susyp

you're prob right I do need to chill out. Not been an easy few years but I am getting more chilled, slowly!! Have appointment with dentist now and my hubs doesn't see anything wrong with either of our gums so fingers crossed I'm just being neurotic mum! susypx

oh god in her mouth? She has had red gums before my husband is obsessed as he has terrible teeth. just looked it up. I think I have it. Had chemo a couple of years ago and not had my gums checked since which is really stupid as it is terrible on the gums. Got some white bumps. Now it's occurred to me she could have caught it from me and be in earlier stages as we do share a lot of drinks etc when out and about. great - guilt trip even bigger - but good call Fuschia even it it's not what she has i'm pretty sure i have it so it will give me the final push I need to get us to visit the dentist!! Mother and daughter trip to the dentist next week I think. Need to get us both sorted. Suspyx

Shoe Station is brilliant it has toys they can play with in it (can be good, can be bad!) but it definitely helped when my daughter HATED shoe shopping after all the debacle we had with wonky toes last year. Now she loves going there. They have really lovely girls shoes. Can be quite hard getting her out of there though..... Shoe shop bit at the back, past the toys you have to pay for..... Enjoy! Susypx ps my daughter was 20 months when she got wonky toes- they grow REALLY fast between 18 months - 2 years so don;t make my mistake. Totally worth shopping around.

Yes she is pretty good at letting us do her teeth. Doesn't drink anything before bed. Hopefully the dentist will set me straight on what to do but obv he has one point and then a dietitan would have another. But I am sure she shouldn't be having red gums. hopefully it's just a consequence of loads of sugar these last 2 days. Sometimes I do find being a mother one long guilt trip. :-( susypx

I;ve just seen a brand on Amazon called Sigg that has good reviews and looks cool. If anyone has tried this would be good to know views as very expensive! She goes to a class where we were given a branded beaker and is happy to drink water out of that so am thinking I could re-sell water to her in a new cool beaker (the branded one leaks all over the place so we only use it in the class!). I also might try again to give her milk in a cup with her breakfast instead of oj. I don;t mind cutting out the innocent drinks etc and moving her bottle to first thing might help as I would clean her teeth shortly after it - just undecided on whether to cut out her morning Oj - if she has water the rest of the day - with perhaps squash with dinner (when her teeth will be cleaned shortly after it). Or perhaps I could just give her freshly squeezed Oj as a treat at weekends. Sometimes we are in a rush to get out so I do clean her teeth too quickly after the Oj. But then I have guilt about not giving her added calcium. arg. sorry to ramble... susypx ps thanks for saying I give her things for good reasons - my sister always says stuff like that to me - very wise - it's so easy to beat your self up as a parent isn;t it. arg

My daughter is an H fitting too and always has shoes about a 1/2 size to a size too big for her because of it. I go to a specialist shoe shop which sells loads of European shoes as found Clarks a bit hopeless. I am actually an Old=EastDulwichian so I go to one in Kew - it's called the Shoe Station. Possibly they would know of other shops like them or you could try one of stockists to see where else they supply - my daughters current shoes are Geox . She's also had a lot of Ricosta. http://www.theshoestation.co.uk/brands.cfm Last year I got the same pair constantly from Clarks and stupidly forgot how long she had had them - as a consequence her little two toes on each foot are curved inwards. I feel like the worst mother in the world. So it's really worth finding a good shoe shop if your daughter has super wide feet like mine as they can grow out of shoes very quickly - sometimes my daughter's only last a month. susypx

