susyp

just got back from the other class we tried which was entirely charming and wonderful, teacher and children smiled all the way through and was full of lovely stories, and wands etc! Unfortunately the timings meant my daughter eating her lunch in the car and literally being thrown in the school gate so I don;t think it's going to work out timewise, poor love was shattered. I suggested we do "ballet mornings" at home based on the class today and she seemed quite up for that. Hoping the one today has expunged the memories from Wednesday a little - she was brilliant, and it was longer - 40 mins rather than 30. Interestingly taught by a former nanny - and the children could wear any costume they wanted so was really quite a lovely sight. No ballet mums in sight either - just normal people! Susypx

well i think the point i was making was that the teacher was not keeping the class flowing enough - we do a couple of other classes and my daughter concentrates well. I have just sent the ballet school head a ten point list of why the teacher is hopeless (and threatened to post it on netmums) and she has refunded me the full term. I must be mad, but I don't want my daughter to have to stop doing ballet because of one bad experience (fair enough if she doesn;t like it but i really don't think that's the problem), so we are trying another class tomorrow, which by the sound of it is less about "ballet" and more about "magical dancing" (run by a ballet teacher who is also a former nanny!) which sounds more fun. And then come easter I may be able to drop it without my daughter feeling that she has done wrong.... As I did make a big deal if it, it is only in retrospect that I realised she had just been a bit bored and not naughty at all - it was just everyone elses reaction that made me feel that - so I am really ashamed of myself - learning curve again! Would ideally like to have summer free of classes to play outside - but I can't bear going to the playground in this weather. We don't do anything after school and have two mornings a week completely free aside from the occasional playdate (and quite chilled out weekends) so I'm hoping I'm not doing the "overscheduling" thing. We've always done loads, I couldn't bear to be a SAHM and literally stay at home all day. And afternoon nursery rather curtails nice days out. Susypx ps I've read The Slap. Brilliant book. And I really hope I am nothing like that little boys parents!

otta that's my husband's pov - he wants to go back next week just to shout back at the mother!

thank you for all your support. Feeling much better today. I'm looking around for other ballet classes but I do however think we are doing too much - feel like I am constantly racing around - so need to find a way to drop the ballet thing without my daughter thinking it is her fault as i did make quite a big thing about her behaviour once we got home - so not entirely sure what to do, thinking on it....!! The other thing I want to do is get the next half term refunded without resorting to threatening to post negative comments on netmums (or not making it quite so obvious that I am threatening!!!). susyx

i think what has upset me is that I got caught up in when actually i knew she was just being a little (very) annoying rather than naughty. Now want to find a way out of doing this class without my daughter thinking it is down to her behaviour - so may have to see out the term - am on the hunt for another more light weight class though and then a campaign to get the fees back from this one! Thanks cuppa tea your post makes me feel a lot better. I can't believe how seriously the other mothers were all taking it. Susypx

i had this problem. the only thing I have learnt in hindsight is that had I always removed her from whereever when she was rough - ie go home - she may have learnt not to do it again. Had a biting thing earlier this year and she did at at a friend's BBQ and I was so mad I took her straight home and put her to bed at 5pm - leaving all her friends. She never did it again - after a year of rough behaviour - I wished I'd done it before. Still not there on the behaviour front (I have another post on this issue up!) but at least she isn't rough anymore! I think some children are more prone to it. At least he is a boy. The looks I used to get with a girl doing it .... Susypx

Hi Claire thanks for your message yes I did just see it as normal behaviour . She loves elements of the clas but I think it is slow and in parts the teacher loses her. I have been through periods (when she was 2) when she would be very rough and to be honest if she is just being silly but nice to other kids I don't tend to get too upset, it's all relative. Plus when she came out I did tell her off - the others heard me - but this woman still thought she had to put her tuppence worth in. I have in the past told off other children if they have hurt my daughter - as you say I really think that's the only situation you tell off other children, esp if their parents do nothing. No she wasn't upsetting other children, just being very showoffy and silly (irritating!). Susypx

The mums aren't in the class, we sit outside. The teacher runs the class. She wasn't being horrendous- always did what she was told , just with the addition of silly faces, things like that. It was all a bit slow I think, problem is I have paid for a term, plus my daughter does love it - woke me up at 5am the other day to show me her arabesque (she wanted to know what it was called). The other mums are not the friendliest bunch so I don't massively care when they get pissed off. They sit there discussing skiing holidays. Susypx

