waynetta
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Posts
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Everything posted by waynetta
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FELLAS on internet forums. Make yourself more attractive to women by getting a life.
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GIRLS stuff a pitta bread with tampons, lipstick, etc. Your friends will envy at your 'Viviene Westwood' style clutch bag.
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ILLEGAL immigrants. Convince your neighbours that you're Scottish by drinking whisky, wearing womens clothes and a Ginger wig, and throwing big logs around your back garden.
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They could be out as early as tomorrow. I feel like rejoicing with a totally unrelated top tip ! Avoid cut fingers when chopping vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables for you while you simply chop away.
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PREVENT the inconvenience of waiting for energy saving fluorescent lightbulbs to brighten up by simply leaving them switched on all the time.
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LADIES Knock 'em dead at Ascot this year by going into your garage or garden shed, getting the biggest thing you can find and wearing it on your head.
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MUMS A strip of banana peel tacked to the bottom of your children's shoes allows them to be towed effortlessly around supermarkets.
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TRAMPS Stand with a paper cup next to the nearest bottle bank. Ask visitors to pour any remaining drops from their bottles into your cup. Within a few minutes you will have a free cup full of alcoholic punch.
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A SIMPLE drinking straw, cut into small lengths will make sufficient batons for up to six rodent display teams. Alternatively one straw makes a first class 'pole' for rodent pole vaulters.
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UNEMPLOYED? Annoy your neighbour by sprinkling nettle and other weed seeds into his flower beds while he's at work.
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Isn't a double dip a pickpocketing technique?
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DECREASE your penis size by watching porn featuring Thora Hird.
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DEAF PEOPLE Prevent people eavesdropping on your conversations by wearing oven gloves.
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I used to get hours of fun flicking through them. Here's a classic. http://www.bbc.co.uk/collective/dnaimages/gallery/innovations/1.jpg
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ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.
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ALWAYS Go to the toilet at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you will also be getting paid for it.
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http://www.yourmum.co.uk/web_pages/viz/goosestep_master.jpg
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http://www.yourmum.co.uk/web_pages/viz/smackmart.jpg
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http://www.yourmum.co.uk/web_pages/viz/book-burning.jpg
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BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.
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GET away with being a Klu Klux Klan member in Peckham by only going out on Halloween and pretending to be a spook.
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And here's Cary Granite (Cary Grant) http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/5800000/Gary-Granite-Cary-Grant-the-flintstones-5889415-400-307.jpg
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How about in this one? Corrr...I would, even if he is a cartoon character. http://www.topthat.net/webrock/images/stony_curtis.jpg
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In memory of Tony Curtis and the 50th anniversary of the Flinstones. The appearance of Stony Curtis. http://media.monstersandcritics.com/articles/1204703/article_images/wilmafredandstoneycurtis.jpg
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http://basicbikes.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/2b.gif?w=220&h=410