Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Some top tips that I've picked up:

1) Enjoy the organising, it's shouldn't be that hard and can be good fun.

2) Bride magazines will give you some ideas but generally they're full of shit and people trying to sell you shit, at a marked-up wedding price.

3) Spreadsheets can be your friend; guest lists, RSVP, who's eating what, music you like etc

4) Pay suppliers in cash, they like that.

5) Some things won't be perfect, but you know that, so don't stress if they're not quite right

6) Have a great photographer, it'll help with the memories. And/or ask guests to take photos.

7) The two of you are in charge, don't let others run it/ruin it unless you want them to.

8) Make your wedding last a few days if you can, you get to see and chat to everyone. Doing abroad helps with that.

9) Just invite your friends and close family. You can't invite everyone to a wedding and everyone knows that.

10) Tell you best man/bridesmaid to pull you aside every couple of hours and say "take a step back, look at this, this is your day"

On the first go I said...


"Lets go off & get married on an empty beach, just me & you, waves lapping around our feet"


I actually got ...


Big church

120 in the pews

Many more at the big cake reception

Divorced soon after


This time I've avoided all of the above

Have two children

House

A life..



Bingo, I love ( other peoples ) weddings now



W**F

We had a big, semi-informal wedding four years ago(Mr Smiler and my Mum both wanted this, I was up for a small thing, but gave in after many arguments/fraught discussions) and regret it (the wedding, not getting married, I love being married, honest!)(hope neither of them reads this - argh!).


The months leading up to the wedding were stressful due to organisation / differences / family issues (e.g. people who didn't get on, exes, etc. etc.). Have never argued so much with Mr Smiler before or since! Put on weight through comfort eating and the dress was too tight and gave me bruises!


Felt really exposed and on edge the whole time on the day. There were people there (e.g. friends' partners, random family) that I didn't know well or even recognise, and was anxious about what people thought / were having a good time etc. etc. and, apart from wearing the pretty dress, the flowers and the civil ceremony (which was lovely), didn't enjoy it much. It also cost a lot of money and would rather have had the cash!


Feels good to vent about this as it isn't really acceptable to say you didn't enjoy the wedding, and have only been honest with a few close mates about it! But I know several other people - including those who had big and small dos - who say the same privately.


Re. friends being unable to come, just 'cos they can't come for what seems to you to be a poor reason doesn't mean they're not a friend: everyone has their own lives / problems and you may not know the whole story. People also have really weird attitudes about weddings and what one "should do".


As others have said, please do what's right for you, hope you enjoy it when the time comes!

We had a thoroughly enjoyable wedding. The trick was adopting the following strategy. She planned, I agreed and did whatever I was asked.


I also made the point that came up earlier about not inviting the family drunk but she said if I didn?t pitch up she would castrate me.

Smiler, that's so sad, I'm really sorry you didn't enjoy your day.


I had a biggish white wedding and loved every minute; it really was one of the happiest days of my life.

I enjoyed the planning and the build-up, there were stressful moments, obviously, but for the most part I loved it and missed it when it was over and I love looking back at the pictures.


So, obviously, I don't think that big weddings have to be stressful and awful, but I think you either are a big wedding person or you're not. If the very thought of a big wedding leaves you cold, it's probably not for you, so don't do it. As everyone else has said, do whatever feels like the right thing for the two of you. In the end all that matters is that you start the day not married and end the day married to the man you love, whether that's in front of 2 witnesses or everyone you know, or anything in between, is up to you.


Good luck.

Annaj I think you're right...you're either a big wedding person or you're not. I actually like other people's big weddings when they are close friends or family but I don't want one for myself. I don't think that even if I was loaded and someone was organising the whole thing for me, I'd be up for it.


So, we have booked our day. Small civil ceremony with 20 guests. Pub afterwards for fish and chips..high street dress for me that will hopefully accommodate my bump! (Any ideas ladies then do let me know....I'm off to get some inspiration this weekend.)


Thank you again for all the great advice.

I play with a band at lots of different weddings, and as a rule, the bigger / grander they are, the more dull they seem. Of course it's about personal taste. Personally, I absolutely hate sitting for ages for a meal, when I just want to drink and dance. I think Anna basically has the right of it though.

Sally,

I've been married twice in my life. First was a massive wedding with all the trimmings which I didn't want but was pleasing both sides of the family - it cost an arm and a leg but I didn't have to pay for it so that wasn't the real issue. On that wedding day I knew it was a big mistake and it took me the next two miserable years to divorce him, he being a lawyer who made it difficult for me. I was resentful about the big wedding I didn't want and for my own inability to call it off before it was too late.


Got married for the second time 5 years ago to someone I had been with for ages at the Peckham Registry office (my friends and family from LA still don't know what/where that is) with two friends and our first daughter as witness. Had lunch at the Palmerston and it rained all day (apparently good luck to my Irish husband). We rang everyone afterwards to tell them about it. It was and will always be one of the happiest days of my life. And it is exactly what I wanted.


Good luck with your decision and with the impending arrival. -C x

Sally - your wedding sounds just fine. I didn't really want to get married but did it to shut family up (big mistake). Peckham Registry office with just family & close friends, reception at home (luckily summer and hot) then a party in the evening. More than enough for me - no speeches, no official photographer, no official looking flowers.

