a joke

[the_record_spot]

The approaching Olympics in London reminded me of this one....this guy's walking up to a sports stadium and sees an athlete coming towards him with a big long stick over his shoulder. He asks "are you a pole vaulter?", the guy goes "Naw, I'm a German, how d'you know my name was Walter?".

[Jah Lush]

Recently a man from East Dulwich had to go to hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis. According to the man his girlfriend had found the ring in his trousers and became so furious that she stuck it on him while he was asleep.

So which is worse? Having your girlfriend find out that you are married? Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis? Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring?

[Keef]

LOL >:D

[DaveR]

As a result of the heightened threat of terrorist activity, the French government has increased the level of national emergency......

from 'RUN' to 'HIDE'

[spadetownboy]

a white horse walks into a pub,barman goes we,ve got a whiskey named after you,horse replies what eric.

[Annasfield]

Two starving men are wandering in the desert when in the distance they see a tree, apparently covered in bacon rashers. One of the men dashes towards it, but is shot dead. As he expires he gasps to his companion, "dont come any closer. Its not a bacon tree. Its a Ham bush"

[Jah Lush]

Maurice and his wife Esther visit the town carnival every year and every year Maurice always says: "Esther, I'd like to fly in that helicopter".

Esther always replies: "I know Maurice, but the ride costs 50 quid, and 50 quid is 50 quid."

One year Maurice pleads, "Esther, I'm 85, if I don't fly this year, I might never get another chance."

"Maurice, the helicopter is 50 quid, and 50 quid is 50 quid," replies Esther.

The pilot overhears and makes them an offer, "I'll take both of you up," he starts, "and if you don't say a word throughout, I won't charge you. One word though, and it's 50 quid."

The couple agree. The pilot does all kinds of fancy moves, but not a word is spoken. He does his daredevil routine over and over again, but still nothing. When they land the pilot turns to Maurice and says: "I did everything to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Maurice smiles coyly, then says: "Actually, I nearly said something when Esther fell out, but you know, 50 quid is 50 quid."

[mockney piers]

[Fear 'n boozin]

you can watch loads!

[mockney piers]

Batman's Recurring Dream

 

[SeanMacGabhann]

3 men on a putting green, about to close off a tense and important tournament

With one of the group lining up to take a putt, they notice a funeral procession go by

The man lining up the putt breaks off, takes off his cap and waits for the procession to go by

When it's gone he starts to line up the putt again when one of the other two guys says; "That was very decent of you to do that"

To which he replies; "Ah to be fair she was a good wife"

[Asset]

I don't know how to drop the attached picture into the message.

Anyway have a look.

Apparently average time to get it is about 15 seconds.

be truthful now.

[Ladygooner]

Asset - What am I looking for?

[SeanMacGabhann]

Put it this way - I'm well past 15 seconds by now...

[mockney piers]

took me about 20. - I thought for a minute it might be one of those scary faces that leap out the picture, but don't worry, it's not.

[Mark]

took me about 30

[Mogs]

Yep quite funny although I didn't time myself, but I think it was about a 1 min

[Ant]

Took me somewhat longer, but I was distracted by an email from the boss. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

[jim_the_chin]

now how long to spot which of the posts was inserted into the pic using photoshop?

[SeanMacGabhann]

slaps palm to forehead!!!!!!! THANK you Jim

[spadetownboy]

3 mice are sitting at a bar discussing how hard they are.

first one goes im so hard last night i went up to the mousetrap tookout the cheese ate it then bench pressed it 30 times before throwing the trap across the room.

second one goes thats nothing see that poison they put down,well i crush it into powder and snort it.

third one steps off his stool and walks out of the bar, where are you going ask the other two, ach im off home to shag the cat.

[TillieTrotter]

If its the van being blocked in I got it immediately!!:))

[spadetownboy]

********BREAKING NEWS*********

police have discovered a suspicious vehicle in the centre of liverpool.....................it still had 4 wheels and a stereo.

[spadetownboy]

what is gary glitter,s favourite wine?

paedo grigio.

[Jah Lush]

I went to a dyslexic rave

it was great,

everyone was out of their heads on F.

In the corner a man was mainlining a heron.