LOL Posts

[SeanMacGabhann]

Another gem from the Max'ster

[charliecharlie]

Still reeling with impressed-ness of the mighty Moos on high

You get the gold star Moos

Brilliant, don't know how I missed it first time

[Mark]

Spoken like a true politician:

Posted by: *Bob* Today, 10:28AM

There are many problems we face in this world, but jazz is not the answer.

[Keef]

I liked that one too (tu)

[HonaloochieB]

David Carnelli - Human Classical Statue

Posted by: Michael Palaeologus Today, 10:33AM

As Spring commences and Summer comes into view, the weather improves and the sun shines through the leaves creating dappled patterns on the lawns and hearts of East Dulwich.

Minds turn to al fresco parties and barbecues.

I have attended many of these events and have often felt that there is something lacking. A cultural void in what is otherwise a lovely afternoon of grilled bangers, cold Pinot in plastic cups and gently broiling human skin.

What is needed is one significant element that will transport your otherwise mundane suburban party to ancient Greece or Rome. Lift your guests from Croxted Road to the Coloseum, from Crystal Palace Road to the Parthenon:

Rent yourself -- DAVID CARNELLI, HUMAN CLASSICAL STATUE

Many people have commented on David Carnelli's similarity to the young Apollo and so building on this amazing likeness David has kindly decided to offer his services to the community as a live decorative fixture.

His services can be delivered in a number of ways:

1 - The static statue. David can stay still for up to 20 minutes at a time, moving between classical poses, gazing into the distance, silent yet commanding

2 - The reciting statue. David can recite from classical literature, in your actual Greek or Latin if required, entertaing your guests with the enormity of his declamation

3 - The nude statue. For those with specialist tastes. Please note that David is fully depilated; if you require the more natural look, 6 weeks notice is required

4 - The human fountain. Please supply ample quantities of Evian mineral water to keep him topped up.

5. - The athlete. David can perform like an ancient Greek Olympian. Its a quite a sight.

Many Forumites will vouch for David's flexibility and imagimation, if you have any particular requests please do not hesitate to contact:

Palaeologus Promotions

Stall 14

North Cross Road Agora

Funny funny stuff from MP. The only April Fool's 'gag' to work. Took me in completely.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

From the Karavan thread, by ontheedge:

I would like to buy an eastern European country which ones are you selling as I intend to set up an independent anarchist state for those of a sensitive nature, there will be no banks I will just take everyone's money, it will be pram free and there will be no nick knack shops, there will be no variety of food or people so no complaints. Everyone will be between 25 -35 so let me know quick so utopia can be in sight and we can stop the moaning on here for those who don't fit into said categories

Thank you

[Moos]

From the 'What Paper Do You Read' thread (which, amazingly, I had to resurrect from page 5!) Laughed out loud several times.

???? Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> The Guardian's a new labour rag

I can cope with a bias in papers, thats not a problems for me.

Its the jewel encrusted literary turd at the top of the Tony parsons & Julie Myerson shit heap. Awful handwringing, simpering, unoriginal, reactionary cod left poop sheet for the smug earnest pushy @#$%& who make my every living minute seem like a lifetime in the burning heat of my own bespoke agnostic hell

The saturday issue has extremes - It has the Guide, an pocket sized handy entertainment guide that I find both original & invaluable. It also has the magazine - which each week seems to be a shopwcase for the winners of the most numbingly dull yet most annoying columnists of the year - it makes the ES magazine seem like a @#$%&' seminal agitptop revolutionary tome

[ruffers]

From the Swine Flu in SE22 thread -

Re: Swine Flu in SE22

Posted by: ???? Today, 07:42PM

Allfornun will be going up the wall with indignation....

------------------------

I lol'd

[Keef]

I shall be forced to bombard the site with more text speak! :p

pls dnt

WF

Really made me chuckle, good work.

[mockney piers]

SMG: "Lot's of people saying they would like the perks

Lot's of people saying they would do a better job

...

I think I see a way forward people"

Ted Max:"Draw Lot's?"