Sorry to post another question thread so soon after my last one - but I'm having a bit of a panic about my 2 1/2 year olds teeth. There was a helpful thread on this a while ago but I can't find it. I noticed tonight that she has red marks on her gums - having not seen another child's teeth I am not sure if this is normal but I am worried it is gum disease. She doesn't eat sweets or anything like that, rarely has cake but does eat fruit. She has a small cup of orange juice at breakfast, then a banana mid morning, then fruit as pudding at lunchtime. She has special milk as dairy allergic and drinks one bottle of this in the daytime as she won't take it in a cup (smells funny). Is it possible the orange juice in the morning is doing this? I clean her teeth about 40 mins after it and she doesn';t have much normally? Or could it be the bottle? I am thinking of rejigging things to give her a bottle first thing, (stopped this as she wouldn;t always eat her breakfast and that's so good for her - with another bottle in the cereal - she needs 2 a day) and drop the oj - as she has plenty of fruit in the day. I was giving her the oj as it is calcium added and she has no other sources of calcium - won't eat green vegs etc, can't eat soya. sorry bit of a panicky thread but a year ago she was in too small shoes for a bit and she has slightly wonky toes - I am in total guilt about it esp now I am seeing her feet more in the summer - and I can't bear it if I've given her gum disease as well. Stupidly I have been giving her extra cartons of juice when out and about the last couple of days in this weather so not sure if it's just an immediate reaction to that. She also has watered down squash in her beaker all day. I could possibly try and change this to water if I got her a new beaker - have noticed in groups that some children her age have quite cool beakers - she is still on one of those tommee tippee ones everyone has - can anyone recommend one that works and is easy to clean? Any advice gratefully received. Will sign up with a dentist first thing Monday! Susypx ps edited to add that I have just found the thread I was thinking about - juice and toddlers - so def going to cut out the orange juice reading it back! But it still seems odd for her to have disease when she normally only 1/3 of a cup of oj a day - is it enough . Or are 2 days of total fruit juice intake enough to cause a temporary blip - we squeezed our own this morning too so she had it twice then an innocent juice while out this afternoon. arg. Definitely in the market for a new super cool beaker that I can say only takes water!!!

thanks everyone loads of good ideas we'll take some of them up. Dark chocolate sounds good except they often have soya in - she's also soya intolerant which is actually more of a problem as I can't just give her anti-histamine! Maybe we will make a cake and decorate with marzipan etc and chicks. :-). susypx

hmm yes. i could take advantage of her short attention spam and dispose of them at the end of the day I suppose! (sorry that one was to anna r thing edmummy and i posted at same tme). My thing about giving her chocolate alternatives is that she will get a taste for it but could always be allergic. We have given her cocoa cakes cocoa is ok. It's anything with milk or anything remotely cow related in it!. Hiding bunnies is a really good idea though. I shall shop..

So, as my daughter can't eat chocolate, I am thinking of ways to mark Easter for her as it's the first one she is really aware of (she's 2 1/2). One idea is to decorate chickens eggs but - how does it work? Don't they get really smelly? I get that you have to hard boil them but how long for and then how long can you keep them?! thanks! susypx

yes I think you've hit the nail on the head - my daughter is the same very almost overly friendly and cuddly and very empathetic towards other children - and then just random bad behaviour. When I spoke to the nursery manager at the creche she is starting tomorrow (saw it friday) she said it sounded like frustration in not kowing how to play with other children (and sometimes focusing on children too young to play) - she was fine when I took her in and has been for the last few "outings" so I think just having something new on the horizon has really helped. Not sure if that's the same with you bee74? My daughter is a little older than your son (2 years 8 months). Good Luck! She is a LOT better than she was just 6 months ago so I think it is just an ageing process thing. But it's AWFUL when you see other parents judging you. susypx

I also had a c section and it was very scary (and I've had 3 ops subsequently with general and they weren't nearly as scary!!). I've expressed my views on the NCT elsewhere and this is not the place to do it again. But it sounds like there is a big variation in the information given and the Dulwich classes are good (wish I had gone to them - mine was in Ealing where my husband (tobe at the time) lived). At my class we were all "hooked up" amd "medicalised" like would happen in a c section and basically told that it wasn;t a good outcome. When of course it is a medical emergency and not through choice. Saying that were I to have a second child I would have a c section no question at all as I think a planned c section sounds brilliant! You would end up less tired and you can have an entire day with Dad there rather than being left to fend for yourself. Was a huge problem for me as I was in intensive care as I had an infection and hardly got any help with my baby. And my husband couldn't stay. I liked this post as I think it has an excellent sentiment - rather than it being a bad thing to have a csection - it's just one of those many things you have to put up with as part of having children! suspyx

