a joke

[Brendan]

That is such a teacher joke.

[Huguenot]

Ah, but it's so cute that Bumbalina just copied it onto her phone so she can tell the girls at work tomorrow ;-)

Admittedly I did tell it very well. *keeps straight and rather prim face*

[omniprescient]

Why wouldnt 3 go out with 4, 9 and 16???

Because they are such squares.

[waynetta]

Chas and Dave have teamed up with Snoop Dog to release a new single - ' Knees up Motherfukker '

[omniprescient]

What do you call a blacksmith with dreadlocks?

Rasta farrier.

[Alec John Moore]

A sandwich went in to a pub and ordered a pint. The barkeeper said, Sorry, we don't serve food.

[KidKruger]

I don't understand why women want to be equal when they could be better.

That shows a lack of ambition to me.

Which is why men are better.

[Marmora Man]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

[Rhinestone Cowboy]

Gary Glitter is currently en route to Chile, apparently the news of 33 trapped & helpless minors was just too tempting to ignore

[Jah Lush]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana when he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house 'Talking Dog For Sale'. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador sitting there.

"You talk?" he says.

"Yep" the dog replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog speak, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well. I discovered I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping."

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals."

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm retired."

The guys is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars." the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."

[Ladymuck]

Man goes to barbers with his little girl to get his hair cut.

Whilst he is receiving his hair cut, his little girl sits close by eating a cake.

The barber smiles at the little girl and says: "you are going to get hair on your muffin".

The little girl replies: "yes, and I am going to get tits too - you dirty old bastard".

Courtesy of my best friend

[felt-tip]

how do you know which budgies have been bought using finance?

because they are the ones on a higher purchase

(hire purchase)

[Ridgley]

Husband watching TV, fat wife comes into him and says 'I just fell down the stairs didn?t you hear me? husband says 'sorry luve I thought it was the end of East Enders!

[Jah Lush]

Q: What's nine-and-a-half inches long and satisfies all c**ts?

A: An iPad

[felt-tip]

I pulled this real beauty the other night and we got into the sack and as we got down to it she exclaimed: "You have the biggest willy I have ever touched!"

I responded: "You're pulling my leg!"

[georgia]

V silly joke...well it is Friday:

I was walking past the fridge earlier and thought I heard an onion singing a Bee Gees song, but when I opened the door it was just a chive talkin.....

I asked the chive if he wanted to be an onion? But it said I'm stayin' achive stayin' achive ah,ah,ah,ah stayin' achive.....

[felt-tip]

I have physically recoiled from that gag Georgia!

[Jah Lush]

A Chilean miner having sex with his wife for first time since release.

Miner: Can we switch the lights off?

Wife: Of course!

Miner: Can I have you from behind?

Wife: Anything you want my brave boy.

Miner: Can I call you Pedro?

[DulwichFox]

Two Cannibals were eating a Clown.

One said to the other. "Does this taste funny to you" ?

[dita-on-tees]

Two canaries on a perch.

One says to the other, Can you smell fish?

[felt-tip]

two oranges walk into a bar, one turns to the other:

"your round"

[AlexC]

I ordered dessert at the Pizza Hut and they gave me tiramisu and a blindfolded horse. I said, 'No ? mascarpone'.

[Ridgley]

Ok its is removed

[Huguenot]

Erm.........

[Narnia]

Ridgley, you may feel it's ok to write a joke like this as you are black but this one just isn't funny for so many reasons.