Anything to declare?

[bigbadwolf]

This is another topic that I feel deserves some serious discussion.

Ever since I was young I've been spellbound by things that I'm not allowed to have, be it a box of matches or a nuclear weapon. When I was young my parents would save up for us to go on holiday and on some occasions we were lucky enough to go abroad, usually on the continent. These excersions would expose me to utopia of contraband and I would try my hardest to engage in my favourite hobby;

Smuggling

Smuggling is entrenched in our history as a nation whether it's the finest french brandy or the latest rude playing cards drifting their merry way past the divs at her majesties customs and excise.

Anyway,

During my youth and to this day I've upheld the tradition of smuggling. I've brought back everything from flick knives to the most potent Cannabis seeds imaginable. It got so bad that my parents would often search my luggage before we made our way back home. I once tried to import a beanbag gun/riot control device but it was intercepted and I was royally f.cked over by the customs men.

What have you lot sneaked into the country.

(Moved to the Lounge as it is not a current affair or topic relevant for the Drawing Room - The Administrator)

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Can't help thinking this would be better off in The Lounge.

However, my friend smuggled poteen from Ireland to UK in a Madonna shaped holy water bottle.

A chap I knew whose leg was blown off by a land mine had a prosthetic one fitted. He learned to fly and regularly smuggled bottles of brandy from France to UK in the fake leg.

[matthew123]

Perhaps BBW is still unable to start new threads in Lounge and so had Admin unwittingly smuggle it in!!

[????]

I'm awaiting BBW's thread on 'Masturbation' in the Drawing Room

[SeanMacGabhann]

I would suggest that if BBW wants to be re-admitted to Lounge posts, starting non-Drawing Room topics in the DR isn't the best way to do it

[Easties EL]

Vegemite into every country possible. B)

[Windom]

the usual accidental hash from the Dam, i blame it on a big coat with many pockets and a somewhat forgetful state....

[Brendan]

Way more than my allowed quota of wine every time I fly back from South Africa.

[Ted Max]

It doesn't count if it's inside your body at the time.

[Brendan]

Try explaining that to the HM customs officers on the gate at Heathrow for the 11:30 from Bogota.

[Huguenot]

I smuggled 10 kilos of Stinking Bishop into Beijing in my suitcase.

Not one of my finest moments, it cost me two suits and half my favourite wardrobe.

[Jah Lush]

Lighters, flick knives and cigarettes as a kid and later I'd smuggle drugs into whatever country I was visiting for a holiday, usually pills or powders of the upwardly direction and maybe a bit of weed.

On the first occasion my friends and I bottled it before we went through Customs on our way to Spain and so we each took what was supposed to be a fortnight's supply of blues (speed) in one hit before we got on the plane.

Speeding off my tits, eyes bulging, gurning like a lunatic, very drunk and sweating profusely I was stopped at Customs. I thought this is it, finger up the arse time but they only wanted to double check my passport which was a yearly one and then after a quick once over I was let through. Phew! Was up for days afterwards though.

[bigbadwolf]

Good show Jah, I knew I could count on you.

I don't think I'd go as far as smuggling class A drugs as I'd probably get carried away and find myself banged up in some Venezuelan prison where my arsehole would be routinely butchered by all the prison guards.

I prefer interesting stuff such as exotic weapons. I heard a story once about my dad who in the mid 80's overloaded a 4x4 to such an extent that the front wheels struggled to maintain contact with the road since the back seats were stacked up with stella and plonk.

[rememberwhen]

Not quite on topic because it was not smuggled, but as a kid I was on holiday in Majorca. During this holiday I had collected several sets of matchboxes. Each set of 40 was of things like flags of the world, breeds of dogs, etc.

End of holiday, into suitcase they go. All full of non safety matches!

Well we all survived , despite the potential bomb in the plane's hold.

[Andystar]

Flick knives in a tuba, a few boxes of Coca leaf tea from Colombia, I distracted them by taking a 24 pack of beer onto the plane. Sharks' jaws for my dear lil brother. My mum smuggled a bow + arrows & a vcr once & some awesome chilli pepper seeds for me. (not at the same time tho )

[woofmarkthedog]

I have a friend who when we goes skiing loves the "white powder" so much he carefully un peels a couple of pot noodle lids and laces them with "it" then carefully superglues lid down again.( method 1 )

He also being a very dubious sort mostly drives to France to ski, the on the cheap/ younger passenger/mule generally unwittingly gets his kit laced somehow ( usually ski poles ) prior to leaving.

Funnily everyone eagerly awaits their arrival at the resort, the new boy is pale as a ghost when the contraband is unpacked.

W**F

*BTW this is not a confessional by proxy*

[Ian Kelly]

NOT for the timid

On ski holiday? Bring several pairs of skis (race stock) A pair of foam core slalom skis hollowed from tip to tail with a plastic tube fitted in place. The contraband tubes terminate into the base material which is simply cut open with a razor and replugged with the ptex base material after filling. Both skis (pair) are constructed in the same fashion so their weight would not throw an eye of suspicion. We have inventory of current model year skis "cored" and will consider a reasonable trade for services provided or will sell contra-custom skis outright - CASH ONLY

PM for details if interested, also offering conversion services for your equipment, vehicle, etc.

current passport and free time available for hire

Ian Kelly Courier Services

[woofmarkthedog]

Can these "custom" ski's get through Jamacian customs with out raising suspicion ?

If so I'll have a couple of pairs and fill them with top grade Cocaine (don't tell anyone my plan).

Sounds absolutely foolproof!....as a bit of research what is the skiing actually like in Kingston town ?

Just in case "sods law" I get a pull.

W**F

[Andystar]

woofmarkthedog Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Can these "custom" ski's get through Jamacian

> customs with out raising suspicion ?

>

> If so I'll have a couple of pairs and fill them

> with top grade Cocaine (don't tell anyone my

> plan).

>

>

> Sounds absolutely foolproof!....as a bit of

> research what is the skiing actually like in

> Kingston town ?

>

> Just in case "sods law" I get a pull.

>

>

> W**F

Maybe you can get a hollowed out bobsled??

http://http//ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51YSTS8RDVL._SL500_AA240_.jpg

[Cassius]

Cannabis in rum from Barbados - then you have cannabis infused rum and when you've dried the leaves out you have rum-infused cannabis - not done by me but by my ex fil.

[Ian Kelly]

Discussion of illegal contraband is foolish in open forum. I can only suggest a stay over in Nassau/Freeport for duty free shopping. Remember it is mid winter in south american this time of year. Detailed discussion is really a conversation best had in pm.

Ian

[woofmarkthedog]

Ian......*Ahem*..

Are you related to Ned Kelly ? by chance.

W**F

Ps. I need a stowage silo, say 3000 m underground x about say 200m round,lead lined with a satellite connection. To store a "BIG POINTY THING* in. Are you able to help?

[Ian Kelly]

If you have the ?, I have the resources. How deep is your wallet?

[daizie]

how hard is your love

[woofmarkthedog]

daizie Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> how hard is your love

---------------------------------

Dazie, this is a sensible conversation between me and "Ian 007 Kelly"

He may have hard love but let the business flow here "sweetheart"

W**F