top ten most common complaints in east dulwich today

[a bit dizzee]

1. A Foxton mini has prevented me parking directly outside my house and unloading my organic vegetables/bugaboo.

2. The distant sound of a small child's innocent laughter has ruined my enjoyment of a pint of mild in EDT.

3. A dog/fox has done a poo and the owner/Derek Fowlds has failed to pick it up.

4. A surly waitress on ?5.85 an hour has failed to offer me an organic, gerbil-vomit coffee the moment my (slightly disappointing) dessert of hand-picked, free-range local apple pie was removed from my table at Franklins/Palmerston/Rice N Peas .

5. A local bakery is offering interesting bread at ?1.50 rather than a loaf of Mother's Pride at 95p.

6. An unsuccessful independently run business has closed down, giving a heartless chancer the opportunity to open a successful, viable operation.

7. A bookmaking firm is trying to occupy an empty shop, which will inevitably lead to lots of shady characters hanging around the neighbourhood, hassling the locals and trying to play Find The Lady outside the organic wine shop. We've all seen The Sting, who knows where this will end?

8. The bloke in Green & Blue is clearly a surly nutcase as he didn't acknowledge me when I went in to browse the "Spicy Red" section.

9. The chains are ruining Lordship Lane and taking away all the individual character it had when it was a ghost town in 1991.

10. Why is there no Marks & Spencers?

As you can see, there are lots of things to complain about in East Dulwich despite it appearing to be a perfectly pleasing place to live. What is your favourite complaint?

[mockney piers]

That's most of them.

11. Women only swim nights at the leisure centre is a crime against humanity

12. What happened to the good old days when we couls sing around the piano down the pub before beating each other senseless?

[Dulwich_ Park_ Fairy]

Surely the list isn't complete without some sort of reference to Bromley?

[Narnia]

13. It's raining........why?

14. I complain if I'm not happy.........whose fault is that and where do they live?

15. A lot of people complain as if their lives depend on an answer...........either that or they want attention!

16. Why isn't there a list of the least common complaints in East Dulwich?

[Guest]

My favourite would be the one about "Why oh why oh why do people have to complain" and all the binary thinking and cultural stereotyping nonsense they then feel justified in offloading with it.

(Just teasing. My real favourite is the size of my backside recently, but clearly not pertinent to this thread as not yet strictly large enough to be a local issue.)

[Moos]

17. I went to a new local restaurant and it wasn't NEARLY good enough.

18. Everyone round here is a disgusting snob. Except me.

19. There aren't any really funny new people on the Forum.

OK, scratch the last one. :))

[buggie]

surprised its not coming in until now but:

20. Catflap man hasn't done the job and is now being tricky about returning the deposit

[Guest]

For a while I thought the catflap thread might be a kind of extended insider joke about what a completely pointless thread would be like, designed to trap the unwary newbie into revealing their lack of sophistication. In fact I'm still not sure.

[mightyroar]

21. I saw a so-called yummy mummy and she wasnt even wearing fake tan never mind make-up

[spadetownboy]

22.its the end of may and i,ve got the bloody flu:(

[buggie]

aw, poor STB - you should have popped into A&E = lots of fluey peeps were!!

[Sue]

Great thread :)):)):))

:)-D

[CamberwellOz]

23. Every one around here got their licence off the back of a Weetabix box.

[Scruffy Mummy]

24. I'm not homophobic but why do gay/lesbian parents (or any other group with particular experience/background in common) have to hang out together in groups when they could just assmilate into the wonderful world of the norm?

[Cassius]

25. There isn't a Waitrose

26. There isn't a record shop - ooops scratch that

[jim_the_chin]

25. I went in a shop that was too big/small/hot/busy and the owner was rude/rushed/a bit foreign and the thing i bought was not the right size/smell/price but i didn't say anything i just came here to offload. but i hate to seeing chains in ED as they are all the bloody same.

[rob]

26: A working class person had the temerity to wear unattractive sportswear in the vicinity of my Croc's-N_Boden bedecked child whilst I was purchasing line-caught Grouper on Saturday morning.

[rob]

27 The Urbani Truffle Butter in The Gowlett is past its sell-by-date

[Bellenden Belle]

28. I don't live there, I don't shop there, in fact I think I only vaguely know its location, but how can people possibly like living in the Bellenden Regeneration area?

Regneration? Pah! Damn those Bollards! And besides.... it's all going to go to rack and ruin anyway- all those lovely shops and cafes are going to close down any minute now, just you wait and see...

[citizenED]

29. My Rupert and Ophelia had to play in a park in which the dogs were not only unmuzzled but also off the leash.

Edited because blooming BB can type (and think) much faster than me.

[Bellenden Belle]

30. DulwichMum represents all that is wrong with society today and how dare you tell me I don't have a sense of humour...

[Scruffy Mummy]

31. These people who complain about dogs attacking young children are completely selfish and want to impose their pathetic values of living free from dog attacks on us poor oppressed dog loving masses.

[Brendan]

32. Could you guys just stay on fucking topic PLEASE!

[Bellenden Belle]

33. Excuse me? How dare you post on this thread... are you a soya-drinking Brazilian metrosexual looking for a dog-training club in the local area? No? Then p*ss off and find your own thread.

[Mark]

34. Why oh why are people of a different class to me living round here? What gives them the right to bring their influences to the place where I've lived for nearly a year now and start changing it? It used to be paradise round here until they came along with their "outside" ways, apparently.