oh god i'm with you on the rough housing with other children. My daughter has just had 3 weeks of being angelic and I could finally relax and talk to other mums on the sidelines rather than hover over. Today she got in a proper fight. I despair. I am now immediatley taking her home from wherever we are the minute she does anything like that. I figure she knows right and wrong. When I took her home today another mum gave me the thumbs up and said it was absolutely the right thing to do - as my daughter was doing her retch retch scream scream thing tailing behind me . And that encouragement really helped. Awful but I've had a year of it now and I cannot stand for her to do this anymore. She is really big too so can do other children real damage now. I don;t know why some children behave like this and not others. Some children just don;t do it at all. Its awful as she adores other children. Am throwing caution to the wind and starting her in a creche to see if more exposure to children with other people guiding her will help- as often it's over excitement that seems to provoke her or when a child won't play with her. So I sympathise but have no solutions. I am sure others will though keep strong! susypx

Groclock works a treat with my 2 1/2 year old. Stopped her getting up at 5am. Now she waits for Mr Sun to wake at 7am. (with the aid of a star chart!). Got mine from Amazon. Susypx

The other thing I have done to get out of this type of cycle is to (as they say) reward the good. I.e. "If you leave nicely at the end of the group you can have a good girl sticker". And remind them of that when they start to resist. I've used good girl stickers for all sorts of things and have been amazed at the results. I found that when we got in a pattern of her behaving badly and me shouting it just got worse and worse until I stopped myself and started to think laterally and then I could find a solution. Also think of a reason why he could leave. I have problems leaving a particular place in the week and now I have just started to take her to the playground after it and now she will leave happily. I'm currently in a battle over getting my daughter dressed in the morning - not that she misbehaves , but she finds it hilarious to run away from me all round the house. Drives me demented and I've been getting really cross with her. Had forgotten the good girl sticker idea so will try it myself again in this situation! susypx

I haven;t read through all of this as I was SO DESPERATE to post a message back to you. I had similar early nightmare with breastfeeding , although it did then settle down, only to get a nightmare again when she was 4 months. I went through similar hell guilt trip etc. Eventually a health visitor told me that only the first couple of weeks/month really mattered. Subsequenctly I found out I had breast cancer (when she was 6 months old). If I had carried on breast feeding for the full year as I had planned (and felt terrible when I couldn't), I would now be dead. I have a total hatred of the NCT and all groups that push breast feeding and give us all such guilt over it. Fine if it works. But I totally don't think anyone should breast feed more than a few months as you can't check your breasts (and pregnancy increases your risk of breast cancer (initially) - don;t tell you that in the NCT do they. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY about not breast feeding. Your baby will sleep better and be happier on formula. Breast feeding is not the be all and end all. Were I to have another baby (not risking it!) I would only breast feed for max 2 weeks. It's not worth it on you (tiredness/hormones) and your life. I had hellish time in first few months (again stress is a risk factor for cancer). In the end you need to do what is easiest and most sensible and STOP THE GUILT. sorry. I really ,really hate the NCT. I also had a c section and felt terrible about it because of all their crap about natural birth. Oh, and the hospital wanted to induce me after 6 days late as I was feeling slightly less movements and I was resistnat (as my nct teacher had told me to be) - some brilliant friends told me to do what the doctor said - turned out my daughter was in distress in the womb. Had I done what the NCT had suggested - she would probably not be here now. Cretins. arg sorry keep editing to add more ranting. Just to say when you look back when your baby is toddling around this WILL NOT seem important. I think I was mad to stress about it now. There are many many more things you need to do to protect and look after your baby and this is not a big one. Susypx

My daughter LOVED those plastic stacking rings you can get at the ELC. They lasted for a good year. As she got older she wore them as bracelets. I would always buy them now as presents for 6 month olds! susypx

