Strange man caught doing a number two on our front doorstep this morning

[Ms Smalls]

Hi all

I am new to this forum - just signed up today!

Really just wanted to post a warning about a strange man I found doing a poo outside our front door this morning. He apologised for being 'caught short' when I opened the door and then he scarpered pretty sharpish... leaving a trail of soiled newspaper for us to pick up after him though! My poor boyfriend has been disinfecting the whole area this morning.... so revolting!

He wasn't aggressive or anything and hopefully he won't be 'caught short' again but thought I'd mention it as someone else we know in East Dulwich thinks it may have happened to them before too.

[david_carnell]

Sorry for your "experience" Ms Smalls but that's the greatest 1st post ever!

[Ant]

I blame Paula Radcliffe.

[ratty]

It was me!

[local1]

Hey welcome,

I think youve come to the very place the culprit is. Also we may not have heard the last of this odd practice.

http://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/forum/read.php?5,159481

You may find a few suspects in the above link.:)

[Michael Palaeologus]

I used to work in an office which had regular visits from the "Poo-Man".

[Ms Smalls]

Haha!

[????]

Well I was always told not to sh1t on my own doorstep

[Jimbob]

was he carrying a video camera at waist height and acting furtively.

[HonaloochieB]

Rub his nose in it and he won't do it again.

Seriously, not pleasant and not typical. Welcome to the EDF.

[giggirl]

Ms Smalls - what street are you on? I'm curious.

[Pierre]

That's pretty foul - are you on a street near a pub? And what time in the morning was it? I have a comical mental image of a be-suited commuter putting down his laptop bag to squat in your doorway... sorry, that's horrible, hope the mess and smell went away easily!

: P

[SteveT]

The 'Greater slack arsed git' is an animal marking his territory, I saw something akin to this on one of those Attenborough programmes.

Apparently there is a tendency for this creature to behave in this manner at this time of year when the weather is so mild, the frequency diminishes on cold wintery mornings.

The receiver's of the unrequested deposits are all looking forward to chilly winds from the north to greatly reduce, or possibly remove any further unwanted outbreaks of this odious behaviour.

[Louisa]

Ladies and gents can we drop the toilet humour please - I think this poor chap may well have been affected by this mysterious ED stomach bug that has been doing the rounds, perhaps we should randomly put loo rolls outside our front gates to help aid the aflicted in these dark times.

Louisa.

[nunheadbelle]

There must be a medical name for this type of behaviour, 'stepadefecatitis' maybe :-)

[chuff]

scatology dans les ?l?ments possibly

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Sorry about that Ms Smalls.I never realised that you were about to be a fellow contributor on here.I had a long journey back to The Suburbs and the Public Toilet facilities are somewhat lacking in East Dulwich so whats a geezer to do?(6)

Sorry to inconvenience you,it won't happen again.

A Thousand Apologies..

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Oh! I meant to say-Welcome To The Forum:)-D>:D<(tu)

[Ms Smalls]

Thanks everyone! I am finding this all much more amusing today and feeel much less traumatised from my run-in with the doorstep pooper.

The funniest thing was having to close my front door again while he finished! It was either that or step over him... no thanks!

Anyway, the shop across the road caught him on their CCTV - he was in there minutes before trying to buy booze but they refused to serve him so early in the morning (the bowel movement took place around 7.50-8.00am)

[Jah Lush]

So we have an alcoholic with a prolapsed arsehole who likes to fertilise our front gardens. Can I just ask what paper he was wiping his arse with?

[Ms Smalls]

The Daily Mail I hope :))

[Jah Lush]

That would be fine with me. But I think The Sun would be more appropriate. He'd be sticking it where The Sun don't shine.

[alba]

Just wondered if you were anywhere near the Goose Green end of East Dulwich. I saw a man hunkered down producing a turd on the grassy area by the mural, flanking the playground. It was so odd and so public, that I just averted my eyes and carried on. I'd forgotten all about it until this latest tale of the turd.

[Geo]

Thats crap !

[sooty]

The whole thing smells a bit dodgy to me!