouts "This is a raid - everyone get on the floor!", and proceeds to empty the cash drawers. As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts "Did anybody else here see my face?". The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also. "Did anybody else see my face?" He shouts again, waving his gun around. There is a silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner. "I think my wife caught a glimpse..."

Glen Campbell I mean what has he done lately.

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad News, the donkey died.' Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said You can't raffle off a dead donkey!' Chuck said, 'Sure I can Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.' A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?' Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.' Chuck now works for Goldman Sachs.

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER -- What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @$240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

You have to wait until you are above us!

Need a Pension?... Are you worried about the future? Let's face it, we're not getting any younger and we all have to think about our lavish lifestyles, after our careers are over. Are you over 33? Are you well past your best? Are you looking for an easy life? Yes? Then You Are Eligible For the Spurs Life Plan!! Spurs pay you ?30,000 a week, there's a pointless medical, and no sales person will call (well you might get a shot in the private plane). CALL NOW! There's a FREE house, luxury car and limitless golf at some of England's finest courses. Don't take our word for it, read these recommendations by some of our satisfied clients; "When I'm no longer playing, I know my family will be financially secure" Darren B , London. "I recommend the Spurs Life Plan to all my family" G Bale , London. "The Spurs plan supplemented my pension, just when I thought it was too late" E Davids, Holland "The generosity of the Spurs plan is unmatched in the world of pension finance. It was the best move we ever made" Jamie and Louise, Essex. "Even when everyone said I was too old, Spurs were prepared to supplement my pension with an outrageous offer" Teddy , Chingford . "Despite being permanently injured, I was still eligible for the Life Plan -year after year" D Anderton, Bournemouth . "Tottingham is for me doing it" Ossie, Swindon. So don't sit there worrying about the future-RELAX-That phone will ring!! Spurs life plan is regulated by D Levy and his pals at the bank, and is funded by the 30,000 who have invested in the "THFC Season Ticket" pyramid scam over the last 10 years

Or maybe not... Just West Ham I looked on at the Icf back in the day and thought blimey that's a bit rough. Sorry for all the jokes but I do not know any Spurs fans.. It will come back to haunt me when we are fined ?30 mio and end up in the Ryman Premier....

West Ham Under 5ives Icf

EVENING STANDARD - London: Seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a London courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to Tottenham Hotspur Football Club whom the boy firmly believes are incapable of beating anyone

1st Eskimo: Where did your mother come from? 2nd Eskimo: Alaska 1st Eskimo: Don't bother, I'll ask her myself!

A man has been found in the river Thames this morning wearing a Tottenham shirt,womens knickers,fishnet stockings a blow up doll on the end of his .... and a ..... stuck up his bottom. Police have removed the shirt to save the family any embarrassment.