dulwichmum

"OHMYGOD! I have one of my heads..." *Looks up wisfully from floor, clutching head shrouded in lush glossy dark hair...* "Whatever has happened here?" "Oh officer! You really are frightfully manly, I love it when a chap can sweep a woman up into his large and hairy arms. Let me see your hands sweetie, you have fingers just like William Rose sausages, yum!"

"OHMYGOD Mr Keef! You really are frightfully manly you know, you really are quite the daddy!" *Swoon, CRASH*

Wafts into Quiet Room looking simply fabulous, full length Allegra Hicks Kaftan clinging to perfectly toned fabulous figure as she walks, followed by au pair bearing bottles of Krug. "Anyone for drinks?" "Gosh isn't Dulwich the only place to live in London?"

OHMYGOD yes!

Yes it is there now - how very strange! :-$ I may have been drunk, it was 8.44 in the morning when I could not find it afterall...

OHMYGOD! That really is dishonest then!

I have found a site that sends a medic around to our home for a Botox party! What do you all think? Michael is paying!

Oh Kalam! I have ordered an entire new wardrobe from Net a Porter, an entire new make-up selection from HQ Hair, and a pair of roller skates, just for the hell of it! What have you bought? Lovely CitizenED - would you like anything?

OHMYGOD (Swoon)!!! I'll get my coat...

Darling Huguenot! I didn't even notice that there was an election! Don't blame me!

I know what you mean Kalam, lets shop on the internet with his credit cards next!

Shall I pour some Chablis on your cornflakes too? It makes everything ok!

Oh Ratty darling, do cheer up. King Gordon of Brown is still very much in charge dear heart. He really is incredibly super you know. All is well...

Dear Furryjumpergirl, I left a comment on your super article last night and now it is gone. Why would that be, does it not keep comments? The photo was by one of my fav forumites and I said so, why would it be deleted?

Wonderful work. I think that I should like to tattoo my name on his bottom with this here enormous compass needle and the ink from this pen refill. Shall I write your name on there too? There is enough room for our middle names and everything... "Beatrice Arabella Concepta Parry-Jones and Kalamity (I am simply gorgous) Kelly were here." Ta dah!

Gosh, that strimmer worked well. Now shall I wax Michael's back while you unblock his drains?

OHMYGOD! Michael - that was meant to be a secret - what a cad! You should never have claimed that you were Lord Michael of Palaeologus - I felt used and dirty when I found out...

Mr Marmora Man darling, you sound like an ED version of Daniel Craig! Do you mind if I sit on your knee while you tell us more?

I have this grass strimmer in my handbag, I will get on with Mr Karters eyebrows while you insert Michaels hose. He may need to be restrained though, it is rather large and sure to be uncomfortable...

Oh Kalam, I had to buy this special steel wool mop head on the internet and I think that it will work so very well indeed. But lets begin with this here drain unblocking solution that arrived from Ocado just last night. I think that we could give Michael a lovely warm enema. We can use this here vacuum hose! http://www.britsuperstore.com/acatalog/Mr_Muscle_Sink_Plughole_Unblocker_500ml.jpg

OHMYGOD Mr SteveT! What are you saying? You don't mean to imply that despite the fact that I look completely fabulous, underneath - I am a bit of a complete and utter minx do you? Oh dear, you have me all worked out...(sigh).

OHMYGOD! Seany baby has been married before!!! Was Swindon really that bad sweet heart? But they have a huge outlet shopping mall there with an enormous LK Bennett and Hobbs and - gosh I could lose a week there! Biggest regrets... mmm, 1. Not insisting on a much larger engagement ring. Well I had no idea how very rich James would become and now because of all of that sentimental rubbish, I have to keep that damn splinter of a 1.5ct stone he gave me (although it is internally flawless).

Tugs duvet from Kalam - I am so sorry darling, I have been working so very hard indeed of late. Lets give Michael a bed bath, and I fancy shaving Karters eyebrows off. What do you say?

Wow! LizzygotDizzy, that was perfectly put. For me, the most beautiful things I have seen; My new au Polish au pairs skin when she turned up at Gatwick airport back in January - it was fresh dewy perfect - she had to go...clearly! My husbands gigantic bonus cheque just before Christmas (sigh). Gary Barlow wearing rubber trousers at Wembley Arena in 1995 (I think) - OHMYGOD!

Michael darling - you must clean this rug before you done any of your special dressing up outfits. Here are the rubber gloves, I shall sit and supervise until it is clean ...