waynetta
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Posts
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Everything posted by waynetta
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Freddie Starr once ate a hamster.
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A man was sent to prison for 12 weeks today for microwaving his guinea pig after a drunken argument with his girlfriend. How can anyone be so cruel? I had a Top Tip lined up about spicing up your guinea pig's boring life by using a small bowl of ready brek as quicksand hidden in his cage, but as a mark of respect for the microwaved guinea pig I will not post it.
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Men. Save energy drying recently washed pots and pans by blasting each of them for 30 seconds in the microwave
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Well that TV aerial must have been expensive. It cost him an arm and leg...twice.
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Blimey oreilly.does that mean I count as an adult too? Didn't you just read my last post about onions and trousers?!!
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Dunno if anyone read about this, but a man swum the channel yesterday and he doesn't have any arms or legs ! Not only that, but he only learned to swim 2 years ago! Fcuk me sideways ! ps Apparently he lost his arms and legs when he was electrocuted moving his TV aerial ! I hope he got a better reception when he completed his swim yesterday.
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FIND out how many of your neighbour's cat's lives are remaining by hitting it repeatedly with a mallet. The number of strokes required to bring about it's demise will correspond with the number of lives that remained.
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INCREASE the weight of your husband's trousers by attaching onions to the belt loops.
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OLD FOLKS. Stay warm and safe this winter by wrapping yourselves in bacofoil. Not only will this conserve vital body heat, but it will also make you look a bit like 'Robocop', thus going some way towards deterring would-be burglars.
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Always put Pay and Display parking tickets upside down and in the centre of your windscreen in the hope that the parking warden will crick his neck trying to read it.
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Well I have got one Top Tip for them when they do finally get out. Coal Miners. Save having to wash your clothes by taking a night time job delivering sacks of flour.
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Mad men. I love those Italian suits on the men. And my hero at the moment is joan. She's got such style and class.
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The drill got through to where the miners are yesterday. Am I the only one who gives a monkeys about these poor fellows? Maybe i should just discuss lipstick or dodgy tracksuits.
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Lets look at the popes visit as an opportunity to
waynetta replied to dulwichmum's topic in The Lounge
Many catholic people would find a lot of the above comments deeply offensive. He is the head of their church. -
Lets look at the popes visit as an opportunity to
waynetta replied to dulwichmum's topic in The Lounge
I'm fed up of all this pope and catholic bashing.you'd never get away with doing this with any Muslim imans or suchlike if they were visiting this country. -
I wonder if the red army had a 'berlin suggestions' discussion back in world war 2? I suppose it would have been kill and rape as many Germans as possible,storm the Reichstag and execute hitler.
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My favourite clarkson moment was when he said to Kate moss(who was a Charlie fiend at the time and apparently didn't know him) 'i'm Jeremy clarkson and I do top gear'
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Fatties. Pay someone to walk behind you juggling, swallowing swords or eating fire, etc. This will divert attention from your obesity.
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Always buy checked shirts for your husband. Any food stains can then be accurately located using grid references.
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One good bit of advice I picked up if you have goldfish. One or two days before moving house, place your goldfish bowl in the ice making compartment of your refridgerator. When the time comes to move you will find that your fish can be transported in a car or van with no danger of spillage.
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Dyslexics. Try deliberately spelling words wrongly. This way at least you have a chance of spelling some of them correctly.
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I'm quite upset about this. It's such a shame how he has fallen. He cuts a sad and lonely figure these days. I wonder if he was singing 'I don't want your freedom' to the judge? If he was it backfired on him.
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I haven't heard much about these poor guys lately. Any news on them and how they are holding up?
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When parking in car parks, always carry a spare battery in the boot of your car in case the other one has gone flat by the time you eventually find your car.
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Leave your headlights on whenever you park your car in a large car park. If you are unable to find it on your return, simply go away again and come back when it has got dark.