Getting to know you

[Peckwich]

BJL Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I don't know for sure what date I was actually

> born on.

My birth certifate shows I was born a day before I thought I was and I have a different (but similar) first name! I only found this out when I was in my 20's. I can't be a twin unless my parents hid the wrong birth certificate...

[Ladymuck]

Just a bit of "name-dropping"...but, I've sat NEXT to Sandy Gall (you'd have to be a certain age to remember him) on the plane, I've sat BEHIND Sandy Gall on the plane (separate occasion), I've sat opposite Brynsly Ford of Aswad at Warsaw Airport, I've sat behind Felicity Kendal at the theatre, and I've stood at the bar next to Susan Hampshire at Sadlers Wells. And as to some fame of my own? I once won some tickets on Capital Radio for the theatre and I was once pulled up on stage by a comedian to assist with his sketch (can't remember who he was though - age it's a curse)! And have been on TV (v. briefly) twice (Graham Norton Show) and Graham Norton took the piss out of my (seriously dirty) laugh.

[Jah Lush]

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Kenyan refugees, I write award-winning operas, and manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I had trials with Manchester United Football Club and am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics Worldwide swoon over my original line of Corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have appeared on ?Through the Keyhole? and won the Nobel Peace prize. Last summer I toured Eastern Europe with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration. I run the 100m in 9.65 seconds. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on holiday in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.

The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only some vegetables and a Breville toaster. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis but I have never been to Bluewater.

[Moos]

Bliss!

Jah, you are a prince among men. Can't think of anything about that post I didn't love, but I have to admit in particular that "I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru" left me feeling a bit swoony.

[Muley]

Cool, JL.

Can you help me get the lid off this jar of pickled onions- it's a bit stiff...

[Brendan]

Oh you should go, it?s wonderful. You can go to River Island and then across to a Starbucks all while under neon lights and listening to piped music. It will make everything else you?ve done pale in significance.

[Muley]

By the way, your thoughts on stucco as opposed to modern acrylic-based renders would be greatly appreciated.

[bigbadwolf]

"I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Kenyan refugees, I write award-winning operas, and manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I had trials with Manchester United Football Club and am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics Worldwide swoon over my original line of Corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have appeared on ?Through the Keyhole? and won the Nobel Peace prize. Last summer I toured Eastern Europe with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration. I run the 100m in 9.65 seconds. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on holiday in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.

The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only some vegetables and a Breville toaster. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis but I have never been to Bluewater."

A good touch up of Hugh Gallagher's application to the University of New York Jah. You nearly had me.

[Ted Max]

It was a submission to a comic writing prize, not a real admission letter, Wolf.

But I'm sure Jah can invoke the T.LS defence here. It was so obviously cribbed that it was never meant to be taken as his and therefore can't be plagiarism.

Plus he's one of the non-existent in-crowd and therefore immune.

[ratty]

A) Four jobs I've had in my life.

Insurance Claims Officer, Internal Auditor, Manager of Hostel for Homeless People, Manager of Substance Misuse Team

B) Movies I repeatedly watch.

Shawshank, Starsky & Hutch, LOTR Trilogy, Star Wars

C) Four places I've lived.

Southsea, Peckham, Little Venice, ED

D) Four television shows I watch.

Corrie, MOTD, The Simpsons, Masterchef

E) Four places I've been on holiday.

Naxos, Cuba, Dublin, Majorca

F) Websites I visit daily.

EDF, PompeyOnline, DABR (Twitter client), Facebook

G) Four of my favourite foods.

Cottage Pie, Roast Lamb, Spag Bol, Burgers

H) Four places I'd rather be right now.

Naxos, Pompey, Goa, Home!

[HAL9000]

That was a bit naughty JL. When would you have owned up if BBW hadn't blown the whistle?

I was on to you immediately, mind: as soon as I read, "I have performed several covert operations for the CIA." As a former agent I know that no real agent would ever make such an admission on a forum ? you can fool some of the people ?. but not me!

[Moos]

*shocked*

[bigbadwolf]

Yes,it was shocking.

Anyway, apart from that...

What's the most shocking thing you've discovered about neighbours (not friends), who you thought you knew?

[Jah Lush]

FFS isn't plagarism the highest form of flattery. See what I did there.

[Brendan]

I hardly ever get flattered for plagiarism.

[Brendan]

Or flattened by plagiary for that matter.

[computedshorty]

?