bigbadwolf

Right you lot, I essentially invited Barty to this neck of the woods so stand aside whilst I make all the introductions. Seanmacgabhan is the all round good guy but sometimes bites. Mockney piers is the forums prince among men. David Carnell is a gentleman and a scholar. Marmora Man is an ex-nuclear submarine captain (swiftsure class) aka Uncle Albert. Tony.London suburbs likes to think he's the south London old guard but we also call him Tony.Tonbridge wells. Louisa is our little agitator but as much as we like to shout her down we also love her to bits, even *Bob*. *Bob* is our consistently impressive comedian. Ted Max is *Bobs* nemesis/counterpart but doesn't wear quite as much Box fresh. Moos is our stand up with a heart. Mic Mack and ???? are the forum gamblers and tipsters. Peckham Rose is our own Shakespeareess. She's also a biker. HonaloochieB once kissed Ian Hunters hand. Dulwichmum is convellessing but she'll be back soon. You may fall for her as so many have before. She's our PR mogul/show off/snob. Don't look her in the eye! Brendan is our eccentric Saffa. Keef is our musician and pot head. Jah Lush has had a tab at just about every pub in south London past and present. He likes a drop. Jeremy isn't afraid of anyone. Huguenot isn't in the country. KalamityKel does a lot of text speak. Admin is our eye in the sky. He sends his regards by the way. Woofmarkthedog is our mutt. Michael Paleagolus is our ruby expert. Tillietrotter is our Kiera Knightley and nobody says any different O.K! Georgia is our social butterfly. I'm me. We're an odd bunch that like to squabble and bitch at each other but generally get along but most of all we like to make each other laugh. I'll only say this once. Welcome aboard.

Or a brick through his/her window with a note attached demanding a clue.

I think that as responsible adults we should take a step back and look at the bigger picture in greater detail with less compassion and a lot more logic. I'm going to approach this argument from the 4 against 2 angle/viewpoint. Stretching back as far as Antiquity roads have traditionally been used and constructed for the purpose of transport of either passengers or cargo. The modes of transport had either 4 or 2 legs. A vehicle/animal with 4 legs is going to cause a great deal more damage to a vehicle/Human with 2 legs if a collision were to occur so the more vulnerable will watch out for that danger then and in the future. The same theory/reality applies in the modern era whereby someone on 2 wheels is going to be far more wary of the physical consequences of the collision between them and a car than the driver of a car is going to have over a cyclist. The simple fact remains that roads are built for modes of transport that weigh over half a ton. Bicycles don't fall into this category because lets face it today's bicycles are a developed form of a Victorian pastime and the law that governs the road scantly covers the rights and wrongs of those on a Bicycle. You could also look at it as though road users mirrored that of the Animal kingdom. Cars and lorries are the migrating herd and cyclists are the weaker hangers on that occasionally get trampled. Now we've got that covered lets move on to the types of cyclists most commonly found on Britain's roads. Learning to ride a bike is a right of passage found in all cultures around the globe and probably the only thing the Human race will ever have the French to thank for. All able bodied adults have ridden a bike at some point in their lives with the two common reasons of either having fun or to get from A to B. In recent history however it has also become a fashionable and condescending mode of transport among the commuting classes. 1) Children. Bicycles are the first practical mode of mechanized transport available to adolescents and their level of competence should be respected by all of those on the open road whether they're riding on the pavement or they're showing off and riding on the road. Keep your distance as they're only young. 2) Teenagers and the poor. Although often seen as one and the same they're are in both instances described above able with some degree to hold their own on the road and will have the experience at hand to see danger when it's getting too close. 3) Bicycle couriers. Don't worry as they're suicidal and usually stoned anyway. 4) The City cyclist commuter With their elevated position on the financial ladder of life they've naturally developed an inflated sense of self worth i.e you can't reason with them. They see any other road user who doesn't have an Ipod velcroed to their upper arm an inferior race. There is however an even worse breed of cyclist. 5) Middle class professionals who've just returned from living in a bike friendly European city such as Barcelona or Amsterdam. Firstly these 'people' resent the fact that they've been posted back to the country they were born in so they even more irritable but handily they can be identified by the fold up bike they're riding. Him: A creative media type just back from an 'eye opening' 2 years in Barcelona. Her: A trustafarian out reach worker based in Knightsbridge who's just returned from an alternative therapy course in Holland. Secondly they're self obsessed arseholes past the point of no return.