Lots of good advice here thank you. I still can't decide. One of the positives of the place I tried was that on our last morning there, when she went in she was telling me about all the other children there - ie that's xx that's xx and where's xx. So I am kind of thinking that making bonds with other children might be what she gains most from nursery and what makes her put up with it. Which she wouldn't do in a creche because it will be different children each time. And she is still a bit unpredictable with younger children but really "grown up" and well behaved when she plays with her own age+. Definitely am beginning to see that she needs more than just me - 6 months ago I felt like I wanted to keep her at home forever but the constant "mummy play with me" when we are at home (which is only for a few hours each day as we do A LOT!), is clearly a sign of frustration. She is not happy when there is no-one in the playground either and SO happy if she finds a little playmate! Very sociable and outgoing but just used to having me all the time at the same time. I am starting to tell her she needs to play with other children and where do you find children - in a nursery. And we sit having breakfast every morning watching all the children going off to school. I think maybe I need to go and visit and few creches and see if I can find an hour or so a week when the same children tend to go. So general experience is that children settle better if they are used to being left? What I don;t want is tears at the creche and then tears again in September - as littleEDfamily says - each place is going to be new and scary. arg! My nerves won't take 2 weeks of crying ! susypx

Following on from an earlier nursery thread on here I wondered if I could have some thoughts on my current dilemma. Bit longwinded this sorry. My daughter started a nursery for 2 year olds when she was 2. After 4 sessions I took her out as she was increasingly upset there and also started being very hostile to other children when I took her to the playground. And she got very upset if I even went out of the room - wouldn't let her Daddy do a thing with her. I know this is all normal but I figured at 2 it wasn't worth it and I would wait til she is 3. She is now 2 years 7 months and I can see she is a very different child - we have lots of playing with individual children in playground and the overly boisterous behaviour has all but gone in playgroups. But - I can't decide whether to wait until she is 3 and start her at nursery 5 mornings a week in September - this works for 3 main reason: * She would get to know the routine more quickly this way - definitely has an issue with transition periods (like most preschool children I think). Big reason the other nursery was a problem for her - she didn't understand what was happening - perhaps a little young. * She would have a named carer she would know pretty well by the end of week 1 * She would know the other children and make specific friends and crucially I think for her - the children - would all be 3+ - she definitely prefers the older child - not keen on children much younger I think as she realises they are more likely to snatch etc. ( think that was also why she didn't like the previous nursery - it was a bit manic). Or should I start her in a creche for 2 separate hours a week to get her used to being left without me? Only thing with this the children will all be 2+ but probably not 3+ which seems to be the age group she plays well with (and her year group as she is a July baby). And I am concerned about another disaster. But am I being unfair putting her straight into 5 days a week 3 hours a day without any previous experience of being left? The other day she played so nicely with a girl in a playground and I said - "see, when you go to nursery you can play with other children all the time it will be lovely" - she said "no, nursery is horrible" . arg. thank you! Susypx

I don't remember supernanny using them for tantrums - her approach is you warn over naughty behaviour - if they keep doing it then they are on the naughty step. A tantrum isn't naughty behaviour. susypx

We use the naughty step for specific behaviour (including biting ) and it does work - for some reason she will sit there although I do have to keep putting her there sometimes. Recently she gets so upset by being there that I often have to sit there with her but it's not normaly like that . She spends a lot of time putting her dolls etc on the naughty step too!! It wouldn't work with her tantrums as she is just so upset that she wouldn't really be able to understand why she was there. I just calm her down and then talk to her. It's almost like an out of body experience for her, rather than naughty behaviour. But if she is just having an epi because I won't let her do something then I would put her on the naughty step. If you watch supernanny they do all stay there eventually! It's a battle of wills. It's also quite good as it allows you to calm down if you've been bitten etc and to think through in your mind why it hapened and how to deal with it. We've had big problems with biting . A good book for this is Doodle Bites by Polly Dunbar - Doodle gets her mouth taped up in the end - in fact since we got that out the library I don;t think I have been bitten at all!! susypx