Really good lesson here folks... have the size of wedding you feel is appropriate to you. Don't be pressured; after all, it's your day.


Sally, if we've all given you the confidence to have the wedding of both of YOUR dreams then I am so glad. Enjoy it! Get lots of photos... and maybe even post one up here!

Mick Mac Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> More importantly sally i hope all goes well with

> the pregnancy and baby. That really will seal your

> relationship and give you both something special

> to live for.


Should people really get married though just because there is a bun in the oven?

karter Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Mick Mac Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > More importantly sally i hope all goes well

> with

> > the pregnancy and baby. That really will seal

> your

> > relationship and give you both something

> special

> > to live for.

>

> Should people really get married though just

> because there is a bun in the oven?



If we're going to get into that kind of discussion, can I suggest that it's done on a seperate thread, so as not to de-rail Sally's? For one thing, we don't know why she and her partner are getting married, and the arrival of a child might be relevant or not. Although the discussion could be worth having in general terms.

Hi Sally, I know of someone had a small registry wedding with just two witnesses, and a party for friends and family in the evening. They didn't tell anyone that it was a wedding celebration (I think they said it was late birthday or something like that) thus avoiding pressure from friends or relatives. A friend who was invited said people were turning up thinking, blimey this is a bit full-on for a birthday isn't it? (I thought it was a great idea.)

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • So top of Lane. Local Sainsbury, middle Co Op and M and S and bottom Tesco Express…..now everyone should be happy except those that want a Waitrose as well…0h and  don’t forget M and S near ED Station….
    • Direct link to joint statement : https://thehaguegroup.org/meetings-bogota-en/?link_id=2&can_id=2d0a0048aad3d4915e3e761ac87ffe47&source=email-pi-briefing-no-26-the-bogota-breakthrough&email_referrer=email_2819587&email_subject=pi-briefing-no-26-the-bogot_-breakthrough&&   No. 26 | The Bogotá Breakthrough “The era of impunity is over.” That was the message from Bogotá, Colombia, where governments from across the Global South and beyond took the most ambitious coordinated action since Israel’s genocidal assault on Gaza began 21 months ago. Convened by The Hague Group and co-chaired by the governments of Colombia and South Africa, the Emergency Conference on Palestine brought together 30 states for two days of intensive deliberation — and emerged with a concrete, coordinated six-point plan to restrain Israel’s war machine and uphold international law. States took up the call from their host, Colombian President and Progressive International Council Member Gustavo Petro, who had urged them to be “protagonists together.” Twelve governments signed onto the measures immediately. The rest now have a deadline: 20 September 2025, on the eve of the United Nations General Assembly. The unprecedented six measures commit states to:     Prevent military and dual use exports to Israel.     Refuse Israeli weapons transfers at their ports.     Prevent vessels carrying weapons to Israel under their national flags.     Review all public contracts to prevent public institutions and funds from supporting Israel’s illegal occupation.     Pursue justice for international crimes.     Support universal jurisdiction to hold perpetrators accountable. “We came to Bogotá to make history — and we did,” said Colombian President Gustavo Petro. “Together, we have begun the work of ending the era of impunity. These measures show that we will no longer allow international law to be treated as optional, or Palestinian life as disposable.” The measures are not symbolic. They are grounded in binding obligations under international law — including the International Court of Justice’s July 2024 advisory opinion declaring Israel’s occupation unlawful, and September 2024’s UN General Assembly Resolution ES-10/24, which gave states a 12-month deadline to act. UN Special Rapporteur on the situation of human rights in the occupied Palestinian territory Francesca Albanese called them “a momentous step forward.” “The Hague Group was born to advance international law in an era of impunity,” said South Africa’s Foreign Minister, Ronald Lamola. “The measures adopted in Bogotá show that we are serious — and that coordinated state action is possible.” The response from Washington was swift — and revealing. In a threatening statement to journalists, a US State Department spokesperson accused The Hague Group of “seeking to isolate Israel” and warned that the US would “aggressively defend our interests, our military, and our allies, including Israel, from such coordinated legal and diplomatic” actions. But instead of deterring action, the threats have only clarified the stakes. In Bogotá, states did not flinch. They acted — and they invite the world to join them. The deadline for further states to take up the measures is now two months away. And with it, the pressure is mounting for governments across the world — from Brazil to Ireland, Chile to Spain — to match words with action. As Albanese said, “the clock is now ticking for states — from Europe to the Arab world and beyond — to join them.” This is not a moment to observe. It is a moment to act. Share the Joint Statement from Bogotá and popularise the six measures. Write to your elected representative and your government and demand they sign on before 20 September. History was made in Bogotá. Now, it’s up to all of us to ensure it becomes reality, that Palestinian life is not disposable and international law is not optional. The era of impunity is coming to an end. Palestine is not alone. In solidarity, The Progressive International Secretariat  
    • Most countries charge for entry to museums and galleries, often a different rate for locals (tax payers) and foreign nationals. The National Gallery could do this, also places like the Museums in South Kensington, the British Library and other tax-funded institutions. Many cities abroad add a tourist tax to hotel bills. It means tourists help pay for public services.
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...