Just wanted to vent here as I'm having a bit of a low point this afternoon.... My 3 1/2 year old daughter is quite a live wire. We hardly went to groups at all when she was 2 as she could be so rough and disruptive. I have worked out that when she is bored, or not focused, she tends to be a bit of a handful.... She started nursery at our local school in September - again, there were a few issues but the teacher was briliant and now has her well in hand - did things like sat her at the front of the class (so she would concentrate) etc etc. She is the youngest in the class and we are both now very pleased with her behaviour. This term we started gymnastics and ballet before school. Gymnastics is 45 mins, I watch, she is great. Ballet is half an hour, I watch, the teacher seems to have no handle on how to teach her and as a result today she really messed around - taking about half the class with her. All the other mums watching got really pissed off - and one of them actually shouted at my daughter as she came out. I'm so shocked. She was just being silly really, showing off - nothing terrible - just intensely irritating. I just spoke to her school class teacher about it and she said she really is fine at school But I can't believe someone shouted at her! I was so shocked I didn't respond at all. So now I;m really annoyed at myself. I just spoke to the ballet school head and we are now going to try her in a class after school, where there are less children in the class (same teacher though). Although part of me thinks I should go back to the same class and tell this woman where to go..... Susypx

hi Bebe, I've been watching your posts with interest as your experience is so similar to what happened with me - i echo straws - check if its cows milk - causes major colic and pain. my daughter screamed all night unless i was stroaking her tummy - had awful first 6 months - she is now on neocate. It is very common. Also my daughter was always a healthy weight despite a serious allergy. Most children grow out of it by a year - she still has it however and is 3 1/2 but it's not a big deal now really x susypx

thank you everyone. what an amazing place this forum is. in the end i called the police last night as I was so worried about him. they caught up with him and i think we will both get some help now. I'm posting this so that anyone reading it in a similar situation knows that they can go to the police and although the police have to act on the information it doesn't necessarily lead to an arrest and a charge. But I was getting no-where calling helplines and now I do seem to have found a course of action for us both, whether it be individually or together. I have no idea what I will do in the long term, can only take it one day at a time. Thanks again, it's very inspiring to know there are so many good and kind people out there, makes everything a bit easier to cope with. I probably won't post again as I've think I've taken up plenty of attention on here but I do hope that by doing so it's possibly helped someone else to act as well. It's very hard to think of a way out of a situation like this. Susypx

Thank you everyone for all the messages. I have spoken to a friend and so now in many ways there is no going back. She was appalled. So even if I did take him back, she knows, and I can't hide away from it. He is texting me now saying all sorts of things that make me worry for his safety. I don't know whether I should call the police, or what I can do. I just want him to go to a hotel and be safe. He has no family he is close to , and no friends. Susypx

Thank you everyone, I think I just needed to say it out loud and seek some opinions. I love him because I know why he is the way he is, he's had a helluva life, and then his wife goes and gets breast cancer! But sounds weird, I was awake all of lsat night thinking about Kate Winslet on that Caribbean island with her 2 children - thinking what bliss it would be if I could just leave with my daughter and be a single parent like her and have no financial worries. I would love to be able to leave. If I had the security I would have left, many many months ago. Yes I miss him already but mainly I just want to be able to provide that stable life, and I am just not sure I will, with no job, or with a job and then never seeing my daughter. I am not worried about the parenting pressures so much (although I don't dismiss them), as to be honest I do most of the parenting anyway, hence why I am perhaps controlling - but my husband has been so impatient with her recently. My counsellor was great and I am seeing her again in the autumn but she is NHS funded for cancer patients and this is slightly different. But I will be able to tell her about it now. I know that my husband is suffering and I just want to force him to get some help. He has agreed to start counselling in 2 weeks - but from my own experience I know that it takes a long time to get better, in fact it gets worse before it gets better and I am just not sure I can live with him through that. I just wish I knew he had gone somewhere safe, as far as I know it he is hurtling down the M4 to a his mum's now derelict house in Wales. He is my daughter's father after all. Basically I have no idea where to start now and what to do. What decided me was my daughter's scream as I was pulled across the bathroom - and then she cried - mummy did that hurt. was heartbreaking and I know it's not right. I just wish he would stop. His mother had breast cancer and died a few years back, my counsellor said that part of him would hate her for it, and I feel that he hates me now for having got it too. Often in arguments he says - you brought this on us, you've ruined our lives. I can't bear that. Susypx