I am new to the tantrum thing - my daughter is also 2 and a half and what I thought were tantrums a few months ago most decidely were not - now it's throwing things around etc. But she does seem very distressed while doing it so I tend to hold her (she is willing) and just say calm down, calm down, shh shh. That works for her. No idea if it would work for other children I guess they are all different! As Fuschia says - there are dif types of tantrums (and btw I LOVE that book - wish I had found it 2 years ago!!), and these ones we are currently having are definitely emotional meltdowns. Seems to be total frustration. susypx

I coslept with my daughter mainly out of sheer exhaustion and beat myself up for doing it. But have since been told by a couple of counsellors that it is GREAT for the child. Not so good for Mum and Dad's relationship. She is now 2 1/2 and for the last 6 months has been happily sleeping in her own bed at her own instigation . (she is still in a cot so doesn't get up and get into ours....yet). Like so many things in bringing her up I wish I hadn't worried so much about it - it's just a natural thing. If I were to have another child I would do it from the beginning and just not worry. You all get much more sleep and it's lovely - hubby and I were discussing the other night how we miss our night time cuddles with her! susypx

just a little thing that helped us - the Groclock. My daughter did used to wake at 5am in the summer. Now her natural time seems to be 630 am and I am hoping her new black out blinds will keep that going. But she gets a sticker on a reward chart everytime she waits for Mr Sun (at 715) and it has worked a few times...... It's definitely helped her go back to sleep during the night as well. It's the best thing we have bought. Sometimes she wakes up and I can hear her singing to herself til Mr Sun wakes up but it at least gives me some time to doze.... Here's looking forward to the clock change ! susypx

I also would really appreciate some advice on this point. I am hoping helibell's advice on more days rather than less works as that is to be my strategy when my daughter starts in September at pre school (she is 3 in July). I am going to start her 5 days a week to get her settled and used to the routine quicker. But I am already dreading it. I started her at another preschool for 2 year olds last September and had to take her out after 2 weeks. She was going 2 days a week so only went 4 times. The first week she was fine and happy to say goodbye as we had talked about it / read books etc and she is a very sociable little girl. The second week she cried when I dropped her off and when I picked her up. But what made me take her out was her changed behaviour with other children. She did go through a pushing stage and is still often a bit rough with other children but always in good spirit - when she started nursery all of a sudden it was as if she saw other children as real threat. We went to the playground one day and she pushed over a load of little babies -then screamed blue murder at some children who were standing near her pushchair. It really shocked me as she had always run up wanting to play with other children - hence why i tried to start her at 2. She also started having bad dreams about other children snatching. I spoke to the nursery and they said that she did cry a lot at nursery (not like her and not what they had told me ) but they saw it as her not liking the transition points and had a plan to deal with it. To be honest I never felt that comfortable with this particular nursery and I didn't like her key worker (who I met on her first day but had to seek out) but a church nursery I did really like took them from 2 years 3 months but I wasn't guaranteed a place (and she didn't get one). In the one I tried I felt that they didnt watch the children enough and even when we went to look around my daughter got in a fight! Whereas the one I liked she played really nicely when we went to see it - I think as most of the children were 3 year olds . I have applied to some school nurseries but may not get a place - but I think I am going to go with the Church nursery I initially liked as I have now spoken to the manager there 3 times and each time she is really nice. And when we went to see it it took ages to talk to her as all the children kept coming up to her and she gave them her time and I really liked that. I feel that I may need a bit of extra support as I have had to fight breast cancer while my daughter has been little and I think have big anxiety issues over leaving her. It was hell last September. Another reason why I took her out - I couldn't cope with the worry. But I am also desperate for some time to myself to do some exercise etc and get fit again. So I am hoping the fact I trust this particular manager will help and I can go and have a private chat with her before my daughter starts and then just take her advice on it all. Arg. But then I worry that I should send her to a school nursery as she will make friends and then be settled for 8 years. I just didn't like them as much as places and feel that I wouldn't be able to have these anxious conversations one to one nor have as much trust . It is good to hear from everyone that this is normal but it's also so awful as you feel that you are betraying your child by leaving them crying. Or I do. Hoping that at least if I totally trust the staff it will go better. As obviously my daughter picks up on my emotions esp as I am full time Mum. sorry to post such a long message this is a big source of worry for me susypx