Ha ha Quids that was good.

Oh dear Dreads...I'm afraid that's only the tip of a very murky iceberg. Last week a butcher was raided on Rye lane and Police discovered a Leper colony under the floorboards. Target Arms on Lordship lane has been investigated after claims that it has been run by a former Serbian warlord who's wanted for questioning by the Hague. 101 Dalmations were found dead and had been skinned. Police have failed so far in their efforts to bring a local PR mogal who alledgedly lives on Alleyns road to justice following claims that half the MET are in her handbag. There was a ferocious gun battle at the JAGS sports club after a member of staff rolled her eye's one too many times. Oh and some geezer wearing an out of the ordinary track suit was seen walking with a suspicious limp and whistling a tune that may or may not have been a code to bypass burglar alarms.

Looks more like some sort of factory reject dildo.

Des Lynam will be cursing the day he jumped ship from the BBC. Serves him right though! I used to respect him like he was my grandad until he sold out to ITV. With any luck I'll see him begging for change outside London Bridge by the end of next month.

However Louisiana that's no excuse to go rambling on at Louisa.

louisiana Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > have most recently been hiking (Wye Valley) rather > than cycling. See that Louisa, "These boots are made for walking and that's just what they'll do and if you don't check your grammar one day these boots are gonna walk all over you".

louisiana Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Louisa Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > I used my hooter in shear > > That would be 'sheer', not 'shear'. Different > word, different meaning. Take a look at Gowers or > similar. > > anger and annoyance at > > the arrogance of this evil cyclist. I am not > one > > to usually hold a grudge > > I'm not one to uphold a grudge against those who > may split their infinitives. But... > > , but if this so and so > > or so-and-so > Not the same as 'so and so'. > > > > crosses my path again I wont > > Perhaps it is your 'wont', but for most others > that'll be a 'won't', which is a contraction of > 'will not'. > > hesitate to open my > > mouth. Bloody sod! I personally > > I think you'll find that 'I' includes > 'personally'. > > think that all > > cyclists should be made more accountable for > their > > actions on the road. They use it just as much > as > > every other vehicle and yet pay nothing towards > > the up keep. > > or indeed 'upkeep' > > > Make them pay road tax and give them > > identity plates > > registration plates? > > so we can make them more > > accountable for their actions. Godamnit' > > So you were quoting someone there? > > Dear Louisa, how about learning how to use the > English language before letting yourself run riot, > breaking all the rules. Luoisiana, forgive me for asking...but are you a cyclist?

I've had my own dog walking service for about 8 months now. I've had mostly positive reviews, especially from commercial breeders. Bad Newz kennel klub At Bad newz we offer a bespoke regime of canine fitness taylored for pampered pooches who've had enough of being bossed about and intimidated at the park by the dogs who have a working class owner. We do stress the fact that the programme isn't for every mans best friend, only those with a dogged determination should be put forward. At first the programme is what you'd expect of any discipline classes. Jumping through hoops following simple commands and obeying a wistle. They are taken for vigorous walks as well in the evening. During the second stage we like to start putting Creatine in their food and water to prepare them for stages to come. During this phase we start loading them down with weights on their walks to put some back bone into them. We also start to file their teeth to suit their new assertiveness. We start to up the ante during stage three to more intensive workouts that include sessions in the Gym with free weights as well as some pretty arduous sessions on the treadmill. I'd also like to point out that during stage three we start to show the animals incredibly violent films that have been banned in all but third world countries...gives them a bit of character. Now stage four is where changes in both the animals physical build as well as all round temprament become startlingly visible. It's during this time that we start to train them to stick up for themselves. At Bad newz we've opted for the most direct approach. On legal advice we can't actually go into much detail but a lot of what goes on is structured around what the Soviet Union would do to train there guard dogs in offensive tactics. I'm afraid this training also takes place outside of the country due to petty legal reasons. After the training is complete and once a quick medical examination has been done we'll contact you to arrange the collection of you pet. Thanks for reading and here are some testimonials from satisfied customers Geraldine and Richard "We noticed an immediate change in Jumbles as soon as we collected him. He was no longer a shy sheep dog but now an assertive yet composed sheep dog...sharper teeth as well. Our investment in Jumbles was confirmed when last week I was at work and I was reading the east dulwich forum. To my horror I saw that someone had posted a message warning residents of some dodgy Peckham looking sorts looking through windows on Underhill road where I live. I carried on at work as best I could but I was wracked with worry over what could be going on back home. I rushed home as fast as possible and when I got there Richard was sitting on the front lawn shaking like a leaf. I asked him what was the matter and he shouted to leave him alone. I gingerly entered the house calling for Jumbles. I nearly fainted when I entered the living room as on the floor were two chavs cacooned in razor wire with Jumbles sitting beside them with an expressionless face. The two intruders were still alive and I told them that I was going to call the Police. I went to pick up the phone and went to dial the number when Jumbles walks over and puts his paw down on the reciever cutting the call and spoke in perfect English "It's O.K Geraldine I called them about 10 minutes ago and they're on their way. Put the kettle on and get Richard some asparin". We're delighted with the results. Karen and James. "We were delighted with the service we recieved and would strongly recommend them. We live in Dulwich and our cat Oscar is often going missing which causes a lot of distress to our two young daughters. About a week after our Alsation Ralf came back from Bad newz our cat Oscar went missing again. About an hour after we noticed his absense we saw Ralf frog marching Oscar back up the road by the scruff of his neck. He hasn't gone missing since."