This is the only time I've been able to say this, I've even had counselling for cancer that I had recently and even in that I couldn't say it - my husband hits me. When I was pregnant and for the first 6 months of my daughters life, my husband hit me, pretty constantly. This started when I moved in with him 6 months pregnant. I had bruises on my arm and he used to drag me by the hair down the hall. I even have a bruise in the first photo of me with my daughter. Then I got diagnosed with cancer and it stopped, largely. Recently we have had some stressful building work and my husband has been horrendous, lots of name calling, real coldness, and occasional hitting. He isn't working at the moment which makes it more intense as we are around eachother all the time. Tonight we agreed that he would do my daughter's bath and I would put her to bed, as recently she won't let him do it. However she was really screaming for me in her bath so I went up really just to tell her to be quiet and stop being so silly, as I was enjoying clearing up with my music blaring out ! But my husband, as usual, took it as me taking over and trying to control everything and told me to go. I decided that I wouldn't stand to being talked to like that, and he repeated several times that I had to go, in the voice he gets when he is about to lose it. Of course, eventually, he yanked me by the hair across the room. My daughter saw it , as she always does (she is 3). She has also heard him telling me to "die bitch" and similar stuff recently. He has just left. My heart is breaking as I do love him, and I just want him to go back to how he was when we met. And most of all, the most painful thing of all, is that I am terrified that I have ruined my daughter's life. She loves her daddy and he is good with her, when he isnt stressed and thinking about other things. And I don't work, and I don't want her to come home from school to anyone else. Plus we are living in a half finished building site with no heating. A couple of weeks ago, I went to my parents, suitcases and all. My Mum had a very tough upbringing in a single parent family and told me I couldn't leave. I hadn't told her about the violence. What did me in was my daughter begging to go home. So I had resolved to stick out what is mainly verbal abuse until she is old enough to be at school full time and I have found a job. That was basically my Mum's advice. She is about to start at nursery school and I didn't want to uproot her. Now I have finally got my husband to leave, and I feel horrendous. I feel that I have made a huge mistake. But at the same time I know I cannot have her witnessing me being hurt. I'm also terrified that the cancer will come back if I get stressed again. Is anyone out there a single parent and how do you make it work? Susypx

Hi Em Tough decision, all i would say is go with your instinct. I am admittedly a fairly neurotic mother but i tried my daughter at 2 and it didn't work (it prob would have if i had stuck with it but i wasn't prepared to go through all that pain when she was so young), she is now about to start her school nursery at 3 and i can see now that she is totally ready, so even if there is pain again this time, i know it's what she needs, i didn't feel that a year ago , i just wanted a break/thought she would enjoy it. This time I think she is very lucky to be going as really spending all her time with me even with playgroups and classes isn't enough - she wants proper little friends and independence. Quite a leap from 2-3. But saying that, going at 2 does work for a lot of children. It sounds to me that you don't think the time is right, but only you can know. Susypx

my daughter is now 3 and is highly allergic to dairy and soya intolerant. She can tolerate small amounts of soya eg in bread but we try and make our own as much as possible (this intention comes and goes). as i understand it they get all they need in the special milk so you don;t need to worry about what you feed them anymore than anyone else. I do try and feed her a lot of lamb, and eggs for the iron. And she has calcium fortified oj but doesn;t drink much of it to be honest. watch out for beef intolereance- i haven't tried my daughter on it again yet but when she was 9 months she was definitely intolerant. intolerances can take a while to show up and are more difficult as you can't treat them with antihistamine. most babies do seem to grow out of it by a year or 2. My daughter is still very allergic and has hives on her face if she eats chocolate etc. She throws up at night if she has had it and i don't realise (my husband once omitted to tell me she had had a load of buttercream) but antihistamine deals with it if i do know. i try not to expose her but don't sweat it if we are somewhere and she eats a piece of chocolate cake if there is no other option as i don;t want her to miss out on stuff other children do. but often i can reason with her - eg we were at a playgroup where all the kids were given chocolate- i eventually persuaded her not to eat it and bought jelly beans on the way home - now she knows that if other kids are given chocolate she can tell me and i will give her other sweets. i explained her allergy to her when she was 2 and she totally gets it now. she has very little fat as no cheese etc and is definitely not a skinny one. I don;t think fat is a huge issue unless they are already skinny - she has never been thin! good luck with it Susypx

