womanofdulwich

My answer to question 8 is that for women who do not work but claim beneifts other than child allowance you could take some beneifts away to force them to work but theymight just go on to have more children to stay in that circle ( and I am sure a small number do ). But if you withdrew benefits you would be hurting the children too. When my children were small I would go into school on my days off for the odd morning to help children read. Perhaps the mothers that dont work dont have the skills to do this though? Its a shame that life is so compartmentalised and there cannot be a community type answer.

especially when the week before boss had changed BCA to ABC....

1. Do you want to work (for money, outside the home)? yes because i want money to buy nice things. 2. Do you feel that all women including mothers ought to work for money outside the home? only if they need money and it is financially viable- no point working for money if you have 3 children under 5 years old unless you are on Nicola Horlicks type salary. 3. Do we tend towards health, teaching, social or people oriented types of work because we prefer it or because that is the main option available to us? Most of these jobs are public sector and they are more accommodating for women to work child friendly/flexible hours. 4. Do you think men and women are suited to doing the same types of jobs? There is a tendency but that is all. 5. The unequal representation of women at higher levels of the workforce ? is this a result of unjust discrimination? no because woman generally see their role as mothers and sacrifice their careers to be at home with children. A lot of women do not want the higher level jobs as they have enough to manage out of the workplace. 6. Do you see motherhood as a problem which makes it difficult for you to work? Not a problem a privilege. It is up to each mother to see what works best for her.Being a mother is work, just unpaid. It is not a problem just that you cannot expect everyone else to change to what suits you as a mother, especially as your needs continually change until your children leave home. 7. Do you think the problem of motherhood can be easily fixed by paid childcare subsidised if necessary by the state? There is not a problem with motherhood, cheaper good quality childcare would assist many to work but a lot of women do not want to work. However if women do not do some work once their children are at school they get out of the habit and find they lose their skills and confidence to do so. However working outside of school hours is a huge problem for many parents. 8. Do you think it is up to the state to sort out such matters?Not to sort out such matters as such but they could help enormously by encouraging more women to do some kind of work within school hours once their children are at school. They could force schools to have before and after school care schemes and holiday play schemes. They could withdraw some benefits but this would be very hard and mean that some women had even more children. Many women do not work for 12 -18 years and it is very find for them to find work which is purposeful.

It is illegal to employ an au pair for sole care of babies- or at least if you look at au pair agency web sites - such as "au pair world - it is"-if you think about it they are often 17-19 year olds that have lived at home and now often coming abroad for the first time to improve their english. They have no first aid training they will not know about swimming lessons, one o clock clubs etc etc. If you have to use a nursery and need "wrap around care" then an au pair can help ( as some nurseries keep shorter hours than a working day if you have to travel into the city). Try Simply Childcare website or give them a ring they are terribly helpful. You are not too late at all. Or below for definition of au au pair linkpairs

I think it should be a flat sum and I would ask your nanny what she thinks.If your children sleep through the night and really she is doing a normal babysit and staying on then I think the extra hours of say 12pm to 9am would not be so much more. But if your nanny is leaving her own family /partner behind then may be she would like more. If her partner is staying and you are getting them a takeaway even better.

sorry i think my comments were to siobhamleighhunt not pecan pie. Nothing wrong with tiring them out to keep them quiet though!;-)

my son was also challenging when younger. we did not eat out or go on holiday other than to family or self catering for first 7 years. he was strong and independent. he is 14 now and very capable and has been for the last 3 years motivated,leadership skills good all rounder. His older brother was compliant and I had never smacked him- only threatened. youngest positively relished a smack so that was no good as a tactic. he loved a good set to, and wore me out- but we got there in the end and he is generally a lovely young man that I am proud of. But boy did he put me through it and mean I had to change my parenting pattern and challenge the way i had been raised. he started doing lots of physical things from early age- especially competitive sport which was really good wore him out. i played tennis with him, ball games, cycling, setting out obstacle courses in the garden etc just to wear him out. Team sports were not so good when he was younger but he loved one on one. I am sure this is not a difficulty as such, just a challenge compared to your expectations based on your experience to date. She will go far- much easier to see her as very clever and needing to be challenged than as a problem!!(tu)

a person from overseas can legally do longer than official au pair hours , you just have to pay more. people still call them au pairs but they are often untrained childcarers.they will have no first aid or training in nutrition etc - but what mother does have? they are a cheap alternative.

