weddings regrets?

[Sally81]

I am pondering my 'big day' and frankly i just feel like grabbing a couple of witnesses and getting married without any fuss. Love my man to bits and vice versa, can't be doing with the hassle. I just can't please 'em all, it seems.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice?

Did you have a big fussy wedding and regret it, or vice versa?

[felt-tip]

everytime the lady and I start discussing our plans for our wedding day we just crumble under apathy... think we are the same as you guys - just want something small and chilled. Just do it - let me know if you have any regrets!

[peckhamboy]

Doesn't everyone regret it sooner or later?

[hibbs]

I see from a previous thread you are a journalist, I don't suppose this has to do with a story you are researching by any chance...of course apologies if it's not.

[Sally81]

NO. I knew someone would say that. Journalists have lives too you know and contrary to rumour, some of us are actually really nice...so yep, someone does actually want to marry me!! Jeez...I'll never be able to post here again!

[Twirly]

Do exactly what you want, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks is my advice (been married almost 6 months now).

There are probably tiny things that I'd have done differently (such as telling hubby that he was supposed to walk into the wedding breakfast with me, not rush in ahead of everyone else and sit there expectantly waiting to be fed!), but nothing major.

Are you getting much interference from families?

[felt-tip]

didnt realise you were a journo... i feel used.

[Keef]

We just wanted a good party, so that's what we had, and it was great. Genuinely couldn't care less if we didn't please everyone, the bride and groom had a great day.

[Sally81]

Ha,ha....bless your hubby! Men and food eh?

Interference in the sense that it all seems to be hard work for everyone, whatever I put to them.

We're actually having our first baby in Jan, so have decided that we'd like to do it asap. When I first mentioned this everyone said 'do whatever, we'll be there by hook or by crook'.

We're only thinking of a registry office ceremony and a pub lunch!! I suggested a date five weeks away from now to most of my nearest and dearest today to cries of 'can't take a day off in the week' and 'little Johnny has a docs appointment the next morning' and a 'it's not much notice'

It's five weeks notice for a day which involves standing in a registry office for half and hour and then going for some decent lunch!

Am I being unreasonable??

[Sally81]

by the way...when someone posts on here, do others do a quick search to see what they have posted on before??? Strange.

Keef....your advice, as ever, is spot on! I'm seething and have decided to really not give a toss.

[Twirly]

You'd have thought that would be fairly reasonable, but some people have work commitments they can't shift, and others can't be bothered. Do as you want - those who want to be there will be, those who want to be but can't will send their best wishes (and probably a nice pressie!), and those that grumble that it's inconvenient for them, well, do you really want them there?

The thing is, if you put it off to accomodate the grumblers, you'll either be so huge that you won't want to do it, or you'll put it off till after the little one arrives, and then may never get around to it. It's you and OH who are getting wed - it's nice if your guests can make it, but it's not 100% vital.

[JamesG]

Do your own thing.

Don't let anyone other than the lucky man stick their oars into your plans.

Step back every couple of hours (by yourself anf with your man) and look at your wedding and your guests, (be outside the goldfish bowl, you will love what and who you see and it helps with the memories)

[Ladymuck]

Well, when we got married we had little dosh to spare. Plus my bigoted/racist father didn't approve of my potential husband and told the remainder of my family that if any of them attended that he would leave. So, we simply booked Brixton Registry Office, took half a day off work and attended with the two legally required witnesses. Then we went back to work. No fuss. No party. No honeymoon. No photos either. If I recall, the whole event cost us ?30! But, getting married is the best/most sensible thing I have ever done in my life. And to be honest, apart from perhaps having no photos, I don't regret going without all the trimmings. Saved us a packet, and prevented us from getting into debt.

Do what the hell you fancy! And good luck to the two of you.

[Sally81]

Yep. Thanks Twirly and JamesG. You're both very right and have helped calm me down. Thank you.

[Jah Lush]

Do what you want. Don't let anyone intervene. It's your day after all. Hope it all works out well for you. Good luck.

[computedshorty]

Sally.

