weddings regrets?

[Mick Mac]

Sally. If you are depending on the man in your life to make you happy then think again.

What team does he support?

[Mark]

Some top tips that I've picked up:

1) Enjoy the organising, it's shouldn't be that hard and can be good fun.

2) Bride magazines will give you some ideas but generally they're full of shit and people trying to sell you shit, at a marked-up wedding price.

3) Spreadsheets can be your friend; guest lists, RSVP, who's eating what, music you like etc

4) Pay suppliers in cash, they like that.

5) Some things won't be perfect, but you know that, so don't stress if they're not quite right

6) Have a great photographer, it'll help with the memories. And/or ask guests to take photos.

7) The two of you are in charge, don't let others run it/ruin it unless you want them to.

8) Make your wedding last a few days if you can, you get to see and chat to everyone. Doing abroad helps with that.

9) Just invite your friends and close family. You can't invite everyone to a wedding and everyone knows that.

10) Tell you best man/bridesmaid to pull you aside every couple of hours and say "take a step back, look at this, this is your day"

[Loz]

Oh - one thing NOT to do is what a friend of mine did and somehow got away with. She threw a birthday party for her boyfriend which doubled as a surprise wedding.

Remarkably, they are still together.

[Mick Mac]

He won't have any trouble remembering his wedding anniversary, I wish my wife had been so thoughtful.

[Tarot]

Just remember you are creating a special memory, not a massive debt. also dont invite the family drunk.

[felt-tip]

we tried to pare down our wedding list last night and it's like if you invite them then you have to invite them... and oh we got invited to theirs... and soon its up to 100 people!

[woofmarkthedog]

On the first go I said...

"Lets go off & get married on an empty beach, just me & you, waves lapping around our feet"

I actually got ...

Big church

120 in the pews

Many more at the big cake reception

Divorced soon after

This time I've avoided all of the above

Have two children

House

A life..

Bingo, I love ( other peoples ) weddings now

W**F

[Smiler]

We had a big, semi-informal wedding four years ago(Mr Smiler and my Mum both wanted this, I was up for a small thing, but gave in after many arguments/fraught discussions) and regret it (the wedding, not getting married, I love being married, honest!)(hope neither of them reads this - argh!).

The months leading up to the wedding were stressful due to organisation / differences / family issues (e.g. people who didn't get on, exes, etc. etc.). Have never argued so much with Mr Smiler before or since! Put on weight through comfort eating and the dress was too tight and gave me bruises!

Felt really exposed and on edge the whole time on the day. There were people there (e.g. friends' partners, random family) that I didn't know well or even recognise, and was anxious about what people thought / were having a good time etc. etc. and, apart from wearing the pretty dress, the flowers and the civil ceremony (which was lovely), didn't enjoy it much. It also cost a lot of money and would rather have had the cash!

Feels good to vent about this as it isn't really acceptable to say you didn't enjoy the wedding, and have only been honest with a few close mates about it! But I know several other people - including those who had big and small dos - who say the same privately.

Re. friends being unable to come, just 'cos they can't come for what seems to you to be a poor reason doesn't mean they're not a friend: everyone has their own lives / problems and you may not know the whole story. People also have really weird attitudes about weddings and what one "should do".

As others have said, please do what's right for you, hope you enjoy it when the time comes!

[Smiler]

Like Woof, I also love other people's weddings, as long as small kids (like mine) are banned!

[felt-tip]

I think the kids make the wedding!

[Brendan]

We had a thoroughly enjoyable wedding. The trick was adopting the following strategy. She planned, I agreed and did whatever I was asked.

I also made the point that came up earlier about not inviting the family drunk but she said if I didn?t pitch up she would castrate me.

[annaj]

Smiler, that's so sad, I'm really sorry you didn't enjoy your day.

I had a biggish white wedding and loved every minute; it really was one of the happiest days of my life.

I enjoyed the planning and the build-up, there were stressful moments, obviously, but for the most part I loved it and missed it when it was over and I love looking back at the pictures.

