Jah Lush

The Defective Parrot. A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?' The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.' 'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me. !' 'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird' 'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?' 'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook. You can't see it, because of my feathers.' 'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?' 'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.' The guy looks at the ?200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.' 'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for ?20, just make the guy an offer.!' The guy offers ?20, and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.' 'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy. 'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.' 'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?' 'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot. 'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?' 'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.' Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?' 'DUNNO? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch!'

The 12-Step programme. Rehab's for quitters.

He should sue the shit out of them for unfair dismissal.

That's an absolute disgrace. But no surprise. Comedy Club indeed. I hope they've shot themselves in the foot again and get relegated now.

Filippo Inzaghi was definitely born offside.

Or inverted snobbery: - the idea that everything typical of the higher social classes is bad and everything typical of the working class is good.

That really takes the biscuit in belt tightening. A step too far I think.

It taught me to be streetwise and not much else. Mind you the last two years I hardly ever went. Eventually I walked out and told them to stick it up their arse and never went back.

Take A Chance On Me.

kpc Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Decent game at St Andrews. Draw a fair result. > Straight question. Does Defoe always fall over > that much? No, but he was born offside.

I went to Tulse Hill as well Santerme. It was a shit hole.

Brucie. Mr Saturday Night. It's like he's been there forever presiding over an endless array of crap.

Why not just call this thread The Restaurant Review? That way it can run and run. A review isn't just for Christmas.

Mick Mac Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Why do people state this as some sort of badge of > honour... It's all the rage at the moment since it was mentioned in a disparaging way that Cheryl Cole was brought up on one on Shit-Factor and she quite rightly defended herself. Awww..... bless the racist toilet attendant beating little nations favourite.

FIFA has just opened a can of worms. I suspect the British media will really go to town on them now. Russia, a country more corrupt than Nigeria whose supporters (not all of them obviously) are racist and homophobic. Qatar, a country that has never even qualified for the World Cup where women need permission from their husbands to leave the house and homosexuality is punishable by death. Another thing they have in common is they are both oil rich states... Money talks. Sending Lord Snooty and Prince Charming wasn't such a good idea either. Rant over.

I met a 14-year-old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?

SeanMacGabhann Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Can someone explain to me what is so wrong about > spreading football to non-footballing countries? It's a spectator sport. You'd hope some turn up, those who have paid for their tickets legally through the proper channels and not those given freebies from FIFA. > > Apart from anything else qatar is now going to > come under international scrutiny about their > human rights record. Expect to see improvements > there. Yes let's hope so.

They'll have to build them first.

Qatar? What a great footballing nation that is. How the fuck will anybody be able to play football in the height of summer over there in 50 degree plus heat beggars belief. Fecking ridiculous.

You can only get booze in five start hotels in Qatar.

Qatar can afford the big bungs. All those FIFA officials can retire now with their pockets more lined than ever.

Fecking disgraceful. One big bung festival. Russia and Qatar. What great footballing nations. Utter shite!

Seems to have vanished but hope this helps. Beauberry House Restaurant

Hmmmm... you deliberately called it soccer didn't you? Just to wind us footy fans up. I know your game Mr P.

Err... yeah sorry about that.