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Things that have made me laugh 2

mockney piers

By mockney piers
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Brendan

Brendan

Posted
Posted

It is important to be able to defend yourself against coconuts. They kill more people than something that you would think kills lots of people but in actual fact doesn?t kill as many people as coconuts.


Wasn?t Keith Richards recently attacked by one, or was it a nut on coke?

ruffers

ruffers

Posted
Posted

I'm watching the world darts on the telly, and there's a lady from Russia competing which is a first.


Sid Waddell after Anastasia throws some magic darts - "Without wanting to be sexist that's the sort of leg that Batty Grable would be proud of!"


The man's a god.

boosboss

boosboss

Posted
Posted

Ronnie Barker back in the 70's,


This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters


Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella


worked very hard frubbing scloors emptying poss pits and shivelling

shot.


At the end of the day she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were

right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, the other was called

Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty

sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the

ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go. Suddenly

there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name

was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a

pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy

ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told

Rindercella to be back by dimnlight, otherwise there would be a

cucking falamity.


At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when

suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said

Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping

her slass glipper. The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on

Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty

Swallocks lifted her leg and lifted off a fig bart. "Who's fust

jarted???" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over

there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted,

he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success

and their feet stucking funk. Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted

and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not

difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the

slass glipperon Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince

lived his life in lucking fuxury and Rindercella lived hers with a

follen swanny.!!

david_carnell

david_carnell

Posted
Posted

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE PSYCHOLOGICALLY CHALLENGED



1. SCHIZOPHRENIA : -- Do You Hear What We Hear?


2. AMNESIA -- I Don't Know If I'll Be Home for Christmas.


3. NARCISSIST - - Hark the Herald Angels Sing-All About Me .


4. MANIC -- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets

and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and

Fire Hydrants, and.....


5. MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER -- We Three Queens Disoriented Are.


6. PARANOID --- Santa Claws Is Coming To Get Me.


7. BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER -- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.


8. FULL PERSONALITY DISORDER -- You Better Watch Out! I'm Gonna cry; I'm

Gonna Pout! -- Maybe I'll Tell You Why .



9. OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER -- Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells Jingle Bells,

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle

Bells, Jingle Bells.....



10. AGORAPHOBIA -- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day, but Wouldn't Leave My

House.



11. SENILE DEMENTIA -- Walking in a Winter Wonderland--Miles from My House

in My Slippers and Robe



12. OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANCE DISORDER -- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus-so I

Burned Down the House.



13. SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER -- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, While

I Sit Here and Hyperventilate



14. ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER -- We Wish You.. . .Hey Look!!! It's

Snowing!!!

  • 2 weeks later...
jaybee82

jaybee82

Posted
Posted

Found this quite funny:


http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/7812254.stm


More specifically - 'In 2003 Paul and Lisa Allott moved from their bungalow in Conisbrough, South Yorkshire, after becoming fed up of living in Butt Hole Road. The family said they had grown tired of groups of youths posing for photographs by a street sign near their front wall with their buttocks bared.'


And - 'The name Scratchy Bottom, in Dorset, is thought to refer to a rough hollow'

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