[HonaloochieB]

Brendan Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> HellNoHellYeah Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > I heard a lot of people are actually engaging

> in

> > whoring on the side to make ends meet!!

>

>

>

> I can't see how wasting one's money on prostitutes

> will help.

Did actually laugh out loud at this one. Nice work Brenda.

[jumpinjackflash]

SNORKY:

I pay ?6 quid in Peckham to my Cypriot stylists,who dont smoke. which is a bit cheaper.I do look like a coconut afterwards though.

I read this whilst been on hold on the phone - I was cracking up when my call was finally picked up and couldn't stop giggling to the operator who must have thought I was mad.

[GSJ57]

The entire 'Lunch at the Vale' thread - classic!

[Brendan]

Lenk on the, scaring the fuck out of visitors thread: ?It's a good place to drink a pint of adequately-gassed lager without being disgusted or deflowered?

[ruffers]

Excellent work here from ???? from the Police On St Aidans Road thread -

Posted by: EmmaG Yesterday, 05:11PM

Does anyone know why there were a group of about four or five police officers hanging out on St Aidan's this afternoon?

Posted by: ???? Yesterday, 05:56PM

Crackdown on Curtain Twitchers

[*Bob*]

Posted by: adoodledo Today, 10:49AM

I have found this penalty charge letter on Lordship lane about half an hour ago. I have put in the post box.

[woofmarkthedog]

*Bob* Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Posted by: adoodledo Today, 10:49AM

>

> I have found this penalty charge letter on

> Lordship lane about half an hour ago. I have put

> in the post box.

Yes I too dampened my pants reading that one.

W**F

[HonaloochieB]

jaybee82 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I wouldn't mind incorporating some activities into

> the proceedings. A few below:

>

> Hungry Hippos with James Brown

> Oriental Cookery with Mike Reid

> Zorbing with Peter Sellers

> 'Knock Down Ginger' with Jimi Hendrix

> Paintballing with Bob Marley

> Unicycling with Andre The Giant

It was Knock Down Ginger' with Jimi hendrix that did it for me.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

TedMax:

Some posts can be redacted. Which makes me ████.

[HonaloochieB]

Louisa Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I used my hooter in shear anger and annoyance at

> the arrogance of this evil cyclist. I am not one

> to usually hold a grudge, but if this so and so

> crosses my path again I wont hesitate to open my

> mouth. Bloody sod! I personally think that all

> cyclists should be made more accountable for their

> actions on the road. They use it just as much as

> every other vehicle and yet pay nothing towards

> the up keep. Make them pay road tax and give them

> identity plates so we can make them more

> accountable for their actions. Godamnit'

>

> Louisa.

My dears I sat back on my haunches and simply bayed with laughter...

[annaj]

*Bob* has been on good form generally, but this.....

To be honest they might as well dispense with the formalities, wheel-on an enormous phallus at the start of the show for them to intermittently gawp at, and then spend the next hour drinking sweet white wine and flicking through 'Heat' whilst they get their hair done.

on the subject of Loose Women (the daytime show, not just loose women generally) was particularly good and gave me a much needed laugh at the end of an utterly crappy day.

Thanks *Bob*

[Mick Mac]

You seem clinically disinhibited so just run naked , we all know you're single and a bit of a c*ck so you wont embarrass anybody will you ?

27 posts & all your cards on the table....good work !

W**F

What a great line - and I hope Davy took it as humour, or he'll be looking for you at the next EDF drinks.

[bigbadwolf]

Yeah Woof was firing on all cylinders yesterday. He shot me down in flames with a gem on the Novels thread that induced a good belly laugh.

[HonaloochieB]

Ted Max Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Loose Women = admiring The Stig for his advanced

> driving skills and ability to nurture novice

> drivers.

>

> Top Gear = fantasising about The Stig taking you

> roughly from behind in the back of the Liana with

> his helmet on.

Closely followed by

bigbadwolf Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Loose women = Kebab dressed as Mutton.

>

> Top Gear = Father dressed as Son.

[Keef]

@#$%& @#$%& shit @#$%& why can't I @#$%& swear.

post script - I can say shit? Really? Tony/Steve - you're shit.