i took redundancy from tv producing when i got pregnant - 3 years later and loving being at home but thinking may have to do something when little one starts school next year. but want to be around for after school etc. thinking freelance feature writing for magazines, but have no clue how impossible this is to get into. Guess everything is worth a try though. Susypx

i had an emergency c section and was all traumatic etc, as I came out the anaesthatist (sorry bad sp) whispered to me - next time you can just have a c section straight off - so guess its true. I feel for you as I haven't had another baby since , but it must be a daunting prospect. However 2 friends this year have had planned c sections after terrible first births and found them a dream. By the way, ruth, how do you get your notes from PALs? I would love to see mine. Well, love isn't quite the right word but think its's a good suggestion, good luck c Susypx

oh i love this forum. that post could have completely depressed me , but the subsequent ones just made me giggle. no i am not cool. I was in my 20s. But now I have a gorgeous daughter and that is way better than being cool. susypx

if you cut out dairy just be aware that it takes 14 days to be eliminated from your system - so you might not see any change immediately. Have to say i did this after my daughter was confirmed as milk allergic and it made no difference, don;t know why. none of what you describe was what i experienced, she always had explosive poos but mainly from 3 + months the big symptom with her really was wind/colic. so hopefully just a pooy baby! susypx

my daughter didn't sleep for more than half an hour a time in the day until she finally got into big lunchtime sleeps at about 18 months.... and she only slept through the night from age 2 - so i think you are doing pretty well actually!! susypx

my just turned 3 year old is currently point blank refusing to do anything i say. it;s driving me completely potty. she has always been fairly boisterous and "challenging" but now I fear I am completely losing control. had an ok day on saturday when it was just me and her at home (no builders, no dad), and her choice was - do you want a good girl sticker or to sit on the naughty step.... and she enjoyed helping me clean up the house after a week of builders , but out and about - total nightmare. she comes across as an out of control child and me as a terrible mother as i do tear my hair out a bit in public. i don;t know if she is just a bit rudderless come summer holidays, but we still have a long way to go! Got a crash week long course of swimming lessons starting next monday which will either be a complete disaster or a triumph. arg Susypx

Hi, my daughter is just 3 but in 4 year old clothes. She is still in her cot but with the side taken off. We are looking to get her a proper bed. I am of the view we should go straight to single which will last her all her childhood. My husband wants to get her a toddler bed as he thinks it will be cosier, but I think she will out grow that in a year / year and a half. What have others done - gone straight to single or used a toddler bed initially? Susypx

My 3 year old is still in nappies as night, which is fine, since she has only recently started sleeping through I am in no hurry to do anything other than let nature take its course. However she still wears pampers and I lie her down after her bath to put them on - she is fine about this too. I just wonder whether I should be making a feel a bit more big girl by introducing night time "pants" ie pull ups. Esp as she is starting nursery in Sept, don't want her to feel behind the times. We went on a new playdate the other day and the other girl was boasting about how she could go to the toilet all by herself and my little one nearly had an epi when I tried to help her on to the toilet. Growing up so fast! Should I use night time pants at this stage and which ones are the best? I always thought the pull ups we used during potty training looked really hot and uncomfortable compared to pampers baby dry. thank you Susan

i am with the likes of cuppatea who just have a house that is never cleaned. I would have got a cleaner but wasn't worth the fight with my husband over it. It has got a bit easier as she has got older but i really cannot wait until she is in nursery next term when I will get a few hours of day to get control of the house and all the boxes we still have everywhere from our move 3 years ago! Reassuring to know that our parents just left us to scream - i have been wondering how it ever got done and my mum just looks at me blankly when I ask but I also know she didn't go to groups or do the stuff I do with my daughter. Susypx