Euphemisms that drive you mad

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Rest Room - what's that all about? I wouldn't dream of having a lie down in a bog.

[Ant]

'Asleep' (but only when actually being used as a euphemism, obviously).

No... they're dead. It's harsh, I know, but I just can't help it. It just really annoys me.

[mockney piers]

One of my favourite spaced quotes:

Daisy: Colin's gone.

Tim: What?

Daisy: He went next door.

Tim: Oh, Daisy. I'm sorry. How did that happen?

Daisy: He walked.

Tim: [momentarily confused] Riiiight, right. Sorry. My mum used to use "going next door" as a euphemism for being dead.

Mike: Whooa. Does that mean my rabbit's dead?

Tim: It's been 18 years Mike, where did you think he was?

Mike: [sobbing] Next door!

[mockney piers]

and for the record I've been known to pop into the comfy and spacious executive loos for the odd five minute power nap if I'm really tired.

[atila the gooner]

Up the duff, in the club, instead of pregnant. English is a great language...................use it wisely.

[Brendan]

The Gherkin.

[Keef]

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

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> Rest Room - what's that all about? I wouldn't dream of having a lie down in a bog.

Similar to this, it annoys me when American's go "to the bathroom" because they don't like to say they're off to the sh!tter.

[char1ie]

I lost my father last year. Did you leave him on the 8.32 from Victoria? He's dead! Not lost.

And I am starting to think about sex education. My son is only one but one day he'll want to know about his penis and what to do with it. Has anybody ever just been honest about sex and the penis? I don't think so. All we hear about is winkles, front bottoms, the stork, babies in mummies tummy, etc etc. Can I just tell him about sex? Do the Sacndinavians just come out and say what all your bits are for from an early age? Or the Dutch? The English certainly can't.

Charlie

[mightyroar]

um, charlie, i hate to break it to you but the baby does grow in the mummies tummy!

agree about the rest though. Mummy laid an egg is a hilarious book for when he is about 3 or 4 with real actual sex in it though.

Very difficult getting the appropriate language for kids. At least all the kids know what a willy is.

we have gone with fanny for girls bits but have heard foo-foo and front bottom a lot.

Also really hate 'she's got the painters in' and 'she's on the rag'

[annaj]

My mum is very fond of old sayings and euphemsims, the one that springs to mind is "Jack's dead" to tell someone their petticoat is showing.

But, interestingly, she explained sex and answered all our questions (and he will ask char1ie, probably loudly and in a public place) in simple, honest terms (penis / vagina - the only real problem with vagina is that it's hard for a child to say) as soon as we were old enough to start asking them. She also made it very clear to us it was ok to ask questions and that we could talk to her about anything. The honest and open approach worked for us through childhood, adolescence and into adult life, I can still talk to her about anything, and it seems to be working for my sister and her 6 year-old.

Back to euphemisims though, I agree completely about restroom. It's a loo.

[*Bob*]

It would be a bit dull if people were only ever 'pregnant', 'dead' or 'having their period' though.

[char1ie]

My mate Cathy had a hard time with her son recently. She way pregnant and her five year old was asking how the baby got into her tummy. "Mummy and daddy made it then it went into mummies tummy" "like a cake?" They had been making a cake that morning. "Yes, like a cake." "So will you have a giant cake poo and the baby will be there?" etc etc.

Charlie

[Ant]

Giant cake poo - excellent. :)

[annaj]

*Bob* Wrote:

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> It would be a bit dull if people were only ever

> 'pregnant', 'dead' or 'having their period'

> though.

That's true *Bob*.

MrJ occasionally refers to me 'surfing the crimson wave' and I have to admit it makes me smile.

Like so many things, I think it's all about context. Whilst I personally find 'passed away' or 'moved on' a bit twee, I can entirely see how someone might find it hard to say 'dead' or 'died' when talking about someone they knew or loved.

As for what you might call comedy euphemisms, I think they can be very funny with the right timing and the right audience. Like most humour however, moderation is the key. Announcing to the whole room that you're 'off to drop the kids off at the pool' every time you go for a poo, stops being funny pretty fast.

char1ie - Giant cake poo - brilliant. One to store up for his 18th birthday speech surely?

[Keef]

mightyroar Wrote:

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> Very difficult getting the appropriate language for kids. At least all the kids know what a willy is.

> we have gone with fanny for girls bits but have heard foo-foo and front bottom a lot.

I haven't had to deal with this yet, but I ust couldn't encourage my kid to use fanny or front bottom.

Surely knob and tw@t are fine by the time they're 6? ... No? :-S

Seriously I guess it is difficult. Willy is well known, but the only word I can remember from my childhood for a girl's privates was indeed fanny, but it's just so crap.

[Ant]

We use fanny for our daughters. It's crap - but no worse than willy. Seems a good equivalent.

[*Bob*]

Using 'front bottom' instead of punani in front of the kids is just plain wrong. There must be a better word for a chuff that could be used. Minge, perhaps?

[Jah Lush]

This thread reminds me of an old joke about a little boy in the bath with his mother. He points to his mum's nether regions (see, I'm doing it now) and says "Mummy, what's that between your legs?" And his mother replies: "That's where you Daddy accidently hit me with an axe." The little boy replies: "Oh! good shot..right in the c**t.

[Asset]

Oh Jah, that was horrid.

Back to euphemisms. I was wondering just the other day about "when did your cat die?" (too short trousers). Where on earth did that come from?

[Annasfield]

Oh Jah Lush, that did make me laugh!

[SeanMacGabhann]

horrid? maybe...

funny?? as f@@@.. !!

(tu)

[mightyroar]

i agree. horrid. there's a thread on here already for filthy jokes.

Asset I have never heard that but I will now be aiming to get it into conversation whenever the opportunity arises.

[ratty]

How about Euphanisms that we like??? "Just going to turn my bike round" is a fave of mine as is "Dropping the kids off at the pool and sending them off with a wave"

BTW I agree with Bob - what's wrong with Minge all of a sudden ffs?

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

Sorry if this is a bit of a lecture, but just wanted to share my experience:

I have never heard anyone say front bottom. I think I'd pass put laughing if I did. My kids got willy and minnie, cos I just couldn't handle labelling a little girls bits as a fanny. Thats what they grow in to!

I did explain everything they ever asked in as honest a way as I could, and have sat my son-in-law and daughter down to talk about sex and make sure she's having orgasms.

My son was told, among other things, to make sure a woman wants it more than he does before he gets his, and they all grew up with a lot of age appropriate instructional books.

I have also always told them that sex is best with someone who you love and respect, who is mad about you too

Obviously you need to help them learn to communicate effectively verbally, as well as physically if they want successful relationships.

My son is 21 and been with his girlfriend since the age of 15 and my 20 yr old has been with her husband for 5 years so they seem to be doing ok on it!

[*Bob*]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you... the candidate for the Green Party!