I think Robert Elms strikes a chord with a lot of us of a certain age that benefitted from a state education and free university ( often being the first in our family). We came out being educated in life as well as academia. We might feel comfortable /uncomfortable in some social spheres ( like the sch! comment, and sometimes our parents attitudes) but we are basically ok and know who we are and where we came from. We love life and what it throws at us and we generalyy LOVE London.

Generally positive, but if not through an agency ( who will/should put them in touch with others) then try really hard to find them some friends. I am having a real problem finding local lessons for mine as she arrived mid term, and lessons are one way of meeting people. She has had to pay ?37 a week for 3 morning sessions in oxford street.PLus fares that takes a pot out of her pay. Try and make it clear when she is "off duty".

Strongly advise against some of the metal ones. it is really noisy to be on the bottom bunk if the person on the top bunk turns over.

when making spag bol etc i finely cut veg into that and lentils, chick peas etc. you could do a similar dish with quorn which i have done for vegetarians but I know some vegetarian think quorn is too "meatish"

try the simply childcare web site asap.advertise there and search too. term time only would suit a lot of carers.Good luck.

i parked on a street near the seafront for free last weekend, and as it was so cold there was plenty of parking.

if you banned private schools some people would band together and home educate/tutor at home etc. The affluent and most determined will always find a way.

i completely agree PEckham Rose, Whitstable is closest but Thanet nicer. However there is a lovely strip of shingle at WHitstable and you can be surrounded by kite surfers and that is quite exciting. They look a bit like the milk tray man when they are all lycred up and land on the beach in front of you;-)

we went to whitstable last sunday . m20, a289 to the a2 to whitstable. took 1 hr 20 mins.

the cycle track at herne hill have some brilliant courses

That is economic poverty. I am not talking just economic poverty.

Lordship Lovely, did you form a bond with the project you worked on? is it long lasting or more a tick box move on thing ( sorry, I don't mean it quite as cruelly as that- but is it just an eye opener, or more of a long term involvement? raising awareness etc? Did you feel you were being exploited at all - or even that you were exploiting others? or maybe one can't tell? I cannot help thinking my own children have a bit of an easy life here, whilst there is poverty a few miles away that they are not really exposed to and/or dismissive of. I would prefer them to spend time here understanding how our society does not work and appreciate what they have, but that is not the sexy travel to Africa etc. In these days of green lifestyles/ airmiles etc I am confused as to what message we are giving out.

Jeremy- in answer to your question- not my children- but friends have asked on behalf of their children. I am just not sure what this all leads to. They only ask for money when they are doing something which is "volunteering" usually to a third world country. At one time it was they worked hard and went off travelling. Now there is a growing trend to go on projects and I am not sure who benefits from them. I was wondering how much of this money really helps and who it helps? I wonder if the projects they are involved in could be done by people who live there any way and someone is lining their pockets along the way? If the post gap children come back and have some life long commitment to raise awareness to wherever they were then that would make sense. I am sorry I don't think I made myself clear to begin with. It is not the affording the money so much as what actually happens to it that I am unsure of.

Thanks Steve T. I am so pleased your daughter worked beforehand to do this-this is what I thought a gap year used to be. What did she think about it? would she recommend it? A long time ago you could do VSO when you graduated ( or maybe before). Now there are a lot of Gap Year companies that come into schools selling their wares ( Pay to volunteer at hospitals, zoos etc). I would be particularly interested to know about these.Which is what my first post was really angling at.

Perhaps some of you are unaware of the ?2k plus companies that take children to third world countries. Perhaps you have never been approached by these teenagers and their parents. I think the tone of some of these posts are completely uncalled for. It is not a criticism I just don't know how good these "experiences" are.

What is this all about? Why are children/parents spending ?2K plus together to go to other countries ? what do the children get out of? what do the countries get out of it? and is someone in the middle making a heck of a lot of money out of it? I an genuinely unsure about this. I am often asked to give these children money to do this but I am not sure what it goes to? Would it be more beneficial if these children did something in this country- kids and co etc ( may be they do not have the skills needed)?What does everyone else think ? especially if you have been yourself. Do you develop a relationship with wherever you were and continue to go there / raise money/awareness?

a little bit off but we went from herne hill/elephant to farringdon, then the tube round to paddington and then train. less than 1.5 hours.( 8.47 from herne hill etc etc)