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought "I don't believe it!" either.

Throw it on me - Timbaland feat. The Hives http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hz0r9o9SeLk Young folks - Peter, Bjorn and John feat. Victoria Bergsman of The Concretes

It's a tricky one isn't it Ted. I mean, on the one hand PR could simply be reliving the fond memory of having an older man holding on at the back and yelling for her to go faster. On the other it could be a completely different scenario involving PR thrashing about with an excited first timer on board enjoying the ride of his life. The mind boggles.

Louisa Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- I am not one > to usually hold a grudge > Louisa. Ha ha ha...I'll cherish that Lou.

Thanks for that Anna. You're right by the way as it certainly is a cheery catalyst to all the muggings and other encouraged paranoia that keeps rearing it's annoying head. Seriously though...you should give you friend a great big pat on the back...with sugar on top.

I don't know what Voodoo you lot are using but wait until you start getting small to large electric shocks off your keyboard followed by a warning message from me in your inbox. I should have it up and running by tomorrow.

Don't be such a great big fraidy cat PR. You can ease Ted into the saddle so to speak and I'll show *Bob* how it's done in the fast lane. I'll even give you a head start...agreed.

woofmarkthedog Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > bigbadwolf Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > I've actually been on the Thames barrier on a > > college trip. Quite impressive. > ------------------------------------ > > Did you go into the "thingys", if so what's inside > ? When you say 'thingys', if you mean the Piers where all the hydralics are housed then not a great deal. There's a crane on each pier and a very obvious crank arm that moves the indiviual barriers and inside the plant room is an enormous Piston. We weren't allowed in any of the control rooms on the piers themselves but had a quick shuftie round the main control room. The best bit though was going along the underwater tunnel that connects all the piers. The worst bit was the stench of stagnant river water and grease.

I've actually been on the Thames barrier on a college trip. Quite impressive.

But money well spent eh Keef.

Bloody hell Legal, you must have told/had some whoppers in your time.

Keef Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Sorry if it's been suggested already, but a sunny > day, why not get the tube to Chalk Farm, and > wonder up to Primrose Hill. Lovely place to sit > and take in amazing views! Or what Keef really does. Sorry if it's been suggested already, but on a sunny day, why not get the tube to Chalk Farm and wonder up to Primrose hill. Lovely place to sit and take in the views whilst smoking a spliff so fat that it could wipe out the Parachute Regiment. You may noticed apart from adding the truth at the end I did a bit of editing because Keefs probably baked by now.

Two years as a motorbike courier in central London. I think I win that pissing contest hands down Woof.

Or "Smithson" , "Yes my lady" , "would you take my shooting stick and stove that cunnus's head in", "right now your ladyship?" , "Yes fcuking right now" , "sorry your ladyship we can't follow him up a one way street" , "Oh yes we can" , "What about the children" , "Fornicate em!".