Jah Lush

I was being generous. He really is crap isn't he. This from the Mirror's Oliver Holt - STUPIDITY in a football club owner should never be a surprise but Mike Ashley's sacking of Chris Hughton has raised the imbecility bar to new heights. Let's get this straight: Hughton gets the club promoted last season despite little investment from the owner; somehow he manages to mould a combustible headstrong set of players into a formidable unit again; he organises them into a side that exceeds expectations in the Premier League this season; thrashes Sunderland; wins away at Arsenal and gets the best out of Andy Carroll to the point where he is drafted into the full England side. And for this Hughton gets the bullet. Madness. No other word for it.

That shows a distinct lack of ambition from the directors at Newcastle United. Alan Pardew hasn't exactly covered himself in glory when it comes to managing football clubs. How is he any better than Chris Hughton? I predict a short tenancy. He'll be sacked within ten months.

For how many passengers?

A journalist rings Lib Dem Head Office and asks for a copy of their manifesto. "Sorry, we've completely sold out," comes the reply. "I know that," says the journalist, "but can I have a copy of your manifesto?"

Yes, I suspect a lot of the people on this forum were very young or not even born at the time. Obviously you were still a baby.

John Lennon was shot dead 30 years ago today. Where were you when you first heard the news? I was in the back of taxi coming home in the early hours after a very late night out uptown. As I settled into my seat the cabbie said "have you heard the news? John Lennon's been shot dead." He had the radio on and we couldn't believe what we were hearing. At the time I'd just moved into a flat in Townley Road and I had to get up a few hours later to go to work and I heard it again on the radio when the alarm woke me up and it was only then through the alcoholic fog in my brain that it started to sink in because they were playing his records non-stop.

Newcastle To Replace Hughton With Copy Of 1972 Magpie Annual.

No. But wait. It could be. ----------------------------------- This little lad is peddling down the street on his bike in Belfast when he gets hit by a car doing about 60 miles an hour An old woman rushes over to him and sees that he`s really badly injured. "An ambulance is on its way my son." She says " Do you want me to call for a priest?" "No thanks Ma'am." Says the little boy, "Sex is the last thing on my mind right now!"

Err.. that's hardly a joke is it? Where's the punchline? I fail to see what's so funny about someone being run over and killed.

The Defective Parrot. A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?' The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.' 'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me. !' 'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird' 'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?' 'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook. You can't see it, because of my feathers.' 'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?' 'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.' The guy looks at the ?200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.' 'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for ?20, just make the guy an offer.!' The guy offers ?20, and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.' 'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy. 'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.' 'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?' 'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot. 'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?' 'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.' Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?' 'DUNNO? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch!'

The 12-Step programme. Rehab's for quitters.

He should sue the shit out of them for unfair dismissal.

That's an absolute disgrace. But no surprise. Comedy Club indeed. I hope they've shot themselves in the foot again and get relegated now.

Filippo Inzaghi was definitely born offside.

Or inverted snobbery: - the idea that everything typical of the higher social classes is bad and everything typical of the working class is good.

That really takes the biscuit in belt tightening. A step too far I think.

It taught me to be streetwise and not much else. Mind you the last two years I hardly ever went. Eventually I walked out and told them to stick it up their arse and never went back.

Take A Chance On Me.

kpc Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Decent game at St Andrews. Draw a fair result. > Straight question. Does Defoe always fall over > that much? No, but he was born offside.

I went to Tulse Hill as well Santerme. It was a shit hole.

Brucie. Mr Saturday Night. It's like he's been there forever presiding over an endless array of crap.

Why not just call this thread The Restaurant Review? That way it can run and run. A review isn't just for Christmas.

Mick Mac Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Why do people state this as some sort of badge of > honour... It's all the rage at the moment since it was mentioned in a disparaging way that Cheryl Cole was brought up on one on Shit-Factor and she quite rightly defended herself. Awww..... bless the racist toilet attendant beating little nations favourite.

FIFA has just opened a can of worms. I suspect the British media will really go to town on them now. Russia, a country more corrupt than Nigeria whose supporters (not all of them obviously) are racist and homophobic. Qatar, a country that has never even qualified for the World Cup where women need permission from their husbands to leave the house and homosexuality is punishable by death. Another thing they have in common is they are both oil rich states... Money talks. Sending Lord Snooty and Prince Charming wasn't such a good idea either. Rant over.

I met a 14-year-old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?