Do it now, you have friends that will be willing to make your day memorable dont go for a quiet day let those close to you be involved and join in the arangements. Plenty of Photo's. If it is possible now do it.

We were aged 29 when we got married at St Clement Church Friern Road a newly rebuilt church, the reception at St Thomas Hall in Lordship Lane near Basano Street, a dark and dismal Hall, the pictures are black and white, so no great keepsake there.

So now we have been married for fifty years, still just the two of us with our memories.

[Loz]

The missus and I wanted to be married - the getting married bit was incidental. We held the wedding with immediate family only - ceremony in a lovely garden setting by the river on the edge of Perth, Aus, with a boat trip back to the city (laden with drinks) with dinner at a nice restaurant for all. Simple, but the best day ever with minimal organisation and didn't cost a lot, either.

I've never seen the point of spending tens of thousands to feed and water a bunch of people you only invited because you felt you had to. And as for the standard wedding speech malarkey - no thanks. No best man, no bridesmaids - just me, the missus and our nearest and dearest. Perfect.

[Curmudgeon]

go abroad (but not sandy beach) - Italy is nice

invite the people you really want because it's abroad so far to come

those that really want to be there will make the effort - those that don't won't because it's abroad

costs less as well and you get fabulous food

(we got married in Florence - was gorgeous and perfect)

[The Minkey]

"So now we have been married for fifty years, still just the two of us with our memories."

Congratulations :-)

[Mick Mac]

Well said ladymuck. Very nice post.

Sally. The guests that do make the effort you should treat as friends. Those who dont bother coming, then you can decide if you ever need to make an effort for them in future. Whatever happens enjoy the day yourselves as it is your day.

[steveo]

Elope

[Sally81]

Thank you all...genuinely. Really well put, well received advice.

We just want to be married and I would nip down the reg office now if I could.

Ladymuck, your day sounds perfect and good on you.

All of you have made me feel better after a horrible day of feeling very upset! A row with my so called 'best friend' really made me wonder how she is actually a friend at all and I think at the end of all this I will be married to the man I love and hopefully cleansed of some rather miserable, selfish people.

Thanks all.

Oh and Computedshorty...congratulations...and what wonderful memories they must be.

[bluntlaser]

Having been married for all of a week(!) I can really empathise with your thoughts. Our wedding... in the end.. did end up being really fab; we had 70 of our closest friends and family and yes we had a really great time. BUT I have to admit we many many times said that we wished we had just gone off and got married and then just had a big party afterwards. We're pretty relaxed people and we still found it stressful and so expensive. we mistakenly thought our parents would be upset if we just disappeared and did it - boy were we wrong!! And so as good as it was - I'm more excited about actually being married than i have been about the big day & surely that's the point!?!

So in short - really think about what you want. Will you regret doing it with no one else being part of it or do you have people who you would love to have as part of your day? I too had a humdinger with my best friend who couldn't make the wedding (we had to rearrange after my husband's mum had a stroke earlier in the year and she said i should have checked wih her first before we agreed the new date - bearing in mind it was the only date our venue, photographer and caterers could all do & at no extra cost!!) but we sorted it out and it's fine...

but anyway... i'm sure you'll make the best decision and congratulations!! whatever you decide to do it will be fantastic i'm sure :))

[paragon]

Defo do whatever you want; short notice wedding might mean some people can't come but all the most important people will make it there one way or another be it sickie, babysitters etc etc.

You don't list the details of your row with you best mate but I do know that sometimes it can be a very emotional time and your friend might have thought she was trying to help and it spiralled out of control.

We considered having our reception upstairs in the EDT (The lodge). I thought it was a really cool space and would make a great cheap reception pleace.

[zeban]

Ditto all the other posters. Do exactly what you want. One of my best friends got married without telling a soul. Some of her friends were pleased for her. Other friends were pissed off. But she learnt that they musn't have been very good friends in the first place if they didn't understand that a marriage and therefore a wedding is really between two people. As long as you're happy, your friends should be too, instead of trying to make it about them.

Loz, your wedding sounds like it was perfect :)