So, obviously, I don't think that big weddings have to be stressful and awful, but I think you either are a big wedding person or you're not. If the very thought of a big wedding leaves you cold, it's probably not for you, so don't do it. As everyone else has said, do whatever feels like the right thing for the two of you. In the end all that matters is that you start the day not married and end the day married to the man you love, whether that's in front of 2 witnesses or everyone you know, or anything in between, is up to you.

Good luck.

[Sally81]

Annaj I think you're right...you're either a big wedding person or you're not. I actually like other people's big weddings when they are close friends or family but I don't want one for myself. I don't think that even if I was loaded and someone was organising the whole thing for me, I'd be up for it.

So, we have booked our day. Small civil ceremony with 20 guests. Pub afterwards for fish and chips..high street dress for me that will hopefully accommodate my bump! (Any ideas ladies then do let me know....I'm off to get some inspiration this weekend.)

Thank you again for all the great advice.

[Keef]

I play with a band at lots of different weddings, and as a rule, the bigger / grander they are, the more dull they seem. Of course it's about personal taste. Personally, I absolutely hate sitting for ages for a meal, when I just want to drink and dance. I think Anna basically has the right of it though.

[karter]

Yes as Annaj and Keef said. Do what feels right for you and your partner and enjoy it, the others will too. Nice plan for your wedding day.(tu)

[Mick Mac]

More importantly sally i hope all goes well with the pregnancy and baby. That really will seal your relationship and give you both something special to live for.

[candj]

Sally,

I've been married twice in my life. First was a massive wedding with all the trimmings which I didn't want but was pleasing both sides of the family - it cost an arm and a leg but I didn't have to pay for it so that wasn't the real issue. On that wedding day I knew it was a big mistake and it took me the next two miserable years to divorce him, he being a lawyer who made it difficult for me. I was resentful about the big wedding I didn't want and for my own inability to call it off before it was too late.

Got married for the second time 5 years ago to someone I had been with for ages at the Peckham Registry office (my friends and family from LA still don't know what/where that is) with two friends and our first daughter as witness. Had lunch at the Palmerston and it rained all day (apparently good luck to my Irish husband). We rang everyone afterwards to tell them about it. It was and will always be one of the happiest days of my life. And it is exactly what I wanted.

Good luck with your decision and with the impending arrival. -C x

[Cassius]

Sally - your wedding sounds just fine. I didn't really want to get married but did it to shut family up (big mistake). Peckham Registry office with just family & close friends, reception at home (luckily summer and hot) then a party in the evening. More than enough for me - no speeches, no official photographer, no official looking flowers.

[Loz]

Really good lesson here folks... have the size of wedding you feel is appropriate to you. Don't be pressured; after all, it's your day.

Sally, if we've all given you the confidence to have the wedding of both of YOUR dreams then I am so glad. Enjoy it! Get lots of photos... and maybe even post one up here!

[karter]

Mick Mac Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> More importantly sally i hope all goes well with

> the pregnancy and baby. That really will seal your

> relationship and give you both something special

> to live for.

Should people really get married though just because there is a bun in the oven?

[Twirly]

karter Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Mick Mac Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > More importantly sally i hope all goes well

> with

> > the pregnancy and baby. That really will seal

> your

> > relationship and give you both something

> special

> > to live for.

>

> Should people really get married though just

> because there is a bun in the oven?

If we're going to get into that kind of discussion, can I suggest that it's done on a seperate thread, so as not to de-rail Sally's? For one thing, we don't know why she and her partner are getting married, and the arrival of a child might be relevant or not. Although the discussion could be worth having in general terms.

[karter]

fair enough, i meant generally though and not pointing at Sally81 even though it's her thread. I can remove the post if she wishes.

[Smiler]

The wedding plans sound great Sally81!

[BeccaL]

Sally - we got married in almost exactly the same way and situation! I wore a bias cut dress from monsoon which accommodated a 6-month bump quite well - just needed to take up the lining a bit! Your day sounds perfect - hope you both enjoy it!

[KatsuQueen]

Hi Sally, I know of someone had a small registry wedding with just two witnesses, and a party for friends and family in the evening. They didn't tell anyone that it was a wedding celebration (I think they said it was late birthday or something like that) thus avoiding pressure from friends or relatives. A friend who was invited said people were turning up thinking, blimey this is a bit full-on for a birthday isn't it? (I thought it was a great idea.)